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I got told I couldn’t have a baby and I’m now pregnant, but I’m 21. Wwyd?

(25 Posts)
Laurenjoy1 Fri 14-Aug-20 16:28:03

I’m 21 years old, been in a relationship for 2 years and l live with my mother. I haven’t had periods for almost five years but four weeks ago I got told I don’t ovulate so I would need help in conceiving a baby. Yesterday I found out that I am pregnant. In fear, my first reaction was to have a termination. I feel as though I haven’t experienced things that I know would be difficult with a child but all my life I have been excited to become a mother and I worry that I won’t be able to get pregnant again after this because of my ovulation issues. My boyfriend would preferably keep the baby but he has said he would support me regardless and thinks it’s ultimately my decision.
I currently work as a supply teacher assistant which can vary between £130-£240 a week and my boyfriend earns £350+. I know this is not a lot of money to be bringing up a child with but I do have £120,000+ in a savings from inheritance.
I am on the fence about what I think is best for me right now because I still feel like I want to be young with no worries but I also don’t want any ‘what ifs’ and regrets. What if this is my only chance? What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
Chl00 Fri 14-Aug-20 16:31:23

I’m 20 and 29 weeks pregnant, I would personally keep it but obviously everyone’s different.. if it’s what you want you’ll make it work

Itsjustabitofbanter Fri 14-Aug-20 16:32:53

No one can answer this question for you. You’re obviously able to conceive naturally, and even if you don’t again, there’s plenty of help out there so it’s not going to be your only chance

Frenchfancy Fri 14-Aug-20 16:35:32

No one can answer for you and there there is no right answer.

But if it were me I would treat this as possibly my only chance to be a mother and make my decision accordingly.

kirinm Fri 14-Aug-20 16:38:00

So much can change from the age of 21 to 40+ (the time in which you have to have a baby). I certainly wouldn't be treating this as your only chance. What condition were you diagnosed with because obviously you are ovulating.

RosieJess91 Fri 14-Aug-20 16:38:07

Just reading what you've said I can tell that you will regret it if you terminate. Especially with the uncertainty of whether you'll fall pregnant naturally in the future.
I understand that you might miss out on things, etc, but you're very young and therefore once this child's 18, you'll still be young enough to go out and enjoy yourself.
I'll be honest, I'm 29 and I don't really remember anything being exciting when I was your age, the first really exciting thing I remember is finding out I was pregnant with my son at 24.
My step daughter is your age and she has a 1 year old who she adores, he was planned, and she still has a life. Her and her boyfriend own their own home, still go out on date nights and have time to themselves. You will find ways to work things out.
Good luck with whatever you decide 💗

Time40 Fri 14-Aug-20 16:38:21

In your position, I'd have the baby. You have enough money to support a child. Your boyfriend wants the baby. You want children at some point. You have possible fertility issues, so as you say, who knows how easy it will be to become pregnant again.

CaptainMyCaptain Fri 14-Aug-20 16:39:35

Frenchfancy

No one can answer for you and there there is no right answer.

But if it were me I would treat this as possibly my only chance to be a mother and make my decision accordingly.

So would I.

Laurenjoy1 Fri 14-Aug-20 16:44:12

They haven’t been able to investigate further as it was only a month ago I got told this. I have all the symptoms of PCOS but I got tested 2 years ago and it came back negative.

OP’s posts: |
kirinm Fri 14-Aug-20 16:50:34

Having PCOS doesn't mean you won't ever be able to have children. I was diagnosed with PCOS and then was later told it had gone away. I have no idea if it can come and go on it's own but I have 2 children.

Lollol86 Fri 14-Aug-20 18:36:20

@Laurenjoy1 this happened to my sister at she kept the baby as she said she may never get the chance to have another child. She was training to be a nurse at the time and put that all on hold. My niece is now 10 and my sister had gained to be a nurse again.
A baby doesn't stop you loving your life just puts it on hold for a little while.
I would personally keep the baby, however this needs to be your decision.

