what should i expect as teen mum

(69 Posts)
mariaflower22 Thu 06-May-21 19:58:43

hi i am 16 and i really want to have a baby with my boyfriend i know it is young but i feel ready and can imagine my life with one , i missed my period last month and while i was kind of scared i realised i was so excited but then it came after being a week late and i felt disappointed , i had been thinking about the future with the baby and being pregnant and realised that's what i want , so what should i expect during pregnancy and after the baby is here as obviously being a teenager will make things harder with some things ?

OP’s posts: |
BuffaloCauliflower Thu 06-May-21 20:00:37

Are you and your boyfriend both working to pay for a baby and have a home of your own for baby to live in? These are the most important factors to consider before choosing to have a baby.

Aprilshowersandhail Thu 06-May-21 20:03:23

I had a dc at 17. No regrets but wish I had a decent career or some job prospects aside first for the future...
Ime caring for a baby is easy (not for everyone I agree) the hard part is paying bills /managing a home - after managing to find one without a decent wage/dealing with a partner and a baby while functioning on little /no sleep. Food shopping /cooking while juggling a crying baby. Dealing with a sick baby and no car - you need to be 17 to drive.. Not even the chance to win the Lotto now and make all your worries go away either..

IveNameChangedAgain2020 Thu 06-May-21 20:05:15

Please don't do it. Whilst I don't regret having my daughter I had a breakdown trying to juggle studying, work and having a baby. Also with all due respect you won't be able to offer your baby what she needs. Part of being a great parent is being selfless not selfish and putting your own needs and wants first.

neroforte Thu 06-May-21 20:07:56

hey, i'm 16 years old (with a 5 month old) and my situation was a bit different to yours, as my pregnancy wasn't planned, and actually, i always said i didn't want kids until i was mid 30's before i found out.
i won't tell you not to do it because i think if you want something you should do it or you'll regret it, but i seriously think you need to get a reality check before you do anything like that. i love my son with all of my heart and am so happy i have him, but it is the hardest thing i have ever done, i am exhausted and my relationship with my boyfriend (his dad) has changed. you won't be able to go out with friends everyday after school, or go round your boyfriends house on a whim on a saturday, or just go on a spontaneous walk, everything you do will have to be planned and sorted out, and you will have to try to make arrangements to get any child free time, it is a constant job.

please think carefully.

Parsley1234 Thu 06-May-21 20:08:30

The likelihood of staying with your bf is minuscule and then you will be bringing up a baby with a part time dad if you’re lucky. Get an education a career a home then see how you are, it’s not fair on the baby getting pregnant is the easy part parenting well is hard relentless and never ending - have your life first

EvilOnion Thu 06-May-21 20:09:09

I was a teen parent (unintentional but we were dumbasses that thought it would never happen to us 🤦‍♀️).

Parenting itself isn't any harder as a teen but trying to learn how to be independent at the same time takes a huge toll mentally.

If i could go back I'd wait until we were 25+ when we were on a better position emotionally and financially.

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MoxFulder Thu 06-May-21 20:09:36

Only do it if you are happy to be a single parent with very little money.

That's my advice.

Fourleafclover93 Thu 06-May-21 20:16:34

16 is young to be planning a baby. Some things to think about. Does your boyfriend want one? Where do you live, if with your parents what do they think about it? How will you pay for baby stuff, not just now but for a child for the next 16 years? If your at school or work what will you do for childcare? Will you miss going out with friends, girls holidays, to the pub/nights out when you turn 18?

firstimemamma Thu 06-May-21 20:18:04

Please don't do it.

cantbeforeal Thu 06-May-21 20:18:55

I was pregnant with my first at 17 and I obviously I love my son but I seriously wish I'd waited. It was fine when me and his dad were together but then we split when the baby was 6 months old and I ended up stuck in on my own with a baby when all I really wanted to be doing was going out and having fun with my friends. I've now just had another baby aged 30 and the difference in how much I enjoy parenting and how much easier I find it all is huge.

cantbeforeal Thu 06-May-21 20:21:58

Also I feel like it really affected me mentally, having to go from being a child to having a child of my own with no time in between to grow up myself was actually quite traumatic for me although I didn't realise it until years later.

SunflowerOwl Thu 06-May-21 20:24:09

Firstly can you and your boyfriend afford it if you are still at school? I'm pregnant with my first and the costs of everything are really mounting up and looking at the cost of childcare is making my eyes water!

Finish your education and get some money behind you before you have babies is my advice. You have plenty of time!

1AngelicFruitCake Thu 06-May-21 20:24:19

Don’t do it. Once you have a child your freedom has gone as you knew it. You’re young, have a life of your own first.

flashylamp Thu 06-May-21 20:32:05

You need to be able to feed, clothe and house your baby. How will you do that?

Toddlerteaplease Thu 06-May-21 20:32:44

You are still a child yourself, don't do it.

firstimemamma Thu 06-May-21 20:35:17

Having a baby under 18 increases your chances of pre-eclampsia which can be life-threatening. Google it if you don't believe me.

justanotherneighinparadise Thu 06-May-21 20:37:17

You have to try and analyse why you want a child at 16. What you think the child will add to your life that doesn’t currently exist and then work on that.

