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He's not happy with the gender.

(378 Posts)
TeaBookcats Sat 06-Mar-21 21:46:13

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP’s posts: |
mediumduboir Sat 06-Mar-21 21:48:50

Does he realise his sperm decides the sex of a baby so he should be mad at himself! Dickhead he is.

Carolina24 Sat 06-Mar-21 21:49:44

He sounds so horrible. Why did he agree to a baby at all if he only wanted a son?

Is he generally sexist? Is he even going to be capable of being a good dad to your daughter? How is he with his existing daughter?

I would be telling him it’s his job to start addressing these feelings sharpish, because it’s painting him in a truly ugly light.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 Sat 06-Mar-21 21:52:39

"He doesn't have motivation for another girl..'

So, he was hoping for a boy?

Standrewsschool Sat 06-Mar-21 21:53:13

He’s the one being selfish. What does not having the motivation actually mean?

There’s lots of positives - his daughter will have a sister etc. He should be excited for her, as well as for you.

Are there any other issues? Does he want another baby? He did know there was a 50:50 chance of having a girl. What does he expect to do going forward?

One of the advantages of not knowing the sex before the birth, is when your baby is born, you fall in love with your baby, not the sex.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 06-Mar-21 21:53:22

I’d struggle to get past that. Sperm decides the sex. He knew it was 50/50 at conception. Babies are babies for ages and boy or girl it makes no difference. He’s horribly sexist. Doesn’t have the motivation?! The fuck? What does that say about how he feels about his existing daughter?

This leaves you in a truly shitty position but if I’m honest I wouldn’t ever look at him the same again. He is an utter bastard.

TeaBookcats Sat 06-Mar-21 21:54:38

He’s really good with his daughter, after we found out he was cuddling her but when she left the room he said “im not going to lie, I'm extremely disappointed and I haven't got the motivation for another girl” and left every room I walked into.

I don't have either one of my parents and starting a family has been a long dream of mine. I've done a lot for him and his daughter. I'm very upset about it, I'm trying to be happy.

OP’s posts: |
CrappyGarage Sat 06-Mar-21 21:54:47

What a twat. Couldn’t be with someone so vile. He can’t sit in the same room as you?! He honestly sounds horrendous. You don’t need to do anything. Be excited for your baby girl and consider the possibility of going this alone.

DinosaurDiana Sat 06-Mar-21 21:55:36

Bloody ignore the ungrateful dick, then enjoy your pregnancy and your daughter.
Are you married ?

MeanMrMustardSeed Sat 06-Mar-21 21:56:36

You bought into the whole ‘gender reveal’ thing by using a canon, and are having a baby with a man with a very extreme preference. Sounds like it was a disaster waiting to happen. I sincerely hope his DD isn’t aware of how upset he is to be having another girl.

Figgygal Sat 06-Mar-21 21:56:44

He’s an idiot
Sorry op

Helmetbymidnight Sat 06-Mar-21 21:58:01

he sounds like an absolute asshole.

not the disappointment but the way hes dealing with it.

sorry op, he's not a nice man.

TeaBookcats Sat 06-Mar-21 21:58:47

The gender thing was both our idea, we wanted to include his daughter. I didn't think he'd be this upset.

OP’s posts: |
Bunnybigears Sat 06-Mar-21 21:58:53

Thats ok then cos you don't need to muster up much motivation for every other weekend do you.

UnsolicitedDickPic Sat 06-Mar-21 21:59:28

I'm so sorry OP, this is not a proportionate response from your DP. What an awful thing for him to say. I'd honestly consider leaving him because of this.

Helga55 Sat 06-Mar-21 21:59:33

If you're not married, fuck him off, what a douch bag

harknesswitch Sat 06-Mar-21 22:00:12

Wow what a tosser! I'd be packing his bags and booting him out the door

Prepare to have to become a single parent I'm afraid

BirthChoice Sat 06-Mar-21 22:01:00

Is his name Henry?

CandyLeBonBon Sat 06-Mar-21 22:06:03

I'd make plans to leave tbh. There's no way that depth of misogyny is skin deep.

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight Sat 06-Mar-21 22:06:09

'Doesn't have the motivation'? WTAF? Does he think being a parent is some kind of hobby?

I wouldn't be entertaining this ridiculous self-indulgence for a second. I'd be telling him to go and sleep elsewhere until he'd got over himself and sorted his attitude out. And - as PP say - making plans to go it alone in case he didn't.

I'm sorry he's been such a disappointment. Because, to be clear, he is the disappointment here.

backinthebox Sat 06-Mar-21 22:06:53

You’ve got yourself a proper loser there!

thecognoscenti Sat 06-Mar-21 22:06:57

He's a fucking arsehole. How dare he reject you and your child based on her genitalia. Get rid - he's not worth your or your daughter's time.

EvilPea Sat 06-Mar-21 22:08:42

What an arsehole.
Honestly, I couldn’t get past this. I’m not kidding. That’s your baby he has this much disgust for. I’d be telling him to grow the fuck up or ship out.
What motivation does a daughter take over a son?

Opticabbage Sat 06-Mar-21 22:09:37

Your poor daughter, with a dad that shitty!

Itsjustaride8w737 Sat 06-Mar-21 22:09:54

He's fucking ridiculous. I have a dd and I am pregant with DH first child.

He would of loved a boy, so would I but guess what we're having a beautiful dd instead. To be honest he probably was disappointed for a moment, not that I'd of known as he's not an insensitive moron who would behave like an idiot.

Tell him it's his sperm which decides the sex, then leave every room HE enters see how he likes it.

Congratulations by the way op!

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