TenThousandSpoons0 Fri 14-Aug-20 20:33:40

I know this wasn’t your question - but no periods for 5 years can be for a number of reasons, some of them might mean it’s very difficult to conceive naturally, and some of them not so much. Can you go back to the same doctor to talk things through?
Another important question - did you have a pregnancy test any time in the last several months, before this positive one? Hopefully the doctor did one for you before telling you you can’t conceive - but if not, there’s no way to know how pregnant you are other than a scan. So - perhaps make a doctor’s appointment, organise a scan and see how far along you are while you are thinking about your plans - because things might be different if you find you’re past 20 weeks for example?

Laurenjoy1 Fri 14-Aug-20 21:16:27

I took a test about 2 months ago that was negative. I also had my bloods done a month ago and nothing was detected. In my bloods they found out that I don’t ovulate and I have high testosterone levels. I got told that if I wanted to try for a baby I should book an appointment with the gynaecologist. If I’ve worked it out correctly I conceived two days after having my bloods taken.

OP’s posts: |
helpfulperson Fri 14-Aug-20 21:19:06

Honestly I would go with the flow and have the baby. Life never follows the path you expect.

Gin4thewin Fri 14-Aug-20 21:20:55

I was pregnant with my son at 21 and had him 5 days after i turned 22. Our income was low, but we managed it. We had our 2nd just after i turned 28. Yes i did things differently this time and i was much more mature but we dont regret having our son when we did. Hes a lovely little lad now.

LexiM Sat 15-Aug-20 10:01:19

I personally would probably have the baby. Whilst because you got pregnant this time you may be able to have another, there are obviously some issues there and you may want to consider how you would feel if this was your only chance.

I would also go back to the doctor and tell them your pregnant and see if they can do some further investigation on what they originally found now things have changed. It could help with your decision.

DressingGown87 Sat 15-Aug-20 11:13:18

I got told in 2015, I could couldn’t conceive and wasn’t eligible for IVF. This was after a late mc and 6 early mc. 5 years of TTC. It took a while to accept, broke my relationship, but I got use to it. I’m currently 30weeks pregnant, how I don’t know, the consultant doesn’t know, and I was refer to a specialist clinic and they’ve said it was a very slim chance, and it’s happened. I’m not even with the F, and he’s opted to have nothing to do with the baby. This is not the circumstanceS I wanted to have a child, I’ve had a tough 18months personally, I had just started living my life again and doing all the things I wanted to do when I was younger, I’m single and it’s going to be hard. BUT I’ve taken this as this is my chance to me a mum, something I have longed for, and I can do this. This might be my only chance.

I’m 32 so your quite a lot younger than me. But I was early 20s when I started my journey. Plenty of people have a child young, (my friend was 17) you have a good amount of savings to secure a home, and a supportive boyfriend. You may still be able to enjoy the things your craving and wanting to experience. You may experience a lot more, as you’ll have a child to share and make memories with. You may still have options to have a child at a later date, but if you can’t or struggle, would you regret your decision now.

Laurenjoy1 Wed 26-Aug-20 00:18:05

Update: I decided to keep the baby. I’m 6 weeks and really looking forward to have my own family. Thanks everyone

OP’s posts: |
DrEllie Wed 26-Aug-20 00:24:28

Very best of luck! I had an unplanned pregnancy. She is now 18 and wouldn't change a thing.

Eekay Wed 26-Aug-20 00:26:49

Congratulations flowers

Iggypoppie Wed 26-Aug-20 00:29:39

Congratulations flowers

pumpkinpie01 Wed 26-Aug-20 00:55:25

I think that's the right decision- congratulations x

Gerdticker Wed 26-Aug-20 08:58:03

@Laurenjoy1

Lovely news - it’s hard making these massive life decisions but you’ve handled it with great maturity. Happy for you x

BabyG123 Wed 26-Aug-20 09:07:02

@Laurenjoy1 congrats. Couldn't read and run. Your partner sounds very supportive.

You'll be 39 when baby is 18 do what you wanted to do then.

TJ17 Wed 26-Aug-20 09:10:56

@Laurenjoy1 just seen your update.

Lovely news - congratulations!

My comment to your original post was going to be:
I know it seems scary but please try not to worry about things you won't get to do if you keep the baby as babies aren't babies forever! Plenty of time to still do all you plan to do in life.
Personally I think the earlier you have children the earlier you can get your freedom back! But that's not to say you can't still do most stuff you want to do when you have children anyway 😊 anything is possible but for me my children are my greatest achievement in life right now anyway. It's so rewarding 🥰

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