Expecting Second Child - Unexpected Emotions!

[willowandsage]

Morning all,

Wondering if anyone else experienced mixed feelings when finding out they were pregnant with their second child?

I have a 2.5 year old daughter with my husband, who is an absolute delight and has always been really easy and a good sleeper from birth really, bar illness. I have no real concerns about having two children as opposed to one, if that makes sense? I appreciate the next one could be completely different!

Her birth was really traumatic for me, I was diagnosed with obstetric cholestasis and was induced at 38 weeks, induction took 5 days and she was back to back - ended with an EMCS as she got stuck and I lost 4.5 litres of blood and was in surgery for 4 hours whilst awake (they didn't put me to sleep as my blood pressure was really erratic) and then I had sepsis after. We ended up in hospital for just over a week after, as the hospital didn't administer antibiotics to my daughter as a precaution and they then lost some samples so added delays to us leaving as they had to be repeated and took 48 hours to come back.

I've had a debriefing, and thought I'd come to terms with it all. I'm a fairly calm person, and the midwife explained that the reason I bled was due to the drugs and a really long labour as my uterus just failed to contract afterwards (uterine atony I think?) so the chances of it happening again are slim.

But since I've found out I'm pregnant again I've had a really horrible sense of unease and uncertainty about having a second child and I'm not sure if this is normal nerves? It's not that I don't want a second child, I feel a bit disconnected I guess.

Can anyone share any experiences of their feelings when they found out they were pregnant again? I haven't had my first midwife appointment yet (I'm 6 weeks) and I will be mentioning to her when I see her. I'm also planning for a C section again. What was everyone's experiences with a planned C section? Are they calmer?

Thank you in advance - sorry, it's a bit of an essay!

[Beamur]

Goodness, I'm not surprised you're a bit wary - that's a corker of a first delivery. Take your midwives advice, it's highly unlikely that you will have the same experience.
My C-section wasn't planned, but I know someone who had a planned one for a 2nd baby and it was blissfully calm. No drama, no complications.

[willowandsage]

@Beamur thanks so much for taking the time to reply!

I think I'll feel calmer once I see the midwife and the consultant. I've heard a few people say planned c sections are calmer which is putting me at ease (a bit!)

[Annabel28]

I became pregnant for the second time earlier this year (now 27 weeks). DS1 is 2 and like yours has been a delight, although is very energetic so can be tiring at times. I too had a traumatic labour for very different reasons (undiagnosed pre-eclampsia, then a precipitous 3 hour labour with no pain relief - contractions were back-to-back with no meaningful breaks, midwife was rude and unsupportive, forced to do it on back throughout and I began to dissociate and thought I was being raped several times). I've been through "birth afterthoughts" debrief but it was sadly unhelpful and I was later diagnosed with PTSD and started on medication which helped.

Although we wanted a second child if I'm completely honest when I found out (alone) I burst in to tears and began googling where to get an abortion. My feelings have been so complicated and conflicted. I've found pregnancy symptoms e.g. nausea so much harder to tolerate. Until very recently I felt no sense of "bonding" with the fetus and very little excitement. I also can't understand how I can love a second child with the same intensity that I love my first - people say it just happens but I'm frightened it won't.

What has helped me has been seeing a counsellor (who I was seeing before the pregnancy) as I've been able to talk through these mixed emotions and realise they are normal. I'm also under the local perinatal mental health service, although provision varies a bit depending on where you live. I'm due to be seen by a Consultant Midwife to plan this birth more. The hospital aren't keen for my to have an ELCS but at 20 weeks I had an obstetric appointment and they said they could organise this nearer the time if I want. I'm still undecided - would like to try a VB but not if it's anything like the last.

The positive news is that we decided to book a private 3D/4D scan this week and for the first time I felt so happy to see the second one's little face! So I am moving to a more positive mindset, but it's taken a while.

Sorry this is such a long response but just wanted to share that you're not alone in not feeling 100% thrilled by the prospect of a second.