Need someone to talk to 😞

[Mummab123456]

Hi ladies, would just like to start by saying i really do appreciate any advice anyone can give and hopefully i’m not loosing my mind and many women feel this way during pregnancy.

Firstly, i have always suffered anxiety and i’m a massive over thinker! I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and genuinely feel like i’m loosing the plot. I’ve spoken to my GP who has referred me for counciling so just awaiting that. I have so many emotions about been pregnant, i’m happy but also i can’t stand the fact that i’m not in control of my body, i hate feeling the baby kick as it freaks me out and i know i should love this part but i honestly feel so freaked by it all. This is my second and i can’t remember feeling like this before. I also feel so guilty on my first born and scared to death of her feeling left out or though i don’t have time for her anymore. I lay awake every night all night and have constant panic attacks as i know nobody is awake and feel even more alone and i know i can’t just call someone if i need to. I can’t really speak to anyone in my family as i find it hard to explain to people. I’ve found my self constantly counting down the days till i’m due and every day dredding night time as i know what’s coming. I’m sorry if i’ve not made me much sense i just really needed to speak to someone about this as i genuinely have never felt so down, alone and scared like this before 😖

[binkyblinky]

Oh hun. Please don't feel alone or worried. I felt the same with my second pregnancy but once he was here (20 month gap) it felt complete! Your heart will grow with more room for love xxx

[Mummab123456]

Thank you so much for your reply. I just can’t switch off. my mind is constantly thinking a million things and i literally feel suffocated in my own body. I really have never felt this way and don’t think anything will help until this baby is out ☹️ every night i just lay crying thinking it will be over soon but i really can’t take this feeling anymore! I even wanted to beg hospital to induce me early to just to try get rid of this feeling, obviously i know this can’t happen 😞

[lockdownpregnancy]

Oh dear OP! In some ways I really do feel your pain! I'm a FTM but I have anxiety and my first trimester I was a mess and these feelings are starting to creep back in (currently 31 weeks) as I know I'm getting closer to my due date.
I know it sounds daft but can you not speak with one of your nearest and dearest and see if they are available to speak to you anytime in the night and they can keep their phone on for you?
I'd do this with my bestie or family if they needed me to, as panic attacks are the worst, especially when one wakes you up and loosing your shit even before you realise what's happening to you!
What about your partner? Is he/she not around in the night when you have these attacks.
Sometimes just having someone there to help you through the attack helps.
There are also helplines which are 24/7 so if you're really struggling they will always be on the other end of the phone regardless of the time of day or night.
I hope you start to turn a corner soon, but I would say don't rely on the NHS counselling. I was referred at 13 weeks and 18 weeks later I still haven't had a single phone call!

[Mummab123456]

Thank you for your reply! My mum always says to call her day or night no matter what time but she works so many hours so never dare ring her and disturb her sleep. Every single night i wake up to a panic attack. I dose off and wake to feeling really sick i can’t breathe can’t feel my legs amd my heart feels like it’s coming out my chest and it’s the most scariest feeling ever. And even more scarier threw the day as i know what’s coming ☹️ I’ve tried changing bed times etc to try sleep through nothing at all is working and i’m just so fed up. Me and partner are currently on a break as i feel he just can’t support me at the moment and he makes things worse unintentionally. What if i still feel like this after baby 🙁 what if i never feel myself again i can’t live like this honestly not even for 7 more week 😞😞😞

[binkyblinky]

OP you sound quite ill with anxiety. Can you call a midwife tomorrow, or self
Refer yourself to the mental health team, or get to the GP. Someone must help. Are you drinking enough water, you don't have a UTI do you? X

[Mummab123456]

Yes i’m going to make a few phone calls tomorrow as tonight’s been a massive wake up call and i know i really need help. I don’t let me daughter see this but she must pick up on it and that breaks my heart even more. She needs a mum who is strong and happy and i’m the complete opposite at the moment. I was checked a week ago and urine was clear so presuming not x

[Mummab123456]

“my” not “ me” sorry.

[binkyblinky]

Hope you had a better night and morning OP. Have you suffered with anxiety before? It could be hormones. And I know that UTI can send people a little bit off as well.
Don't feel guilty, you are busy enough growing an actual person and best friend for your daughter!

