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Pregnancy

12 scan, husband can't come

21 replies

LLLTB · 09/12/2020 13:15

Hey I wanted to see if everyone else in other areas rules are the same. Because I read that they had changed it so partners could come to the scan. We are devastated that he can come to the scan seems so ridiculous that we aren't allowed to take support. I'm going to be so anxious on my own. Is this the same for the 20week aswell?

Can't see our baby together but can go to the pub, it's a joke!!

OP posts:

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ThirdTimeLuckyIHope · 09/12/2020 13:21

My OH couldn't come to our 12 week scan either but he did insist on coming and sitting outside in the car.

We have booked a private scan for just before Christmas so he can come and have a look and our hospital is letting partners attend the 20 week scan he just didn't want to wait that long

It did make it more nerve wracking but all the staff were really friendly and gave me a couple of really nice scan pics to show off

samlh · 09/12/2020 13:23

It said on my appointment letter than only I could go, but I rang them a few days before and they said 1 person could come with me.

It is a medical appointment, so I get where they come from when they limit the amount of people, especially at the 20 week scan because it's not a gender scan, it's an anomaly scan and they have to check to make sure baby is okay and everything is functioning okay.

Maybe ring them up just before the scan and ask if you can have 1 person in, they might agree with you being anxious and as long as you both wear masks etc.

Snowsx · 09/12/2020 13:26

My partner was allowed to come to my 12 week scan and ive had a letter for my 20 week one for next week and hes allowed to come again to this one as far as I know.
With the 12 week he just had to leave straight after the scan and I stayed to see a midwife after!
I'm in tier 2.
Hope you're ok i would be so pissed off if I were you! Can you book for a private scan so you can see baby together for the first time?

MsHedgehog · 09/12/2020 13:26

Every trust has their own rules. When I had my 12 week scan, DH wasn't allowed to come, but they changed the rules the very next day to allow partners to come. We missed it by a day.

My 20 week scan was in lockdown 2.0, and I thought they would change the rules again to stop partners, but he was allowed to come, but only to the scan - he had to wait downstairs in the lobby and could only come up when I was about to go into the room for the scan.

We dealt with the 12 week scan by having a private scan the weekend before, so that we had that experience together, before I had the 12 week scan on my own.

Trousersareoverrated · 09/12/2020 13:30

12 week scan here you are not allowed to bring anyone. The 20 week scan you are allowed but I think it varies by area. Its annoying and would be horrible if you found out bad news but there is a reason for it. Also the pub rule is set by the government who want to keep the economy afloat. The scan rule is set by the NHS who want to prevent as many COVID related deaths as possible.

Jobsharenightmare · 09/12/2020 14:00

Our maternity matron has Covid so there's no way we're changing the rules to allow partners. We also had maternal deaths. It is a good idea if your partner can be in the car park though in case of bad news as at that point we'd let him in there was a private room in our suite to discuss options.

MimiDaisy11 · 09/12/2020 14:19

I had my 12-week last week and I was fortunate that my partner was allowed to come and it says on the letter for 20 week scan that he can come too. I'm in Edinburgh.

ExeterMummaMia · 09/12/2020 14:31

Partners are allowed to scans here (tier 2 area with very very low rates). However, due to work commitments and covid rules at his work the team were unable to cover him (it would burst the bubble at his school) so I had to go alone anyway. Just to let you know that the sonographer and her assistant were so kind and really put me at ease, knowing I was alone.

elenacampana · 09/12/2020 14:37

I’m sure going to the scan by yourself is disappointing and all of the those affected have my sympathies on that.

However, going to the pub and the hospital are not comparable. Is not a ‘joke’.

PlantingGreen · 09/12/2020 14:42

My DH couldn't cone to my 12 and 20 week scan. They lifted the restrictions for 12 and 20 week scans when i was around 25 weeks and for all other scans a few weeks later. Luckily he was able to come to my 28, 32 and 36 week scan. You should ring them up and ask if he can come

SnarkWeek · 09/12/2020 14:50

All those suggesting that it’s no big deal to not have partners at their scans should have a read of Caroline Criado Perez’s latest blogpost, where she talks about her recent experience of miscarrying during lockdown. It is barbaric. As someone who had a MMC at 12 weeks, the idea of going through that alone is appalling newsletter.carolinecriadoperez.com/archive/293917

ChunkyButFunky87 · 09/12/2020 14:51

I also got the letter saying go alone in a couple of weeks. I rang and she said no you can bring partner, it's allowed now but the central place that sends letters haven't updated template!

Definitely check first :)

mariebaby3 · 09/12/2020 14:59

Our trust has a facebook page and on there it says we're allowed one support partner at our early pregnancy and anomaly scan. May be worth checking if they have something similar that they keep up to date with recent guidelines?

TheDaydreamBelievers · 09/12/2020 15:15

@SnarkWeek agreed. I had to go alone to my 12 week scan, where I found out our baby had died at 10+5 and this was a MMC. Luckily they let me call my husband up from the car so at least the next hour at the hospital we were together. But he had to hear we had lost the baby on the phone, a 10 min walk away.

I then had to go alone to 2 further appts, self isolate from my husband for 3 days prior to surgery to remove our baby, then sit alone all afternoon 12-530 in a hospital ward before surgery and 2 hrs after it. The staff were wonderful. I still would have rather had my husband there. I do feel some aspects of maternity care should change their policies, despite covid19 risks.

SnarkWeek · 09/12/2020 15:23

Daydream I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s so cruel

LLLTB · 09/12/2020 15:44

@mariebaby3

Our trust has a facebook page and on there it says we're allowed one support partner at our early pregnancy and anomaly scan. May be worth checking if they have something similar that they keep up to date with recent guidelines?

I just had a look and they have an official Facebook page for my maternity service/scans at my hospital. And it does say on there 1 partner at both 12 and 20 week scans. :) phew! Thankyou if I'd not seen your comment I wouldn't have thought to look. Seems they haven't updated the rules on the paperwork.

Sorry to anyone who had to find out bad news on your own I couldn't imagine how hard that must have been 💕

OP posts:

MsHedgehog · 09/12/2020 15:59

@LLLTB

You should call the hospital just to double check, just in case!

MsHedgehog · 09/12/2020 16:00

@TheDaydreamBelievers

I'm so sorry, that sounds really upsetting and a horrible experience. I hope you are now healing and starting to feel better.

3rdtimelucky2019 · 09/12/2020 17:21

All depends on trust. I get nobody for 12 or 20.

3rdtimelucky2019 · 09/12/2020 17:21

Tier 2 area btw

mariebaby3 · 09/12/2020 17:46

@LLLTB ahh brilliant I’m so glad you’re able to go together! :) they really should be updating their paperwork though as I wonder how many ladies go alone when they don’t need to.

@TheDaydreamBelievers I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience alone. It shouldn’t be happening :(

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