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Pregnancy

Scared to tell my midwife how bad my depression is.

17 replies

Hannah987 · 06/07/2020 23:09

If anyone comments on this, please can I ask that if you have anything negative or judgemental to say then please do just not bother. I am writing this in hope that someone will be able to help me in some way or another.

I'm 33w, been under perinatal all pregnancy, I spent Sunday in hosp having panic attacks & a nervous breakdown. The mental health team came to see me and I have never felt so belittled and pathetic in my entire life after they spoke to me. Telling me I'm jusy "super hormonal" and having a "bad day". But the truth is I'm really not ok. I'm doing this on my own & have been since day 1. I'm seeing my midwife tomorrow for 34w apt, I'm not sure what she'll do or say or think when I tell her just how bad things are. The 2 men I saw at the hosp yesterday have really dented my faith and made me feel like I'm being dramatic and wasting time. I don't really know what I'm aiming for by writing this, I just have nowhere to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

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CoolNoMore · 06/07/2020 23:21

Hey, so sorry you're going through this. And what the hell is going on with the hormonal comments?! 'Just' hormonal?! Like it's something perfectly easy to cope with?!

I'm furious on your behalf. Definitely tell your midwife, GP, anyone that might be able to provide compassion and care. Was it a perinatal mental health team or general? You need someone with some experience of this situation, so I'm afraid my advice is to stay strong and persist until you're on someone's to-do list. There are at least two very effective medications that you can take perfectly safely in pregnancy, so there are options.

What the actual flip. Sending you love and support and a bit of frickin rage!

GreenTulips · 06/07/2020 23:24

My friend was in a similar situation and received a lot of support.

Unfortunately there’s little about due to Covid, but she might be able to offer some suggestions to help. Even a shoulder to cry on or a group session.

Scotinportugal · 06/07/2020 23:46

Hi op,

Didn't want to read your comment and run-but my advice would be similar to above, there WILL be people who care and about will give you the help and support that you need, start by telling your midwife and see where she directs you, it takes a strong person to tell someone how you feel.
And to those idiots in the hospital- I'll never understand how people can make these ridiculous flippant comments and not understand how it can make you feel! Absolutely awful, I'm fuming for you!
Please don't go through this alone-there is many lovely people on here that can help so far- but you need some support in real life too

Superscientist · 07/07/2020 08:47

Do you have a contact number for the perinatal team?
Definitely talk to either them or your midwife. I'm sorry the people you spoke to the other day weren't helpful. Keep trying until you are heard, I know it is difficult but you deserve to get the help you need.

EithneBlue · 07/07/2020 08:54

Whoever told you it was 'just a bad day' needs a hard slap. Maternal mental health is so important and you are NOT wasting anyone's time. Talk to your midwife or GP - support is there, and you absolutely should have that support. When you are feeling a little better I'd honestly consider making a complaint about the people who think it's OK to brush off mental health concerns - you deserve better care.
Good luck at your appointment tomorrow

Heyhih3 · 07/07/2020 08:57

Hi OP. Do you have any family support? How was your health before you got pregnant?

Cauterize · 07/07/2020 09:03

So you saw two clueless men who really have no idea about antenatal depression and they have successfully managed to make you feel worse than you already did. Idiots.

What is your midwife like? If supportive then I think you definitely need to tell her. Do you have any help or support in RL, friends/family who could advocate for you?

Hannah987 · 07/07/2020 09:12

@Cauterize

So you saw two clueless men who really have no idea about antenatal depression and they have successfully managed to make you feel worse than you already did. Idiots.

What is your midwife like? If supportive then I think you definitely need to tell her. Do you have any help or support in RL, friends/family who could advocate for you?

Pretty much yes. I've been under perinatal since the start of my pregnancy and they have been helpful with medication etc, it's just the last few weeks I've found myself struggling far more. My midwife is lovely however only part time & since perinatal don't work out of hours I found myself in such a rut.

