Fear of death

[Cherryrainbow]

Sorry for the morbid topic, trigger warnings potential so I understand if people don't want to read further or reply.

Back in December by cousins wife sadly lost their 2nd baby in a homebirth. The whole family was in shock. When I found out I was pregnant as early as february i decided to keep things quiet until the 12 week scan before telling wider family, but me and OH told our parents and my team leader at work in case anything happened we would have some form of support (I do have a history of anxiety and depression).

Scans so far have all been fine. I'm coming up to 27 weeks pregnant this Friday. The further things have gotten along and I get closer to the September due date I'm finding myself unable to sleep and feeling terror about the idea of dying in labour and leaving my son without a mum, or how we would cope if I lost the baby, or what if something happens to me and the baby. I've seen stories in the news about mum's and babies dying due to corona. I'm getting so scared but with the way corona is affecting how we see midwives etc I don't know who I should talk to or if I should talk to someone about this? In some ways I think they're just going to brush it off and make me feel silly. I don't know how normal this year is.

I have my next midwife appointment in 2 weeks time. Should I talk to her about my fears? X

[Sazzy312]

Hey, didnt want to read and run so just wanted to say your not alone in feeling this way, after the experience of your cousin wife its bound to play on your mind, yes I'd mention it to the midwife, I always think its better to talk about feelings and issues so you can get a better grip on them x all the best

[perfumeistooexpensive]

Yes you must tell your midwife. If it's impacting your life badly, ring today. It's totally understandable. I felt the same way many years ago. My neighbour had what was thought to be SIDS just before I was due. It turned out to be a medical condition that nothing could be done about but I was convinced I would lose my baby. She didn't cry when she was born, but when she did, I was surprised because I had had such morbid thoughts. With my subsequent pregnancies I never had these thoughts at all.

[Twizbe]

Please tell your midwife, you can contact them at any point in your pregnancy. You can either contact the community team or the labour ward. There is a lot of support out there for maternal mental health and they can and will help you

[apric0t]

I would suggest looking into hypnobirthing, I had big phobias surrounding giving birth and was terrified of dying. Hypnobirthing really helped me, I practiced relaxation techniques every evening leading up to the birth and in the end had a super calm labour and birth, pushing lasted less than an hour it was great.

For me the most important takeaway from hypnobirthing is your body can't produce adrenaline and oxytocin at the same time. You need oxytocin to have your uterus contract effectively, so the calmer you can stay during labour the easier your birth should be. For me it really worked wonders and I'm really looking forward to future labours.

I did the Positive Birth Company online course. Put all my dear to rest.

[Sunsage]

As others have said, please please speak to your midwife. I suffer from anxiety and a tell tale sign for me when the anxiety getting bad is that I can't stop thinking about death and dying, those horrible intrusive thoughts. Pregnancy is so rough on us mentally physically and emotionally, so please do talk it over with your midwife, even sooner than your next appointment.

Hopefully they will be able to refer you to the perinatal mental health team.

All the best