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Miscarriage - Support

(9 Posts)
Annie1211 Wed 12-Aug-20 19:28:08

Hi everyone so my partner and I had a miscarriage.

Of course we are devastated,

It's not even been a week since we found out, I'm am tired all the time and can't stop crying. Emotions all over the place.

Is this normal?
Does it get better?

It's something you never hear about until it's something you are going through yourself. Totally opened my eyes.

OP’s posts: |
Sallyjo27 Wed 12-Aug-20 19:39:46

Hi @Annie1211 I am so very sorry for your loss, I can promise you that it’s completely normal. I think it’s something that you learn to live with rather than “move on” from as other so kindly told me.
I’ve had 3 miscarriages and each of them were completely horrific. My third (was this July) and to be honest it was the worst out of the 3. I’m feeling slightly better now but it does come in waves.
Tommy’s have a very good Facebook page that’s full of women who have had miscarriages too and I found talking to others who have miscarriages helped me. They also have midwives you Can email or call if your ever struggling or want to chat. Do you have any family close by you can talk to? Or any friends? Please feel free to pm me if you’d like to chat x

Annie1211 Wed 12-Aug-20 21:57:27

@Sallyjo27 Thankyou so much for replying and sorry I'm just getting this hence the late reply.

Sorry to read about your 3 miscarriages and Thankyou for the support.

I'm just so tired all the time prob cause I haven't been out the house since last week.

I get so emotional and keep blaming myself. It's just awful.

I have a two week doctor line so off work which is good. Just worried willl I ever be ready to go back 😭

OP’s posts: |
Sallyjo27 Thu 13-Aug-20 15:13:54

@Annie1211 the tiredness is unreal! I think it’s because of what’s happened physically. Also emotionally it is so overwhelming. I got really short of breath after mine too and was told it could have been because of the blood loss.
Only go back to work when you are ready. There’s no “right amount” of time Off. I did find that going to work helped me (I work in a primary school) all the other members of staff knew and were so supportive. I also found that at home I was obsessing over it and constantly googling so being in work took my mind off it too x

Daffodil21 Thu 13-Aug-20 15:22:35

I'm so sorry to read this. I had 2 weeks signed off work, and then got a further week signed off. I went back before the second note ran out but I was an absolute mess. The whole time I was off I spent on the sofa feeling really tired and shit. I think I cried every single day for at least month. I would suggest taking iron supplements as they may help.

Take each day as it comes, he kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. Good advice from the person above who said you won't get over it, but you will learn to live with it. And most importantly, don't blame yourself. Nothing you did caused this thanks

Lottie917 Thu 13-Aug-20 19:04:11

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everything you're feeling is completely normal, and I promise you it does get easier with time. I've had 2 mcs in the last 12 months and it's been a horrible time. The above poster describing it as coming in waves is a good way of explaining it.

Just know that it's not your fault and please don't blame yourself. I think it's natural to want to know why it happened but just know that it wasn't anything you did or didn't do.

Work may be a good distraction for you once you've had the 2 weeks, but just take it all as it comes and try not to worry about it. If you need more time, allow yourself to have it. I went back to work the day after it happened both times. I don't deal with grief very well and my way of dealing with things is to pretend it hasn't happened, which isn't really great as it caught up with me both times and hit me hard.

Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need x

Annie1211 Thu 13-Aug-20 19:53:58

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages.

I'm sorry to read you have all went through this.

Today I got up and went to the hairdressers, then went to see my mum and dad.

Tonight I was having dinner and now feel like I've hit a wall.

The tiredness comes in waves. It's horrible 😭

OP’s posts: |
Gerdticker Thu 13-Aug-20 20:33:34

I’m so sorry @Annie1211

Mine was fairly early at 8 weeks and it still took a lot out of me - I think I became quite anaemic. So maybe watch out for that if you feel very tired; you can always add some iron supplement or multi-vits with iron to top you up.

It took me a few weeks before I felt ‘normal’ physically, but the emotional pain is harder to work through. I loved listening to other people’s stories where I could find them (podcasts mainly) to know that I am not alone.

I eventually conceived again 7 months later.

Sending you positivity and hugs x

StephyRose Thu 13-Aug-20 21:20:39

Hi OP, I am so sorry to read of your sad news.flowers

We miscarried in November last year and although my partner and both our families were amazing, I was so sad for a long time. I had two weeks off after I had the ERPC and after partner would leave for work I would lay in bed most of the day, listening to sad songs and crying.

And then one day when I was driving along, must've been one day in December, I caught myself singing along to a song I liked, quite carefree-ly. That's not to say I didn't have bad days after that, of course I did but from that I could sense that things would eventually get better and I wouldn't always feel so low.

Take some small comfort in the fact that you are over the worst, it may not feel like it but it can only get better from here. 💗

Be kind to yourself. You lost something that was so important to you both so allow yourself to grieve that loss.

We concieved again in the Feb and are now nearly 30 weeks.

Better days will come again. Wishing you all the best and love. Xx

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