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Anyone hidden a pregnancy until 20 weeks?

(33 Posts)
Bapples Sun 22-Nov-20 00:38:55

I know this is a strange question and I’ll probably get lots of mean answers...but has anyone done this?

My first and only child I told everyone at 12 weeks. Went for anatomy scan at 20 weeks where they found the baby had multiple birth defects. Everyone knew I’d had the scan and obviously were asking about it. I felt that I had no time to get my head around it before I was being bombarded with questions I didn’t have the answers to. I’m the type who likes to be left alone to process things and having to face the news plus the questions, opinions and reactions of others isn’t something I’d like to repeat if it happened again. I know women show quicker on second pregnancies but I didn’t start showing properly last time until about 16 weeks. In case anyone is interested, my child in now 2 and doing well after several surgeries but has life long issues they’ll need to manage and future surgeries.

OP’s posts: |
Holyrivolli Sun 22-Nov-20 00:46:17

Sorry to hear about your dc struggles and hope any future surgeries go well.

In response to your question. I kept my first pregnancy pretty much a secret until about 20 weeks. I told my family but not most of my friends and colleagues. Looking back I’ve got no idea why but it just felt like the right thing to do. I was lucky that I had no morning sickness and managed to dress to hide the emerging bump. Some people might have guessed but were polite enough not to comment. It just felt like something private. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Apandemicyousay Sun 22-Nov-20 00:49:27

I was similar- I had told a few friends/family after 12 weeks but not work colleagues until after my scan. Also didn’t show until quite late with some baggy tops etx

S00LA Sun 22-Nov-20 00:49:27

I’d glad to hear your child is doing well now.

Are you already pregnant or just making plans ?

And when you say you are thinking of hiding it - I assume you mean from colleagues and wider family and friends and not from your partner and your doctor / midwife ?

Depending on what your job is, you may need to tell your employer before that if they need to make adjustments for you eg If you are exposed to chemicals at work or work at heights as your balance might be affected.

Apart from these, it’s really up to you when you tell people. I think it will be hard to hide at 20 weeks in a subsequent pregnancy unless you wear really baggy clothes or are a very curvy build normally.

I know of three women who managed to hide a pregnancy to term but it was their first. And they all had some emotional / mental health issues and didn’t want to be pregnant.

IdblowJonSnow Sun 22-Nov-20 00:52:49

I hid my first until I was 15 weeks. Don't think I would have got away with it til 20 weeks.
But if you can and you want to then do.
Glad to hear your child is ok.

allfurcoatnoknickers Sun 22-Nov-20 01:08:27

I hid until 20 weeks at work last time - lots of chunky jumpers and a-line dresses. I also had a very useful gilet which did a good job of camouflaging my middle.

CayrolBaaaskin Sun 22-Nov-20 01:11:26

Yes I did. No one noticed

Bapples Sun 22-Nov-20 01:33:26

S00LA

I’d glad to hear your child is doing well now.

Are you already pregnant or just making plans ?

And when you say you are thinking of hiding it - I assume you mean from colleagues and wider family and friends and not from your partner and your doctor / midwife ?

Depending on what your job is, you may need to tell your employer before that if they need to make adjustments for you eg If you are exposed to chemicals at work or work at heights as your balance might be affected.

Apart from these, it’s really up to you when you tell people. I think it will be hard to hide at 20 weeks in a subsequent pregnancy unless you wear really baggy clothes or are a very curvy build normally.

I know of three women who managed to hide a pregnancy to term but it was their first. And they all had some emotional / mental health issues and didn’t want to be pregnant.

Just making plans. I’m my child’s carer so wouldn’t need to worry about work. It’s more the thought of family’s anticipation making me more anxious. I think the hardest part would be organising childcare without arousing suspicion. I’d definitely tell my husband and get medical care.

OP’s posts: |
S00LA Sun 22-Nov-20 01:41:54

That’s good.

Do you mean you need childcare to attend antenatal appointments ? Cant you just say you have a dental appointment? Or you have to go and see a friend who is upset because she’s had bad health news. Then later you can say it was just a scare and it’s all fine now, her tests were all clear.

Christmasbiscuit Sun 22-Nov-20 01:46:37

Kept mine quiet until 24 weeks. I had the tiniest bump which was easy to hide. Hope everything goes well for you.

Mintyt Sun 22-Nov-20 02:42:20

I kept mine quiet, it was my 3rd child and people where very surprised to see me pushing a pram!!

Onceuponatimethen Sun 22-Nov-20 03:05:19

Yes my dsil did this. In her case because she very understandably wanted to be able to have tfmr without having to make that public, if her dd had the same very significant condition as her oldest.

It worked and she just told very close family. Her baby was born unaffected and it was a healthy pg

DougRossIsTheBoss Sun 22-Nov-20 03:15:17

I tried to keep my 2nd pregnancy secret until 20 weeks because honestly I didn't believe it would last. I'd had a succession of miscarriages and been devastated so many times.
I went to work every day throughout but wasn't showing much. Didn't need maternity clothes and just dressed to disguise my tummy.
No-one said anything until after I announced it and when I did a lot of people were amazed/ didn't believe me but my female boss said she had known. Whether that's true or not I don't know but she never said.

coronafiona Sun 22-Nov-20 03:32:01

Me. I was in normal clothes until 20 weeks and didn't tell my employer until then.

calimommy Sun 22-Nov-20 03:56:08

It's harder to hide a second pregnancy but not impossible. I believe your reasoning is completely justified. I didn't relax with this pregnancy until after the anomaly scan. I had had very low risk Harmony results which I thought would satisfy me but then the anxiety about physical issues crept in. Once the anomaly went well I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn't kept the pregnancy secret or anything, quite the opposite 😆, but now I feel a weight off my shoulders. There really are no hard and fast rules. Do what makes you comfortable.

