Pregnant but really want a girl

(17 Posts)
PFin Tue 15-Dec-20 00:02:37

Im pregnant, 19 weeks and already have a 5 year old son. First time round I didn't care what the sex was as long as he was healthy. But I have a gender scan tomorrow i'd love to be able to say whatever the sex I dont care regardless but the truth is I 100% do care. I really really want a girl, I plan on having no more kids and I am desperate to have a girl this time round and would be so happy with one of each. Obviously I have no control over this but im so scared to find out tomorrow im having a boy and feel sad about it. I dont want to feel sad about it and will feel so guilty for my baby if I do. Has anyone felt like this and how did you get over it? I feel like cancelling the scan and just waiting till the birth but partner is desperate to know.

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Belle1983 Tue 15-Dec-20 00:32:18

Hi PFin.
Didn't want to read and run.
I don't have experience of accepting a boy when I was hoping for a girl or vice versa, although I've read loads of forum posts that mostly say that initial disappointment does go quite quick.

What I do know, is your feelings now are perfectly valid.
My partner and I talked about having a little boy for so long that I was genuinely worried if we were told it was a girl, even though my head was telling me all that mattered was it was healthy.

Try to enjoy seeing your beautiful baby tomorrow. I hope you do get your girl.
If you don't, allow yourself the time you need to come to terms with it.
You will love your little bundle regardless.xx

baubll Tue 15-Dec-20 00:39:09

Why would you prefer a girl? I have been in same position as you but never quite understood why I wanted a girl? So wondered your view x

PillowPrincess Tue 15-Dec-20 06:52:31

So she could have the ideal older son younger daughter one of each combo, surely?! Isn't this the inspiration?

shelbyrae Tue 15-Dec-20 07:09:05

I felt like this with my first - really wanted/had always imagined a girl, I only had girl siblings, only girl names picked, and I had a boy. At first I was a bit down but as soon as the baby started to take on an identity in my eyes, clothes, a name, it all went away, and I couldn't love him more.

It's definitely harder before you know I think, which is why I opted to find out as soon as possible so I could get ready for the reality.

GL on your scan!

Milkshake7489 Tue 15-Dec-20 08:13:09

Stop thinking about having "a girl' or 'a boy'.

You're having your baby. He or she will be an individual and you'll love them for their own unique personality.

Whatthedoodle Tue 15-Dec-20 08:35:54

I have two boys and didn’t find out what I was having with my second. I didn’t have a preference as such, my second was my partners first and I knew he wanted more children afterwards. When he was born I couldn’t have cared less what he was I was just glad he was here safe. If you do feel any sort of disappointment if you’re having a boy it will be temporary, all those feelings will go once your baby is born.

I quickly fell pregnant with third (I’ll be 25 weeks tomorrow) this is potentially our last child (at least for a good few years anyway!). I convinced myself I didn’t mind what I was having but deep down i wanted a girl because if this is our last baby it would be my last chance to have a daughter. I found out at 15 weeks (confirmed at 17 & 20 weeks) that I am having a girl. Of course I’m absolutely delighted but I actually don’t feel any happier about her being a girl than I do about the fact I have two sons, if that makes sense.
We all imagine what our family is going to look like, whether it’s all girls, all boys or a mixture, and often if you don’t get what you imagine you think you’re missing out. Whatever family you have is meant for you, it’s your family. I look at my boys now, see how they play together etc and honestly I would have 10 if I could. If they were girls I’d feel the same!

In a nutshell, once your baby is born you’ll be happy either way.

I hope everything goes well for you!


lockdownpregnancy Tue 15-Dec-20 08:37:01

Hi OP. We wanted a boy and we had a boy so I never went through the gender disappointment portion of my pregnancy, but I was dreading finding out at my scan as I really didn't want a girl!
So many women will rip you to shreds for feeling that way but as another pp said your feelings are valid.
I knew deep down that if I was going to have a girl by the time she arrived I would just want her to be healthy and the bottom line is, is that's all that matters.
If you end up having another boy then you have another 5 months to get used to the idea.
There are so many positives that come out of having two children that are boys.
Their bond/friendship they will have, using some of their old stuff which will save you a fortune etc etc.
I know it's hard and I'm lucky that I got what I wanted but do try to focus on the positives after you've found out.
I wish you all the best for your scan and rest of your pregnancy.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings Tue 15-Dec-20 09:36:35

I understand how you feel- I have a girl and wanted another girl, but am pregnant with a boy.