Instead, I had two middle aged men sat in a room with me whilst I sat curled up in pieces on a bed telling me that I "will be able to cope at home" and that sometimes it's "easy" to let hormones "get the better" of me. I don't have any family as an only child and unfortunately both my parents passed away, lockdown meant I was made redundant and had to move to a new more affordable are where I don't know anyone.

Thank you everyone who's left comments on here for me. I know it's not IRL but I can't tell you how much it means to me, knowing that I'm not "just being hormonal".

OP posts:

JoyFreeCake · 07/07/2020 09:15

Psych liaison are generally cunts. Don't take it personally; it's not you, it's them. You need and deserve help.

MrsCl19 · 07/07/2020 09:25

Oh op this is awful!

After I had dd I suffered with pnd/pna and it made me really sick, I got through it but it was hard!

I'm now 24w with #2 and I've started getting anxiety about the same happening and the comments I've had from midwives and family and friends is "it'll be different this time as you know what to expect" which doesn't help when your scared.

There is a charity called PANDAS I would recommend reaching out to them

Starburst12 · 07/07/2020 09:31

@Hannah987 I’m so sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital. Those two men were totally wrong to dismiss you like that. MH is incredibly important and its so frustrating when people don’t recognise that it’s an illness rather than “just a bad day”.
Your midwife will understand a lot more about maternal MH, definitely speak to her even if it’s just to clear what’s going through your mind. Since you’re in a new area and don’t know anyone, you might find some comfort in speaking to her as she will be a familiar face.
You’re definitely not alone in this, hopefully your MW will point you in the direction of some more help xx

Cauterize · 07/07/2020 10:14

You poor thing, I'm so sorry you're going through this on your own. Those idiots are not fit to do the job, makes me so cross.

I'm not sure what to suggest in terms of help, but is there a contact in the perinatal team you could speak to?

NameHangec8171ns · 07/07/2020 10:32

Definetly reach out. I wish i had. I suffered PND with my 2nd and really regret not seeking support for it. I barely remember the first year of his life, where as I can remember everything about my first born. I hold a lot of guilt about the first year of my 2nd babys life.

Definetly do reach out and seek support, your midwife will be more than happy to help x

Footlooseandfancy · 07/07/2020 12:03

Absolutely speak to your midwife and get more support.

I'm sorry you were treated so poorly by the other team - hopefully your midwife/perinatal team should be able to help more.

Scotinportugal · 07/07/2020 12:20

Just another thought OP, since you've moved to a new area maybe there's a Facebook group for pregnant women in your town? We are always here to support you and just generally rant about those absolute arseholes at the hospital-but it would be great if you could meet some other preggies too in RL
I know lockdown making it difficult at the moment, but a thought for the future months

MuchTooTired · 07/07/2020 12:30

Definitely tell your midwife, your GP, anyone you can, and keep talking to anyone you can.

I felt so ashamed of not loving pregnancy that after I’d tried to seek help and fell through the cracks I didn’t bother again and suffered on in silence. I developed pnd when the babies were born; was told because I wasn’t suicidal and coping well with my DTs that there was no help and eventually sought help from my gp when they were 8 months once I had planned out Where I’d go and what would happen when SS threatened to take my babies away if I didn’t leave them.

Sounds mad looking back, but the shame and fear was so real to me. I’m so sorry those two dicks tried to write you off as hormonal. You’re not being dramatic, pregnancy can be a massive head fuck and you deserve support.

Wishing you all the best 💐

SinkGirl · 08/07/2020 09:53

Please please talk to your midwife, and ask them to help you reach out to the perinatal mental health team urgently for more support. The entire issue is that the hormones related to pregnancy exacerbate mental health issues for many (or in some cases trigger MH issues where there were none) so saying it’s “just hormones” is completely missing the point! Please don’t be discouraged by these clueless idiots and please do make a complaint when you feel up to it

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