LittleRa Sun 22-Nov-20 04:02:23

CayrolBaaaskin

Yes I did. No one noticed

To be honest, even if people do notice (i.e. think to themselves “hmm she’s getting a bit bigger round the middle... I wonder if she’s pregnant”), it would be very rude of them to say anything until they’d heard officially.

WindblowingSW Sun 22-Nov-20 04:11:24

DougRossIsTheBoss

I tried to keep my 2nd pregnancy secret until 20 weeks because honestly I didn't believe it would last. I'd had a succession of miscarriages and been devastated so many times.
I went to work every day throughout but wasn't showing much. Didn't need maternity clothes and just dressed to disguise my tummy.
No-one said anything until after I announced it and when I did a lot of people were amazed/ didn't believe me but my female boss said she had known. Whether that's true or not I don't know but she never said.

Yes this was me. Lots of m/c and say nothing and dressed in my most forgiving clothes and muttered about needing to go on a diet. Even on a night out, no alcohol as I was driver etc at a BBQ non alcoholic beer etc

ivfbeenbusy Sun 22-Nov-20 05:19:48

I didn't tell most people this time until I was 20 weeks (lost 7 previous pregnancies) but lockdown and WFH helped as wasn't seeing anytime (having twins so has very visible bump from 9 weeks). I told very immediate family only and to be honest if I could have physically hid it from them I would have done too just to avoid the constant pressure of daily check ins that I wasn't going to lose them x

bumblingalonghappily Sun 22-Nov-20 05:33:18

Honestly, I would have found it extremely hard to hide my second pregnancy for that long. I started to show at 9/10 weeks and even in baggy clothes by 16/17 weeks it was very obvious. I work in a school and I told my colleagues after the 12 week scan- a couple told me they had already guessed (they hadn't said anything though). The students at my school definitely started to guess a couple of weeks later- lots of murmurs and stares at my belly. Again, no one said anything though until I told them. It would be very very rude of them to!

Garman Sun 22-Nov-20 07:42:23

I kept both of my pregnancies quiet for a very long time just because I hate the attention and fuss people make, we told family at around 12 weeks, close friends around then too, but didn't tell other friends until 30 weeks in some cases. I'm self employed so didn't have to worry about boss or colleagues, but I did several work related events up to 30 weeks and nobody noticed, I luckily get very small easily hidden bumps. I could definitely get to 20 weeks minimum without telling anyone other than DH and very close family.

Paperyfish Sun 22-Nov-20 07:57:07

Yes. Am currently 22 weeks- still haven’t told most colleagues or many friends. Had worrying 12 week scan ( now resolved) and previously lost a baby at 41 weeks. Pregnancy and all the attention and question round it make me nervous so I don’t draw attention to it.
I had to tell my boss, who then went and told an ex colleague. I was very cross. I don’t think he’ll mention it to anyone else now.
My immediate family know.
I teach a practical subject so get away with wearing very baggy clothes ( boiler suits! Or overalls) and my students don’t seem to know. I will mention it to them it to them at Christmas so they are aware I’m not going to be teaching the Easter term.
The lost baby was my first. This is my fourth. With baby 2 I did the same an just told people on a need to know basis. I did have one friend who I rarely saw who was furious I hadn’t told her and now we don’t speak.

40weekswithno2 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:04:42

My friend didn't tell anyone about her 4th until she was 20 weeks. Her mum didn't even notice.

CoalCraft Sun 22-Nov-20 09:09:30

Not personally but a lady in work managed to hide hers from colleagues and wider friends till 6 months!

She was lucky in that she'd always worn quite flowy clothes, didn't have bad sickness or other noticeable symptoms and didn't get huge until late on. She just made sure she drove to any nights out, etc. so her not drinking wouldn't arouse suspicion.

I told a wider audience at 12 weeks but had a few appointments before then (some early complications) which I either took annual leave for or framed as dental appointments.

Melabells Sun 22-Nov-20 09:26:17

With all my pregnancies only close immediate families knew after 12 weeks. We never told friends or announced on social media until baby arrived safe. We had a difficult ttc journey so didn't want to "jinx" anything.

Hellomoonstar Sun 22-Nov-20 09:36:33

I have never hidden any pregnancy. However, I never made any announcements either. If people asked me I tell them, if not I keep my mouth shut. I temporarily avoided the biggest gossiping people I know. That is it. Since I already wear lose clothes lot of people were very surprised to see baby after birth twice.

Yes, I gain a lot of weight in the first trimester so people still believe I’m overweight by the time I give birth. You should have seen ds friend mothers reaction and a neighbour. It was comical. It always only ends with them assuming I didn’t know know and that I must have the easiest pregnancy they know. I do correct them and say I knew and yes my pregnancy is simpler than others but they are not easy by long shot.

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