For example many young mums think that babies will love them unconditionally and that’s desirable as they aren’t getting that life/attention elsewhere. Unfortunately a baby is t going to fill that void. They are generally selfish little creatures that will suck up all your time and attention and give little back. Even when they get older they’ll happily tell you they hate you alongside an occasion declaration of love.

ApplePie86 Thu 06-May-21 20:39:11

If you're seriously considering this, please start taking a folic acid supplement now. You should be taking these 3 months before trying to conceive a child.

BeeDavis Thu 06-May-21 20:46:36

Just because you want one now doesn’t mean you should. 16 is so incredibly young you will miss out on so many experiences. How do you expect to pay for the child? Is your boyfriend on board with this? Does he have a job to be able to support you both? Babies are bloody expensive, only just expecting my first baby at 28 years old. Me and my fiancé both have stable jobs, a mortgage, we’re in the perfect position. You may think you’re ready but really you’re nowhere near being able to give a child exactly what it needs.

bubblebath62636 Thu 06-May-21 20:50:41

As long as you have a home (owned ot mortgaged), a good secure job, are married and have some savings then crack on. Id also suggest being with your partner for at least 5 years first.

At 16, this is obviously very unlikely. Please don't have a baby yet, you're still one yourself.

Mylittleponysuperfan Thu 06-May-21 20:52:24

Please don’t just yet
I had my daughter at 19 and don’t get me wrong I love her but it was the most bone crushing hardest time of my life
I had no money,I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere and it really took its toll
I missed out on my 20’s-they where a blur of nappies,bottles and crushing loneliness (none of my friends had babies until later and I lost a lot of them)
I didn’t have anywhere to live-pregnant and waiting for a house is no fun
No money-it all went on nappies and baby stuff-no new clothes/make up/nights out-even bus fares had to be budgeted for
No time to pee or have a shower
I dreamed of going to college/a job-no childcare (I had to wait until my lot got older to go back to college and then a job)
The lonely nights-knowing my mates where out having fun and I wasn’t
When I was pregnant I dreamed of taking my baby to the park and wandering round town pushing my buggy round town
In real life it was 24/7 of putting everything I had (and times when I didn’t) into this tiny little human-it almost broke me
I honestly thought that I’d have someone to love me-as it was it was more giving everything to her and not much back for at least the first 18 months
I don’t regret having my children but I do wish I’d waited 10 years to have them
I was a much better parent at 29 than I ever could be at 19

ImInStealthMode Thu 06-May-21 20:53:45

First of all, where will you live? Do you have your own place? Have you both finished education and are working? What do you both want from your careers? Where will the money come from for everything you, your boyfriend and your baby need forever? What will you do for childcare? If you stay at home (or your boyfriend stays at home) does the other earn enough to support the whole family? If you'll both work, can you afford a nursery or a childminder? What are each of your views on parenting? Do you agree on the small things as well as the big things? What are each of your plans for the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years? Do they work with a baby, then child, then teenager? Do either or both of you want to get married? If so when? Do you want to buy your own house? If so when? Is your relationship long enough and strong enough that if you split up (which is likely) you'd be able to co-parent forever? Are both or your families aware of your plans and supportive? Can you give a baby a wonderful life with everything it needs, and the benefit of your own experiences to pass on?

You need to be able to answer all these questions (and more) with certainty before you try for a baby.

zoemum2006 Thu 06-May-21 20:59:27

My mum had me at 17 and she was a good mum during her teens/ 20s but she had a teenage crisis when she hit her 30s and behaved in extremely selfish ways that were annoying to teenage me.

I’d say don’t do it. What’s fine now will bite you on the bum when your older.

Littlepaws18 Thu 06-May-21 21:03:51

Nooooooooooo just nooooooooooooooooooo.

Where to start?!
1. You are not yet an adult, which means you still have a lot of growing up to do physically and mentally. You at 26 will be very different.
2. You are no where near finishing your education. If you leave now the prospect of a decent job with a decent income is so slim. You therefore will not be financially independent either relying on family, Boyfriend or state.
3. You haven't lived your life yet, you haven't been able to be selfish and put yourself first. This will not happen until you are well into adulthood.
4. The chances are you will not be able to give your child the best start in life, that's not just financially but have the necessary life experience and parenting skills to deal with life with children.
5. Pregnancy is tough on your body mentally and physically. Your body is still growing having a baby young can seriously mess your body up. Ever since I've had my baby when I laugh I pee, my epsotomy scar hurts in the winter, I have a weak bladder, are you ready for that?
6. Your life becomes second, every minute in the early years is about looking after a child. Seems great but it's emotional, dull, hard, sleeping deprived.
7. You are now responsible for a life. Can you handle that responsibility? I mean seriously if you mess up it could fuck that child up for the rest of its life.
8. The chances of you staying with your partner are slim. He is as mentally unprepared as you are. It's the cruelest thing you could do to that boy to fall pregnant without his consent too.
9. The strain and pressure you will put on your family is immense.
10. A baby is hugely expensive.
11. Can you provide a home for your child?

Yes 16 year olds get pregnant, yes some do it well but you have to climb Mount Everest to do that.

Look forward to your life, plan your careeer, plan your future, find a job, be selfish and put yourself first, find the love of your life, make memories with them, do crazy memorable things, see the world, be proud of your achievements. Go far in education, get your first house.....

Then have your babies!

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