5.5 month old baby and pregnant again & torn on how to continue

[FirstTM2020]

Hi all,

We have a wonderful baby boy who is soon to be 6 months he was very much planned. We have recently found out we are pregnant again despite taking no risks we use condoms always (i have a blood clotting disorder that prevents us from using the pill etc).

I am so torn on how to proceed with this. My partner is very supportive and believes we should accept this challenge, but on the flipside fully is supportive if not.

I have a million questions spinning in my brain. I have been on the receiving end of a 12 week miscarriage which resulted in surgery to remove which was awful so to terminate it feels hideously wrong but i just cant see a way forward either.

Anybody out there been in same position and able to give me any wise realistic advice. It would be so appreciated.

Thank you xxx

[feistymumma]

Hello, didn't want to read and run. Firstly congratulations.

What are you most worried about, is it how you will cope with two so close or other things like finances, career, living arrangements etc. The positive of having them so close together is that they grow up together and you do all the school run etc one time. I have very big gaps with mine, 22,15, 11 and I am pregnant. The gaps were advantageous in that it was one baby at a time but the major disadvantage is that I have been caught up in school run, nurseries and nappies for the longest time :). Good thing is your partner is supportive irrespective. Hope you reach a decision you are happy with.

[Hunnihun2]

Awww OP. Do you have any idea at this stage if you wanted another child? What’s your family support network like?

I’ve not been in your shoes. I would be tempted to keep the baby though.

[Starlightstarbright1]

What are you worries ?

There are many people on tjis forum who have done it tjis close.. but there isn't a right orvwrong here

[FirstTM2020]

Thanks so much for your replies.... so in a nutshell kind of answering all your questions...

We earn a comfortable wage between us... im a charge nurse and my partner is self employed in construction and does well.. so although we are comfortable to some extent my maternity wage is shitty compared to my usual wage so doing it for a year was fine but for another year is like eeek! I wanted to put our boy to nursery at 1 years old on return to work for a couple of half sessions a week just because i feel its great to be around other kiddies... we have very supportive famillies and my in laws are both retired which are great and they were gonna help childcare wise for the rest of the time i went back to work all worked out great! But then this puts a spin on it... how could i expect my retired in laws to now actually take 2 i worry its too much and cheeky to ask! (They are 70 years old also)

My parents work full time and love having sleepovers at the weekends and dinners all together through the week!

Our living situ is a huge worry- we were in the process of moving into a 3/4 bed house.. we currently are in a 2 bed. We were so excited about this moving into a bigger family home but if we were to continue with this pregnancy it would mean staying where we were as going from a £300 mortgage to a £800 mortgage just isn't feesable with only my partners wage coming... it would stretch all bills included but why struggle it would mean penny counting which sounds awful!!

The practicalities just seem insane at this time and i have the mum guilt thing going on too about not investing all our time in our baby boy at such a young age...

Hope this helps paint a picture a little better xx

[FirstTM2020]

Also we wanted to have another when our boy was around 3 years old as it gives us lots of time with him before introducing a sibling and also nursery fees are free at age 3 in scotland so it would only mean 1 set of nursery fees for a second child x

[Tr1skel1on]

There is 15.5mo between my 2 and DC 2 was 2 weeks late.

I found the first 2 years really really difficult, then it suddenly got so much easier.

They are both teenagers now and being so close in age has been so important for both of them during lockdown.

It hasn't been easy but I have no regrets.

I also got my tubes tied asap to make sure I couldn't end up with a 3rd DC! :)

[Mommabear20]

Hey! I'm currently in the same situation (however ours was planned!)

DD is 5 months old and I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant 😁

We have all the same worries as you, but we believe that despite how difficult it is going to be, that it's a short term loss, long term gain kinda situation. We too will have to penny count, delay moving to a larger home etc BUT the thing to remember is that at the most this will last for 3 year and our daughter would only be 4 and won't remember this part of her life but will have a sibling very close in age for the rest of her life.

Tbh, we don't see a great difference (we know there as differences but not massive ones) in having a 1yr old and a newborn or having a 3yr old and a newborn. Both are still needy, and time consuming, but what we will get is potty training could potentially be done at the same time (children being compliant permitted! 😂) bottles and nappies will be over and done with in one go, and we will also be able to 'get on with our lives' so to speak as we won't have to wait loads more years before DC2 is old enough to travel places and do things etc.

If you wanted to PM me id be happy to keep in touch throughout our journeys to baby #2 and beyond! X

[FirstTM2020]

@Mommabear20 pm'd ya ! 🥰 xx

[WaxOnFeckOff]

I have 13 months between my now adult DC. I'm not going to lie, it's not easy when they are small and the childcare is difficult as it's not easy to hand 2 toddlers to elderly relatives.

We took the option of having a stay at home parent which ended up being my nurse husband.

He was able to pick up bank shifts at the weekends and once they went to nursery, only 12.5 hours back then, he would do back shifts and I'd pick up.

It is doable and a two bed is fine for a good while.

There are advantages about not dragging out sleepless nights, they are great friends and good company for each other plus you'd be able to get properly back on your feet financially after a few years.

I'd say all in all we don't regret having a small gap but then never experienced the alternative.

[StaceImpactWfan]

Hi, only you can decide what's best for you... but let me tell you my story.

I found out I was pregnant when my eldest son was 5 months old. I decided to keep baby (as I believe everything happens for a reason) there's 14 months between them, it was a struggle at first but once we were in a routine it got easier, we lived in a 2 bed and we managed ok.

Fast forward a few years they are now 5&4 (almost 6&5) and they are the best of friends, they argue and fight like boys do but in the end they always make up. I'm now pregnant with baby 3 who is due next month and we still live in a 2 bed (smaller than the previous one) but we manage. It is doable but like I say, only you can decide.

[FirstTM2020]

I am honestly so grateful from the bottom of my heart for each of your replies... some great points and puts my thoughts in to perspective. THANK YOU ❤️

[Floopyandtired]

Hi OP, I found out I was pregnant when my little boy was 8 months old. Honestly I was absolutely devastated. I tried so hard but I couldn’t muster any positive feelings about the pregnancy. I felt like I’d only just had a baby, I wasn’t physically or mentally ready for another. My partner felt the same but ultimately would have supported my decision. I chose to have a termination. It wasn’t an easy decision but I can honestly say I’ve never regretted it. My little boy is now 3 and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with our much wanted second baby.

Good luck whatever you decide x