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I’m pregnant - but my best friend isn’t happy for me(7 Posts)
Me an my partner were due to get married in the summer but it’s was rearranged do to COVID, we’ve been together over 9 years now and have always wanted kids once we had bought our house an gotten married (despite accidentally falling pregnant a twice a couple of years ago the unfortunately were both miscarriages) which you can imagine was hard on both of us we then decided to wait till after the wedding now we’d moved in our house so we were going to try as soon as we were married. The wedding got cancelled but we decided to try anyway, which we quickly became pregnant and this was the absolute best new for both of us an our families. Every single person but my best friend has been over the moon, congratulating us, constantly checking in and asking how me an baby our doing.
My best friend who I’ve been closest to hasn’t once said congratulations, when I find her I was pregnant she said “did you plan it? “I thought you was waiting till after the wedding?” “What about your wedding dress?” In all honestly it made me feel like I was being questioned. I’m now 16 weeks an we have drifted apart however we have spoken sometimes an seen each other however not half as much as we used to, I’m not sure what to make of the situation or what to do or say, because when we’re in each other’s company it’s normal but she doesn’t ever ask about the baby and we don’t talk about my pregnancy at all. Most of my friends text an call an ask how I’m getting on, eating right all that kind of stuff but I feel like my pregnancy is the elephant in the room we don’t talk about. I keep trying not to let it get to me or let it pass but it’s confusing. Our other friends that have kids she’s so happy for an I know when they have been pregnant she has been different towards them. It genuinely makes me feel like she’s not happy for me.
I just can’t understand why she will stay in touch here an there, ask about my family etc but never bring up I’m pregnant or ask how is the baby doing? If it’s something she is upset about herself then I don’t want to cause confrontation an make her feel uncomfortable. But I just really like her to be happy for me or not bother at all as I’m wanting to distance myself more which is upsetting, if I had of said this 6 months ago I wouldn’t of believed myself.
She probably worried about how you having a baby will affect your friendship. Is she married? In a relationship? Have kids? Maybe she sees you moving on and she feels left behind, even if at this stage things havenot actually changed yet. But they will.
Pregnancy and becoming a mum really makes you see who is here for you. It truly is a eye opener. It's really sad that she may not be happy for her friend no matter how she feels inside. Be it jealous (which is probably is) or confused etc.
I'd personally take a big step back and see if she makes the first move. You shouldn't stress or do the chasing.
Jealously is a hard thing, especially when the person doesn't have the main ticket items in their life (marriage, baby, house). Dont pull away, because the gap will grow and never heal. Try and just act normal and eventually she'll come around. This is a horrific time for us all, mental health is private and she's obviously suffering with others moving on without her.
On paper, yes it's a case of 'why can't she just be happy for me', but in reality, it's so difficult to be happy when you're really not.
Good luck, just enjoy your moment and let her cope with it slowly x
She could have something else going on in her life. I've been trying to conceive for years now and to be completely honest I'd be utterly heartbroken if my friend told me they were having a baby.
You haven't said anything about where she is in her life...so I'm guessing she doesn't have kids yet? Is she single?
There are a lot of reasons she might be struggling with your news!
You've had miscarriages so you know how devastating they can be. Perhaps she has been experiencing something similar but hasn't told you? Or maybe she's found out she or her partner has serious fertility issues and she's going to need IVF, maybe she doesn't have a partner at all? So many reasons really??? Maybe she's just not that interested in pregnancy and doesn't know what to day? I'd give her some space and see what happens when the baby arrives? Lots of friendships drift when children come along