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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Pregnant with twins, father doesn’t want to be involved

32 replies

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:36

I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with the love of my life’s babies. When I explained to him that we was pregnant he said I should abort... I booked the appointment and wanted his support but got nothing. The lady scanned me and told me I was expecting twins, I was so overwhelmed but at the same time scared of going through with this abortion. I decided to keep the twins and didn’t tell the father.
I posted my 13 week scan online and he contacted me, I was overjoyed that he wanted to see me. We spoke he told me he loved me and wanted to be at my other scans and the birth. I was so happy, he said he would text me the next day and I heard nothing! I messaged him and I got the response that he wants no involvement and that I will probably end up hating him.
I felt like he had ripped my heart out all over again, I feel as if this guy who was my first love many years ago has just come back into my life told me what I wanted to hear then left me scared and alone.
I cry almost every night, I don’t dare to contact him incase of rejection.

Please help...

OP posts:

Report

UhtredRagnarson · 13/06/2021 11:42

So sorry to hear this OP.

Ultimately though, he has done you a Favour. Far better to know from the very start that you are going it alone than for him to stay out of guilt and be an uninterested father before leaving when the children are old enough to understand and miss him.

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:45

True, thank you.

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Chelyanne · 13/06/2021 11:46

You're better off without people who treat you that way.
Just focus on yourself and those babies, you will get over it and move on with your little family.

AdaFuckingShelby · 13/06/2021 11:47

Thats so distressing for you, I hope you've got some support IRL from family or friends.
PP is right, best you know now what a shit he is. He would only have let you down repeatedly. If he comes back wanting to be involved maintain your boundaries. He is the father but that doesn't give him the right to abuse you emotionally. Surround yourself with people who love you. You will get through this.

VettiyaIruken · 13/06/2021 11:49

Sadly you can't force him to be an active parent.

Do open a claim with CSA once the babies are born. If he is choosing to not be in their lives, that doesn't absolve him of all responsibility towards them.

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:50

Yeah I guess I have no choice, every time I feel them move my love for them gets stronger. I just hope he realises what he is missing 😞
Thank you

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UhtredRagnarson · 13/06/2021 11:52

I just hope he realises what he is missing

I ask kindly, why do you hope this?

Sweetpea12 · 13/06/2021 11:52

I hope you have a lot of support from family and friends. My babies father decided he wanted no involvement when I was 10 weeks pregnant and it’s so hard but I then realised I had to be so strong and independent for my baby and it’s really changed me. You will be surprised how strong you actually become and as a PP has said if he comes back have boundaries. Good luck and I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:53

My family have been amazing. I guess I’m lucky in that sense. His family have no idea!
You are so right, I do feel as though I have been emotionally abused with all this.

Thank you

OP posts:

Mixitupalot · 13/06/2021 11:54

Honestly, it won’t be easy but it will be worth it. He on the other hand will eventually feel shame at his disgusting behaviour 💐

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:54

It’s a once in a lifetime thing to feel your twins kicking and moving, he has missed it all 🥺

OP posts:

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:55

Thank you ❤️

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Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 11:57

Very true, although I feel somewhat bad for even thinking about taking child support from him knowing he doesn’t want them.

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OldTinHat · 13/06/2021 11:57

Don't call him the father of your twins. He's nothing more than a sperm donor. You will bring them up and be a wonderful and loving mother - congratulations!

Egeegogxmv · 13/06/2021 12:00

He is a mere sperm donor, forget about him

UhtredRagnarson · 13/06/2021 12:03

@Anonymous0987

Very true, although I feel somewhat bad for even thinking about taking child support from him knowing he doesn’t want them.

We don’t pay for our children because we want to (although most of us do) we pay because we created children and are obliged to cover their needs until they are adults. Whether he wants the children or not has no bearing on his responsibility to pay for their needs.

CutieBear · 13/06/2021 12:05

He keeps toying with your heart over and over again. He’ll probably do the same with your DC. I wouldn’t let him back into my life if I were you.

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 12:06

You are so right. Thank you

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UhtredRagnarson · 13/06/2021 12:12

Forget him OP. Stop hoping he realises what he’s missing, it doesn’t affect you whether he does or not. You focus on having your babies and creating a stable and secure life for your family with loads of supportive friends and family around you. Draw a line under him. He’s done, he’s gone, he’s nothing to do with you anymore. He’ll probably get an attack of the guilts or curiosity at various stages and try and get in touch- this is when you need to put your smart, protective mum head on and not listen to those old feelings of love. He will let your children down if you let him in to their lives.

FlowerArranger · 13/06/2021 12:18

Why exactly is he the love of your life?
He sounds irresponsible and horrid!
Make sure he pays maintenance for his children.

Egeegogxmv · 13/06/2021 12:37

He took the decision to create these babies with you, the fact that he asked you to abort is irrelevant, he chose to take part in the act which created these children therefore he took the decision to create them. Having made that choice he is morally and legally obligated to provide for them.

GrimDamnFanjo · 13/06/2021 14:04

Make sure you have tons of support from friends and family and get CMS.
What are his family like? Is it possible for your children to have a relationship with them?

Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 14:06

Yes we both knew what we was doing, you are right! Thank you

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Anonymous0987 · 13/06/2021 14:09

He doesn’t really speak with his family, I never got the chance to know them. I do know that his two children from his previous relationship live not far from me and have no idea. It’s sad that they might never get the chance to see their little twin siblings.

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HarrietHairbrush · 13/06/2021 14:11

A friend of mine did a free online solo mums course with blossom antenatal, said it was life changing. Maybe worth a look. Sorry you are
Going through this
Love to you from a fellow twin mum.

Flip

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