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To find out gender at 20 week scan?

(15 Posts)
Pukeymama Tue 30-Jun-20 21:41:06

With my first DS I wasn't even tempted to find out the gender before birth, but 20 week scan coming up next week with DC2 and I am so so tempted this time!! But I just think there is a bit of magic about not knowing until all the hard work is done.

Has anyone found out for one and not another and found either way preferable?

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Zogthebiggestdragon Tue 30-Jun-20 21:48:24

I hadn't even considered finding out the first time, we wanted a surprise. But second time around it made it easier being able to talk to the older child about it being a sister coming rather than 'a baby'. In fact my older daughter was at my 20 week scan so she found out before my husband!

liveli Tue 30-Jun-20 22:01:41

This is our first husband really wanted to find out, but I wanted a surprise. We negotiated to keep this one a surprise and find out when we have our second.

Not going to lie, when I went for my 20 week scan I was tempted but I held in and didn't give in to temptation. I'm glad that we didn't find out.

It's up to you and your partner at the end of the day. If it's something that you want to do then go for it. Either way you'll love your child no matter what.

Viletta Tue 30-Jun-20 22:06:15

We always wanted to find out ASAP, didn't have a preference on boy or girl but it's so much easier buying things, thinking of names and bonding with the baby when you know the gender. It's same lovely surprise but earlier.

Pukeymama Tue 30-Jun-20 22:06:38

@zogthebiggestdragon, what a lovely way to include your DD! Bet she felt so special being part of an experience like that.

@Liveli my DH wanted to know with the first too but reluctantly went along with it being a surprise, this time around he's more inclined to wait again as actually liked it being a surprise in the end.

I have no idea why I feel so different about it this time, even if we do find out I'd like to keep it a secret from everyone else but not sure I can trust DH not to spill the beans!

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Charis1503 Tue 30-Jun-20 22:18:11

I'm due in 5 weeks. We found out both times but I know several people who had a suprise 1st time and opted to find out with baby2.

Knowing means you can help your older child adapt and understand. (Although I'm sure siblings are fine either way). My son is having a lovely time choosing toys and clothes for his new brother.

I've snapped up some bargains which are very gender specific which I couldn't have done without knowing. His nursery is gorgeous and much like my oldest son's will last him years (i.e isn't babyish and neutral colours)

If it was a girl I would be bagging up boys stuff to sell whilst looking for girl replacements.

I like to be prepared and when it's ya first you can kinda wing it ( who cares if they wear lemon yellow till they are 6 months?!) But with a toddler in the mix... I'd certainly not be wanting to think about purchasing a whole new wardrobe at 12 weeks when they grew out all the bland newborn stuff.

Absolutely no right or wrong here. Personally I think it's a wonderful suprise whenever you find out.

I don't recall a woman ever in history looking back at her childbirth and thinking 'oh it would have been a bit more special if I hadn't known the gender'. You will be delighted and overjoyed when you give birth regardless to wether you knew the sex beforehand.

Good luck! X

UsernameNotValid Tue 30-Jun-20 22:36:20

If you are able to find out in your area or you can afford to get a sexing scan and you want to find out then there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't!

I had no inclination to find out with #1 so didn't bother but with #2 I dithered then decided I'd rather save my money as our trust doesn't tell you the sex even if you ask. For me personally I'm glad I didn't as DH was the first person to introduce our son/daughter to me which we both love, plus we took bets and I guessed right both times - might as well make some money off my instincts 🤣

Lots of people seem to worry about being organised etc but we managed just fine - I'm not one for pink or blue specifically so I bought lots of interesting, bright sleepsuits and baby stuff which I would've gotten any way. "Neutral" doesn't have to mean plain/bland or boring - there's a whole colour spectrum out there! Same with toys, they play with anything so again it really didn't matter to us whether DD played with DS' old train set or his old dolls pram.l everything that could be was reused.

Mmmmycorona Tue 30-Jun-20 22:42:13

Exactly the same as you. Never even an option to find out first time. Have my 20 week scan next week for my second and the temptation is much greater. But I’m not going to find out.
Nothing beats finding out once you’ve given birth. I think I’m having a girl though.

Pukeymama Wed 01-Jul-20 11:17:56

Thanks for all the replies, it's lush hearing everyone's points of view. I can't believe I'm saying this (only because I was so adamant I wouldn't) but we are going to find out but keep it to ourselves. My initial need to find out was because, if I'm truly honest, I was worried I was going to have a bit of gender disappointment. But now I am truly excited for it to go either way!

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WutheringShites86 Wed 01-Jul-20 11:27:43

It's worth remembering that you're not guaranteed to find out at the 20 week scan. Some hospitals don't tell you and in my case baby was uncooperative so they couldn't tell us with any certainty!

Pukeymama Wed 01-Jul-20 12:57:45

@wutheringshites86 good point. I know for a fact my hospital does say though, but if it can't be seen for any reason then it wasn't meant to be. I'll leave that choice up to baby! 😁

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Soubriquet Wed 01-Jul-20 13:02:35

I would purely for your dd.

That way if she would rather have a sister than a brother, she has time to get over her disappointment and be excited about having a brother

Soubriquet Wed 01-Jul-20 13:02:55

Sorry ds

Same principle

Kodiak83 Wed 01-Jul-20 13:52:45

I didn’t find out with either of mine and really enjoyed the guessing and the wondering! It was such a wonderful surprise as well both times (one of each). It’s just seems like the best surprise life can give you, why take it away ?! But that’s my opinion, I totally get needing to be organised and just wanting to know too 😊 Don’t get me wrong, I was looking both times for clues but it just added to the excitement. This time round I’ll be doing the same, don’t want to cheat myself out of one final surprise. Obviously I have both genders of baby stuff too so that isn’t an issue and kids are excited to guess.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Wed 01-Jul-20 14:01:13

I am way too impatient to wait! We found out with DD1 and know that I’m pregnant with DD2. DD1(6) is very pleased she knows she’s having a sister. That’s what she wanted and claimed she already knew! We spent a lot of time saying it could be a boy or a girl and having a sibling would be great no matter whether they were male or female. If we’d been expecting a boy, I would have wanted to tell her so she could get her head around it.

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