[lockdownpregnancy]

OP, your mom would be more mad at you for not calling her when you feel like you do and if you go too far down the rabbit hole (so to speak) she would never forgive herself for you feeling like you can't burden her because she works so much.
Don't EVER feel like a burden. This is one of the many feelings that pushes you backwards instead of forwards with your mental health.
My friend is currently suffering from severe post natal depression and I've told her that under no circumstances is she not to get in touch with either me or her mom (this would be when her DP is on night shifts) and to never feel like she can't.
You have already taken a massive step in posting on here so you should be proud of yourself for that.
I really hope you get the help you need and that you start to turn a corner! 💐💐💐

[binkyblinky]

You have lots of friends here! I wish we could give Facebook or numbers out. I hate to think of anyone feeling like this x

[Queenfreak]

It sounds like you have perinatal anxiety OP.
It's not your fault, and extra cruelly you cant control it.
Please contact your midwife and explain how you are feeling honestly. You can even print out what you have written here if that helps.
Your midwife can refer you to the perinatal mental health team, and they can help you through this.
You dont need to be alone.
Xxx

[Marlena1]

OP, I was super anxious on my second but not to this extent. Please contact your midwife. I was very bad with PND (I only really realise this now) and regret not getting help, xxx

[Mummab123456]

Thank you ladies for all your reply’s. I have tried to ring my midwife but she’s not answering so i’ve emailed her and hopefully she can get back to me as soon as. I’m going to call my mum soon and just be honest with everything i’m feeling as even just sharing this with MN has helped a bit. I didn’t sleep very well was up again and over thinking everything as usual. I’ve tried switching off but i just can’t, i don’t even know what i’m specifically worried about i just feel so out of control at the moment but i need help and hopefully will get this soon. I’m so scared of this carrying on to PND but i suppose i can’t think like that and just have to take one day at a time (even though each day feels like a week). Thank yous so much x

[binkyblinky]

Did you speak to anyone OP?

[Mummab123456]

@binkyblinky

Did you speak to anyone OP?

Sorry i completely forgot to update,my midwife wasn’t really that helpful tbh she sent me a few helpline numbers and said she will do a telephone appt next thursday 🙁
I don’t really know what i was expecting as i know nobody has a magic wand to make this go away but i just feel a bit unsupported and like noone result understands me which is the most isolating feeling.
I don’t really have anyone but my mum and i when i phoned her today she said she would call me back later as she was at work, and i’m presuming she forgot and is asleep which i understand as i didn’t explain to her how i was feeling id just asked if she was free to speak.
Just the couple of messages on here have helped a lot i just can’t wait for all this to be over. i just want to feel me again, i feel i’m in a deep deep rut that i just have no clue on how to get out. Everything in my life is affected at the moment, i can’t drive with the crippling anxiety as every time i get in the car i feel as though i could crash as i feel so sick and shaky, it can come on at any point and i feel physically disabled by it all 😔

[Sunbird24]

Hi OP, have you found any techniques at all that help? When I’ve been bad in the past there’s a couple of apps I’ve used, one is Headspace, the other is called RelaxMelodies - I still use the bedtime stories on that one when I can’t get to sleep because my brain is racing.
I hope you’re doing ok today and that you manage some sleep, tiredness makes everything feel worse doesn’t it?

[binkyblinky]

Op I'm trying to private message you but I can't work out how to do it

[Mummab123456]

I’m not sure how you private message binky? would be great to have someone to talk to though!

And i’ve always suffered anxiety sunbird and i’ve found little things help breathing etc but i just can’t seem to get this under control this time. And you hit the nail on the head! I’m so so tired 😞 I’m tired of feeling like this and obviously not sleeping at night is making it 100 times worse as it’s just 24/7...

I know you ladies don’t mind giving out advice but i even feel so guilty on yous. Complete strangers yet willing to go out of your way to try and make me feel better, honest thank yous so much

[lockdownpregnancy]

Never feel bad OP! Opening up to strangers sometimes makes you realise that there are so many people out there going through exactly the same as you, or can relate on some level.
Sleep deprivation makes anxiety soooooo much worse! My first trimester I was a mess and the lack of sleep was just gut wrenchingly painful, as I just cried so much because of how tired I was!
I'm very lucky that this didn't last very long for me, but in the time where I did have it, it was brutal.
Reach out to whoever you need to! Us strangers are sometimes the best as we don't know you so you can spill everything without it ever going back to anyone you know!
Just keep talking and try and nap where you can!
Big hugs OP ❤️❤️❤️

[Bl0ndi3]

My heart broke reading this 😢 maybe because I'm super emotional atm and also feeling alone, I hope you get a better sleep tonight and like a PP said you are never a burden to the people who truly care for you so open up to them they will support you and that could go a long way to helping you feel better x

@binkyblinky you can't do it (dm) via the app you have to do it via the actual mumsnet website xx

[binkyblinky]

Op, is your partner supportive?