Placenta abruption

[Hhdxx]

Hello. I am looking for information, help and support please.
I had a placenta abruption 6 weeks ago when I was 28 and a half weeks. I had an emergency c section and my baby had to be resuscitated after delivery. Sadly, she was starved of oxygen and they said that they would withdraw care. The next day, she passed away in my arms. This is the worst pain that I have ever felt and can imagine. I miss her so much.
This is what happened: The night before the emergency c section, I was rushed to hospital because part of my placenta was abrupting but they said it would be fine. There was a lot of blood, and I mean a lot but the baby's heart beat was fine.
Literally 9 hours later, the whole thing detached. This is when they did an emergency c section but it was too late.

I'm just reaching out for help from people that understand or have any information. Can I get pregnant again? Will I have to wait? Why did they not take her out the night before when she was fine and still had a chance? I miss her so much that it hurts.

Thank you x

[thetangleteaser]

Oh OP this is horrendous that this happened to you and your family but I really don’t think Mumsnet is going to answer your questions. You need to contact your hospital and arrange to meet with the consultant for a debriefing, they will explain the events and give you an understanding. Perhaps you could also look into counselling as you’ve suffered such a traumatic event. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, I imagine a pregnancy would not be recommended for at least a year due to the abruption and c section but again I think needs to be discussed with your consultant.

I hope you have good support around you, sending love x

[TenThousandSpoons0]

Hi OP, I commented on the other thread as well. I see you haven’t had many replies on here, I think what @thetangleteaser said is true in that you really need to be able to talk this through with the medical team involved.
I did want to try to add a little bit for you though.
There are support groups around for pregnancy loss - SANDS is a good one so hopefully you’ve been given their information already. Others may be able to suggest alternatives as well. I hope you have a lot of support around you from family/friends, though I know that may be limited by Covid depending on where you are. Do you have a good GP? If so, and if you haven’t done already, I’d suggest making an appointment with them just to talk, so they can provide extra support over time as well. This is not something that you’ll get through quickly so be kind to yourself and try to take things day by day.

With regard to some of your questions - it’s normal to have all these “what if” thoughts and processing them is part of grieving. You should have been offered a debrief appointment by the hospital (often done between 6-12 weeks) and that will help to answer some of those questions. Counseling may also help with ways to cope with those “what if’s” and make peace as well.
In terms of a little insight into some of your questions, it will depend on details of your surgery but generally yes you can get pregnant again, but waiting a year or so is commonly advised. As to why your baby girl wasn’t taken out earlier - the doctors will be able to explain the situation in more detail but it’s a very tricky balancing act. Most bleeding, even if a small abruption, does not lead to catastrophic abruption and baby passing away - you were very very unlucky. If all Mums who had bleeding at 28 weeks had a CS, then there would be a lot of unnecessary early deliveries, and possibly more babies would die (as 28 week prems can have significant complications too). It’s Very difficult trying to consider whether there is more benefit to delivering, or to waiting - that balance gets a bit easier as you get closer to your due date but at 28 weeks the doctors would have been worried about baby’s outcomes if they delivered too early. Scans and monitoring don’t always show abrupt toon (the bleed behind the placenta can only be seen about 50% of the time on USS).
Of course all of that probably doesn’t make you feel much better but I guess I’m trying to convey that these are not decisions that the medical teams take lightly.
If you haven’t got a follow up appointment I’d suggest calling the hospital (ask for midwifery lead might be easiest) to arrange one. Make sure you take a support person or two with you. Write down any questions in advance as well.
Again - I’m so sorry for your loss.

[BeMorePacific]

So sorry for your loss.
Please have a debrief at the hospital, and seek some additional support.
Take care x

[Hhdxx]

@thetangleteaser thank you for your reply. I was on a chat with other pregnant ladies and I keep secretly looking at it imagining what it would've been like if I was still on it with my lovely baby kicking away happily in my tummy. I'm waiting on my hospital review which feels like forever, the days are dragging. xx

@TenThousandSpoons0 Thank you for your reply. I'm waiting for my review but it's taking so long and I wondered if there was anyone who knows anything about future pregnancies.
I am using support from SANDs which has been a life line. Unfortunately I am in an area where there is a lockdown so I can't see family or friends. It's so hard. I am just by myself all day in the house as my husband is back at work. My GP isn't very good. I am going today for a problem that I've had for 3 weeks (but only able to have a telephone consultation) that has got a lot worse, so they have to see me. They wouldn't see my after my operation when I had pain in my tummy. I ended up going to A and E and had a womb infection that had led to sepsis. I was really poorly.I nearly missed my daughter's funeral because of it.
I know that they wouldn't have wanted to deliver her early. I just wonder what if they had. It's not their fault. It's no ones fault, I just want an answer even though I don't think there is one. There was so much blood even with the first bleed which is what I don't understand.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. I'm sturggling at the moment. I just want her back. My arms actually ache to hold her. xxx

:BeMorePacific thank you xxx