Pregnant after miscarriage and so anxious

(40 Posts)
violetfern Fri 11-Jun-21 14:43:33

I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant after an early second trimester mmc in March and I’m just finding it so so tough. I had awful sickness with both my previously pregnancies and have minimal symptoms this time. Every day I’m torn whether to get an early scan, as deep down I feel that there’s something wrong, but I don’t think I can face knowing if there is. I know that I should be enjoying being pregnant regardless but I just can’t and it’s just mentally draining. I feel as though I’m just waiting for the inevitable bad news. Not sure what answers I’m expecting but noone in real life seems to understand, and keep telling me to be positive.

OP’s posts: |
Sophiederuges Fri 11-Jun-21 14:49:28

@violetfern I get it 100% and you are not alone. I am the same. Same as you, people tell me to be positive or not think about it. But I can’t so I just don’t mention it anymore.

violetfern Fri 11-Jun-21 15:03:18

Thanks for replying, and so sorry you’re in the same boat. It’s so hard isn’t. I know I’ve just got to take one day at a time. My husband is very supportive but there’s no way he can understand how I feel. Like you said it’s sometimes easier to keep it all inside.

OP’s posts: |
Montii Fri 11-Jun-21 15:09:54

In your boat, at 8 weeks, I would go for a private scan. If all is good then you have some reassurance, if it’s not then you will know at least.

I had two early losses in 2019 and when I was pregnant last year I was anxious for the first few months. It was really hard. It wasn’t until I felt the baby moving that I stopped worrying quite as much.

I had scans at 7, 10 and 13 weeks for reassurance and also at 16, 20 and 32 weeks.

Sending positive thoughts to you.

Pompom2367 Fri 11-Jun-21 15:10:56

I totally understand I am pregnant after a miscarriage and found that I really hated the first 12 weeks had my 12 week scan and everything is fine I feel like I can breathe again for the first time since it all happened it's totally normal how your feeling you analyse everything

Sophiederuges Fri 11-Jun-21 15:11:19

@violetfern Taking it one day at a time is probably the best thing to do. I honestly cannot stop thinking about it but breaking it down one day a time does help. I try to keep busy too but I’m always sooo tired (I’m on progesterone too and exhaustion is common side effect).

I think what is hard is that we had mmc last time and carried a dead baby for days/weeks without knowing and it’s something we can’t forget sad I didn’t even know mmc existed before I had mine.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s an awful thing to experience. When turned online for comfort and to read testimonies, something stood out: most said it’s changed the way they see pregnancy, that they now struggle to be positive. That we know all too well that a positive pg test doesn’t always mean a baby 36 weeks later sad

Do you have a living child?

Sophiederuges Fri 11-Jun-21 15:13:30

* you analyse everything*

That is so true @Pompom2367

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Ilovemypyjamas Fri 11-Jun-21 15:19:07

I am also in the same situation, so I understand how you are feeling OP. 6 weeks pregnant and I've had the tiniest amount of pink spotting. I've phoned the pregnancy support unit at the hospital but they just told to distract myself and not to think about it.
I've had 2 miscarriages before, in between my daughter and son. Thinking of booking an early scan. It's so hard isn't it.

Moonshine11 Fri 11-Jun-21 15:20:03

Hey op!
I’m sorry about your loss and congrats on your rainbow baby.
I totally understand you, I’ve had two losses and now got my DS.
I had scans at 7,9,12,13,16,17,20,32 weeks.
Writing that down sounds ridiculous but I think this all comes from having losses.
I had a couple close together because I was just convinced something had happened. I didn’t settle until my 20 week scan.
Sadly, pregnancy after loss is tarnished as it’s harder for you to enjoy I think.
Now your 8 weeks i would deffo recommend a scan. It does do you good op.
I only had symptoms from 8-11 weeks so just because you don’t have any right, doesn’t mean you won’t get any or you may be lucky!
I hope everything goes well for you

GettingAlong Fri 11-Jun-21 15:21:58

I had a MMC then CP, then my next pregnancy I was paranoid every single day.