I wasn't disappointed- more shocked, as I thought I could only make girls (theory DH and I had after repeat mcs).

It took me a while to get used to it, but what's helped is sorting out his clothes, room etc. It made him a real little person to me.

Also, my DD's personality is so completely different to anything I was expecting (she's the most active, rough and tumble child in the world and much more like DH than me) that I would have been disappointed if you could get pregnancy personality tests and I'd known what she'd be like 😂

But now she's here I'm literally obsessed with her and think she's the most amazing three year old in the world.

What I'm try to say is while you don't always get what you (think you) wanted, when they're here it doesn't matter so much because you love the child you're given.

SH2021 Tue 15-Dec-20 10:18:42

Glad this is being discussed.

I have my 20 week scan on Monday and hoping for a girl. It seems like such a taboo thing to say. I'm obviously so grateful to even have the chance of having a baby and bottom line is you want them to be healthy but I think it's fair enough to have a preference.

People ask why you want one over the other. I am one of 3 girls and both my sisters have 2 girls each. I guess it's all I know so it's what I visualise. Also I think about the kind of things mum and daughters can do when they are older.

I do think that once I know if it's a boy or a girl my mindset will change. It's just the not knowing that plays tricks on what you think.

Like others have said, once you know you can make plans and buy little clothes to give them a proper identity, I think that's more what I'm missing at the moment. I want to be able to say "he" or "she" and have fun picking out their name etc.

Good luck with the scan smile

blowinahoolie Tue 15-Dec-20 12:23:35

How did you get on OP?

AnneZ31 Tue 15-Dec-20 12:31:01

Glad this has been brought up. I found out yesterday I am having a boy. I really wanted a girl. Am suffering with the disappointment and I feel really guilty for it. Any tips?

MrsMarrio Tue 15-Dec-20 12:51:39

To those with gender disappointment... once you give birth that all melts away in an instant. You love your child and feel overwhelming happiness regardless.

My parents had 4 boys in 4 years then a girl (me) 7 years later and even though we are all loved the same my dad gets on with boy number 3 the best and my mum gets on with boy number 4 the best so it really doesn't matter. Neither of them were ever disappointed with having 4 boys in a row but I think GP were and they had less and less interest as another boy was born until they finally had me were my mum rather proudly told them to piss off.

Just remember you chose to have a baby or another baby, you didn't chose to get pregnant to have a boy or girl.

RosieGirl27 Tue 15-Dec-20 13:03:24

I’m 19 weeks pregnant, found out I was having my second boy at a private scan at 16 weeks. I cried when I found out. Sulked all day. Was horrible to DP because I don’t want any more children and I wanted a little girl to dress up and go shopping with. That evening DP lost it with me, For not allowing him to be excited. I felt awful like a spoilt child. My second son is our child. A creation of both of us. I adore my first born and I know I’m going to love this little boy just as much. I have been fortunate enough to get pregnant naturally with 2 beautiful little boys. My first born is my bestest friend and I know this next one and him are going to be so close. There’s only going to be 14 months between them. Your not guaranteed to get a girl who’s girly or going to be close to you when she’s older, being a good parent makes your children want to spend time with you, not their genitals.

blowinahoolie Tue 15-Dec-20 14:48:49

Boys are great fun precisely because it's the unknown, different from what you are used to. I have four of them so I should know 😂

I wasn't interested in finding out. At the end of the day, they are all individuals and one day will go off in their own directions with different interests.

You can't mould a boy or girl into something that you desire.

Helenknowsbest Tue 15-Dec-20 16:26:35

@PFin hey did you find out what you're having smile

PFin Tue 15-Dec-20 17:20:03

Hi ladies thank you all for your responses @SH2021 i agree I felt like I was bringing up a taboo subject and I was a bit scared incase I got a bit of abuse for not just being thankful im pregnant but yous have all been so supportive and I realise im defo not alone so thank you.

Anyway had scan a few hours ago and only home. I am very happy to say im having a baby girl and am over the moon. One each and now im done lol!

That being said when I lay on the bed at first I found myself thinking I hope theres a heartbeat and nothing is visibly wrong i wasnt thinking I hope this is a girl not a boy. So it defo became less important to me when it came to the health of baby which alot of you said.

Although I cant say I wouldnt of felt disapointed im sorry to those who havnt got want they wanted but they will all be as precious as each other. Tbh I now feel mum guilt about even contemplating
feeling disapointed about something that didnt even happen.

Thank you all!

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