Baby father

(7 Posts)
Mamma2012xx Fri 08-Jan-21 03:05:37

This is a long story but am looking for some advice or any kind of input as my family havent really been helpful they dont seem to understand what im going through at present. I have 2 children and am pregnant with my 3rd due in May i have been with their father for 12 years basically started when we were teenagers he hasnt really been around alot but as he went to prison when i was pregnant with our first we were still both quite young then. I decided to stick by him through his long sentence i dont think i really thought it through how hard and how long it really was going to be back then, i was just so in love with him and couldnt leave him but. He was released when my oldest was 3 and a half and i fell pregnant with our second child but shortly afterwards he was called back to prison again for breaching a liscense condition. We still continued our relationship as by this point i was scared to leave him i thought no one else would want me now with 2 kids on my own so i stuck with him for the fact of having someone..the love had totally gone but he really hurt me and i have never forgiven him for it. He was released again last year and i fell pregnant again after a few weeks (i was on the pill this time btw) we were really shocked but decided to keep the baby as im really against abortion. Our relationship went really downhill from that point in such a short space of time as this was only in October. He isnt supportive he doesnt help with my other two kids he would rather be doing something else other than being with us and helping out, financially wasnt in his vocabulary i paid for everything when i dont really have much.I started feeling really taken advantage of almost like a meal ticket having this person walk all over me and not lift a finger to help he didnt care that i was pregnant and at times would come home drunk and smash the place up in a fit of rage. My kids thankfully werent present and never witnessed this. It was constantly like walking on broken glass with him he was always miserable for no reason unless he was planning to go and do something stupid.One night he comitted theft and has since been charged not caring he might go back to prison with a baby on the way. I finally had enough of crying and feeling like im on my own and not good enough i ended our relationship and sent him on his way. I got in contact with him 3 weeks later to visit his children he wasnt amused and said the kids were to do the running to him. Ive offered him numerous times to visit them he has refused point blank, their not going to him as he lives far away and i have poor health at the minute i cant travel especially with corona being as bad as it is. He doesnt care and is hellbent on making excuses and now saying its me stopping him from seeing his children and using them to get back at him. I only wanted my kids to see their dad but if he doesnt care then should i bother? Am i better just blocking his number and me the kids and the new baby moving on with our lives? Will people think im a bad mum if i just give up on him completely i am so worried my kids will despise me for him not being around when their older because im the one who ended our relationship. I never in a million years thought he would take it out on our kids. Im so hurt stressed heartbroken all of the sad emotions at the minute i cant think about this by myself i need someone to put an outsiders view on the situation . Sorry for it being so long but.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-Jan-21 03:15:16

Cut him out of your life completely. In the future, if he ever gets his shit together, which I doubt, he can go to the courts to get access. I highly doubt he will do this, either.

Keep this negative influence out of your children's lives and focus on your future, without him in it. Block him completely.

TooManyKidsSendHelp Fri 08-Jan-21 06:04:54

Get rid. Don't look back.

He is able to go through court to arrange access to see his children, which everyone knows. It's his responsibility to sort that if he wants to see his kids, so just leave him to get on with it.

He sounds awful and you'll all be better off without him.

Wallywobbles Fri 08-Jan-21 06:10:33

Have a good think about why you believe you worth so little. Do whatever you need to sort out your self worth.

You are not worthless because you have 3 kids. Go and learn to be as amazing and independent as you can to show your kids what can be done.

Don't let them turn out like their Dad. For gods sake cut all ties with him for their sake. Because they are definitely worth more.

JustAnotherUserinParadise Fri 08-Jan-21 17:38:37

He sounds awful... You've offered him the opportunity to see the kids, and he doesn't want to. That might be a blessing tbh, I can't imagine he'd be a good influence on them!

Mummy2O Fri 08-Jan-21 20:57:22

It Sou ds as though they will be better off without him in their lives.

Personally, I wouldn't block his number, but I wouldn't contact him again. Leave the ball well and truly in his court.

ZooKeeper19 Fri 08-Jan-21 21:40:32

@Mamma2012xx you sound quite strong to me, and yeah life can take weird turns.

Just let the guy be, he is not a father and he is a bad example for your kids to look at.

You are a good mum, doing things by yourself is incredibly hard and brave, so if you can manage, just leave the guy to his means.

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