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Am I being unreasonable? 38 weeks pregnant

(16 Posts)
Portionsforfoxes Sun 13-Sep-20 08:05:14

I am over 38 weeks pregnant  with my first baby and my dad has just said he is thinking of going on on a 5 week (possibly more ) walking holiday abroad, leaving next week. I feel really hurt he would miss visiting his first grandchild after she is born. Will mean friends, aunts etc see her before him. Am I being selfish? Pregnancy hormones all over the place do finding it hard to get perspective.

OP’s posts: |
Turtleturtle81 Sun 13-Sep-20 08:13:30

I think you are to be honest, yes. At first I thought you mistyped and meant that the dad of the child was going on holiday!

saiditbetterthanme Sun 13-Sep-20 08:30:56

I get why you would be feeling emotional about that op! It's a special time but I quickly realised that not everyone likes the newborn/baby stage so may not be as interested as you hope anyway. My dm had plans the day my first was born and didn't visit for a couple of days after. She is much more hands on now he is almost 3.
My df told me in the car at 38 weeks that he was moving 300 miles away to live with the woman he had an affair with. I was devastated and thought I was going to have the baby there and then, I was so shocked.
Just focus on that new little life you are about to bring into the world. Everything else really won't matter. Good luck flowers

wannabebump Sun 13-Sep-20 08:32:29

Not sure you're being unreasonable as I'd be really cheesed off if this was my Dad. It depends how close you are though I guess!

Ughmaybenot Sun 13-Sep-20 08:37:41

I think it’s a bit of a dick move but I’d try not to dwell. You can’t control what anyone else does, as much as their decisions are stupid 🙃

AudHvamm Sun 13-Sep-20 08:37:55

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel hurt. Depending on where he is going he may also have to isolate for 14 days on return and it is a significant period of time. However, I think you need to keep in perspective that other people still have to live their lives and that he will be going through his own process about becoming a grandparent!

My DP’s parents have just told us they’ve booked a holiday shortly after our due date and as they had offered to dog-sit for us we have had to scrabble for a back up in case baby is late. DP feels hurt as he was expecting they would want to be around and now they may not meet baby until they return. I’m also 38 weeks pregnant and we are in the limbo phase of waiting to see when baby will arrive. I do want to have loved ones around, but I don’t expect them to keep their calendars completely free so I can see it from PIL’s side as well. Having said that, my parents both live hours away so wasn't expecting them to be meeting baby immediately, and I am lucky to have siblings and plenty of local friends and know there will be someone around to help if and when we need it (I have asked in advance what people are willing/able to offer).

As I say, not unreasonable to feel hurt; you’re about to undergo a huge transition and it’s understandable you want your family around during that time. Tell your dad how you feel, but don’t expect him to change his plans and he may get defensive.

You mentioned other family, can you speak to some of them about how you’re feeling?

FippertyGibbett Sun 13-Sep-20 08:40:58

No, I understand your feelings but that’s his decision.
Good luck and enjoy your baby, don’t worry about others.

biscuit13 Sun 13-Sep-20 08:43:15

@Portionsforfoxes I have to disagree with the other posters, I would feel hurt if after the whole pregnancy my dad wanted to go on holidiay over when the baby was due! I would feel like he doesnt care!
With that said I wouldnt stop him going, I would express my disappointment that he's going to miss seeing baby for a few weeks and hope that he might postpone his trip until a bit later sad

Margo34 Sun 13-Sep-20 08:46:08

Yes because it's his life and you can't insist or dictate on what he does with his time because of your life choices.

I'm also 38w pregnant and my parents havre just gone on holiday for 3 weeks (plus then 2 weeks quarantine on return). I'd never dream of telling them or asking them not to go because it's their choice and their life! Also it gives me a few weeks to settle into life with a newborn before visitors. Bonus.

Margo34 Sun 13-Sep-20 08:50:45

I forgot to add - you might be upset (that's understandable, not selfish) but he might think he's doing a favour by giving you space to find your parenting feet and be a family yourself before he visits. He might not know how you feel if you haven't told him either, but it would be selfish if you insisted he didn't go.

(I'm also a FTM and this will be first GC too).

mummy2myJJ Sun 13-Sep-20 09:42:51

Id feel the exact same as you OP, it's such a special time so I can't understand how such a close family member is happy to miss out. But you have to think he is the one missing out, he will never get this time back and a baby's first few weeks are such a precious time and they fly by! Try to just focus on you and baby and take lots of photos to show your Dad when he's back😘 x

BewilderedDoughnut Sun 13-Sep-20 09:55:39

The is great parenting lesson entitled ‘not everyone else will be that bothered about your baby’.

Kiki275 Sun 13-Sep-20 10:05:40

It's his loss and probably won't affect you as much as you think if you have an otherwise good support network. The first weeks are a blur.x

User3627290 Sun 13-Sep-20 10:23:59

I would be upset too. It’s ultimately his loss and his choice, but I’d be hurt.

thetangleteaser Sun 13-Sep-20 10:31:46

My mum and dad booked a 3 weeks holiday, 2 weeks after I was due, I was sad initially but they both work so hard and it’s the only time of the year they can go away so I didn’t begrudge them it at all. My son was born late but they did get to just meet him before they went, I sent them picture updates and they were back in no time!

ivfbeenbusy Sun 13-Sep-20 10:43:59

It's not like he's going to be there for the birth and very unlikely able to visit in hospital so I think you're over reacting a bit

Babies ARE inherently boring in the first few weeks to everyone but their parents - I don't think he should put his life on hold to coo over a newborn for an hour or two

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