Luckily I had three early scans through the EPU then I paid for another midway between my standard NHS scans just to feel more at ease. After that, I had baby kicking so that helped.

Although I'll admit, the scans didn't keep me relaxed for long. I had anxiety the whole way through, but all worked out well and I have my DC here now.

I don't know what to say about relaxing through it but do try. It can definitely work out well, though.

Good luck thanks

GettingAlong Fri 11-Jun-21 15:27:27

Sorry I may have lied. I think I had a blood test then scans at 7 & 9 weeks with the EPU. I can't fully remember and it was only a year ago!

GettingAlong Fri 11-Jun-21 15:28:49

and I meant to add: I had horrendous morning sickness with my MMC (which everyone told me the sicker you are, the healthier the baby)

My successful pregnancy - I maybe felt sick a handful of times but not as early and nowhere near as often. Usually just after eating.

violetfern Fri 11-Jun-21 15:29:15

Thanks everyone, sorry for your losses.

@Montii I think that’s what I’m going to have to do. As you said at least I’ll know. If things are ok then I know I’ve got this far and it might help, and if it’s not then I’ll know

@Pompom2367 definitely! You just analyse everything!

@Ilovemypyjamas ah I’m so sorry that must be so worrying, and that’s so easy for them to say distract yourself but it just invades everything moment doesn’t it. Fingers crossed things settle, if not I’d definitely call them again

@Sophiederuges yes that’s it isn’t it, the naivety of pregnancy is just taken away from you isn’t it, I feel I can’t imagine there being a baby here. I’m lucky, I’ve got a nearly 2 year old, no problems at all during that pregnancy but then had the MMC and all the excitement I had with my first pregnancy seems so strange now

OP’s posts: |
Brunilde Fri 11-Jun-21 15:31:41

Don't pay any attention to symptoms. I had more with all of my miscarriages than I did my successful pregnancy. I also had quite a few scans and they did help. I think I had ones at 7 and 9 weeks before the 12 week scan. Some later on. Statistically if you get to 6 weeks the miscarriage chance drops to around 5‰ and less as you go on, so it helped me to know the percentages once I'd got to that point.

Applecrumble24 Fri 11-Jun-21 15:34:14

I'm exactly the same. I had a mmc in January at 10 weeks. I'm now 5+3. I CAN'T relax, every time I go to the toilet, I expect blood. Every time I wake up, I think are my boobs still sore? I've got a private scan booked next week but even if everything is OK, I know my relief will be short lived and I will be anxious again until the next one.

It's so sad to think that because of our experience we can't just enjoy being pregnant as we know too well, that pregnancy doesn't always equal baby.

violetfern Fri 11-Jun-21 15:35:54

@Moonshine11 sorry for your losses. It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all, I think it’s the not knowing at the moment that’s getting to me, so scan might be way forward. I think like you said if I can get to the 20 week point I hope I can chill out a little

@GettingAlong sorry for you losses as well. I get that- I was sicker with my MMC than my healthy pregnancy, then when my symptoms improved at 13 weeks I figured it was just getting better so it was devastating to lose the baby. I know everyone is different but the fact that you felt less poorly with your DC makes me feel a little better!

OP’s posts: |
GettingAlong Fri 11-Jun-21 15:38:46

Glad to be of assistance. I genuinely worried so much due to lack of symptoms (and every single little thing daily) but he was my successful one, so try to enjoy the lack of symptoms, definitely nicer than clinging to the toilet all day.

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 Sat 12-Jun-21 13:18:41

So sorry for all of you 😢 Same here, I was so relaxed and chilled about my pregnancy that didn't work out, this time round I'm nervous and anxious, checking every time I go to the loo, obsessing over everything. I know it's not healthy.
To the PP who mentioned all of the scans, I think I might do something similar! Partly because I just want to know. And partly because miscarriage rates after successfully seeing a heart beat at eight weeks are 2% apparently. I just need that reassurance. I had my 1st scan at 5 weeks last week 🙈

Garman Sat 12-Jun-21 13:39:10

Why should you be enjoying pregnancy? Who says so? Don't put that added pressure on yourself, pregnancy is stressful enough without a previous loss, it's absolute torture after one. I'd get an early scan too now that you're 8 weeks.

NS1988 Sat 12-Jun-21 13:48:56

I feel exactly the same, had a mmc last year found out I was pregnant at the end of March. My anxiety that something was wrong was through the roof so gave in and went for an early scan just before I was 7 weeks. Was so surprised when I saw baby doing fine with a heartbeat. Every time I go for a scan I get so so anxious and just expect the worst, always feel like some bad news is coming it’s hard to enjoy it. 18 weeks now and have my 20week scan coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m still anxious about it. It’s hard but got to have faith things will work out. I hope everything goes well for you this time and you get your rainbow baby. Just take it a day at a time and if you think an early scan will put your mind at ease even for a small amount of time I think it’s worth it

Ameteurmum Wed 16-Jun-21 07:06:15

I could have written this. Currently 14 weeks pregnant and so conscious that this time last year it was a similar gestation that my baby died. Trying so hard to be positive but I feel I’m in no mans land until I feel movements or have my 20 week scan. A private scan is literally not an option because that’s how my MMC was revealed and I don’t physically think I could put myself through it again - the 12 week scan was bad enough. Statistically I know the chances of it happening again are so low but I was that 1% before. It’s a constant battle of being positive/negative and it’s so draining. Anyone else going through a pregnancy after loss is a badass because this shit is not easy

ButtercupBlue Wed 16-Jun-21 07:42:07

I'm newly pregnant for the 8th time (got my BFP two days ago) and five of my pregnancies have ended in miscarriage including my first ever pregnancy so I genuinely don't feel like I've ever had the privilege of a pregnancy where I had that blind faith everything would be fine. It's so bloody hard.

All but the first one of my losses have been mmc discovered on a scan so I can't even console myself with the fact I've still got symptoms / testing positive / not bleeding because that's been true in the past even when I've miscarried and not known it.

To make matters worse I found out really early this time so these first few weeks are going to feel even slower.

I think people mean well when they say 'keep busy' or 'think positive!' but they've really no idea what it's actually like when it's happening in your body so you're literally aware of it every waking minute!

Snoopy28x Wed 16-Jun-21 09:44:12

I know exactly what your going through.

Currently pregnant with a very surprise baby #3. I have 2 dc (4 and 2) and have also had 2 mc both at 11 weeks. I had baby #1 then mc, baby #2 then mc.

I had planned not to have any more kids due to the sheer stress and worry of being pregnant and I couldnt cope with another loss. However here I am. 10 weeks with baby 3. I had spotting at 6 weeks but saw the heartbeat. Since 9 weeks I've been spotting again. Which terrifies me. Epu and my midwife dont seem concerned and just say it's very common and sounds like I'm on the right side of things, however theres this constant fear in me. I still have my symptoms etc but that doesn't always give guarantee.

Dh said I could get a private scan if it would put me at ease but I dont know if that would. I would be worrying they would tell me the worst. The spotting seems to happen if I've been more active, hoovering, pushing a trolley, lifting things.

I have my dating scan 3 weeks today.. so its gonna be a very anxious few weeks 😕

Iwantcauliflowercheese Wed 16-Jun-21 13:14:33

The sickness doesn't mean much. Baby one - sick a few times.
Baby two - HG
Baby three - sick a few times (mc)
Baby four - not sick at all.

1,2 and 4 all healthy babies.

IloveGod2 Thu 17-Jun-21 07:08:53

Morning and congrats ladies. Yep can also relate. I've had 2 mc but I thank God I've got my bfp and went for a scan last week and everything looks good. Heartbeat, sac etc. Its excited cos I'm getting symptoms I did with other kids but at the same time I'm nervous. Op each pregnancy can be different and researched that symptoms may come and go. Cos I'm abit on edge I've actually booked a scan for end of june. I started acupuncture and listening to meditation cos my stress levels in the last mc were crazy. That has helped me abit, something to think about. I pray that we all will have a successful pregnancy and baby will be healthy and go full term. Amen 🤞🙏🙏🙏

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