Due on 19/21 December - should I have in-laws for Christmas(11 Posts)
I'm due on 19/21 December with DC2 and my in-laws would like to come for Christmas from overseas.
I'm not sure as if I give birth mid December it might be fine but if I leave hospital on say 24 December I'm not sure I fancy a home full of people, especially as I don't know how I'll be feeling. On the other hand, I have no family to help with my toddler if I go into labour from 24-30 December (and friends will be away too) so if my in-laws are over it might be helpful. We live in a flat so don't have a great deal of space for lots of people here.
Any comments/advice especially if you've been in a similar position would be helpful!
Go for having them.
It's for a short period only, Christmas goodwill spirits and all that.
You could find you're exceedingly happy to have someone else around to share the chores and possible childcare.
Even if it isn't the most successful arrangment, the end will be in sight.
Depending of course on your husband beeing happy to have them
Do you have a B&B near by?? You could have them come over, but stay in a B&B because you dont have space, that way you'll get the benefit of their company help etc, and you'll get a break from them when they go.
I am due 27th and am in a simular situation. We are thinking of renting a holiday cottage for them to stay in and also we have a 1 year old so the help looking after her when I go into labour is going to be brilliant.
I think go for it - either way it will be a memorable christmas!
(you could always have a really good clear out of your flat before they arrive to maximise space? And/or buy lots of cool storage stuff from The Holding Company!)
Putting them in a b&b sounds like a good idea to me. I think it depends how much you like them!
We already thought of putting them in a hotel but then if I go into labour in the night they will need to come round in the middle of the night. But this might be preferable to my last labour where I woke up for 5 nights with on and off pains where I'd feel I'd have to creep around so as not to wake them up. To be honest it would be the same if it was my parents and I'm not sure I'd want them here as we only have 2 bedrooms and you start to feel hemmed in. The other thing is my m-i-l is a real perfectionist and if I come out of hospital a day before xmas she would plan to cook something elaborate and want the table beautifully decorated etc when I might just want simplicity and peace and quiet! Maybe the hotel is starting to look a better option ....
Personally I'd find it claustrophobic having guests in my home so soon after a birth - or in the run up if you go late. Hotel definitely; they won't mind, surely, waking up in the night if needs be to help you out. But set lots of boundaries; you'll certainly need help, but also your space.
Definitely have them stay nearby nto actually with you. You could still then have them over to stay with you for the odd night, but only if and when you chose it. It might be better for them too so that they can actually get some sleep (and then be more use to you during the day!) Also, in our house, whenever one of our parents is staying, it seems to subtly change the dynamic between dh and I too, and frankly, that would be the last thing that I would need at that time. I think you have to put yourselves first and this is one time when most people would understand that.
IMO- only have them stay if they are (a) exceptionally helpful and (b) you are close to them. I have just had my first baby and for the first 2 weeks have had only my mum and DH around. People with whom i can be myself around (including hormonal - tears etc)and people who i can ask to do stuff without minding my p's and q's so that I got plenty of rest. I have not lifted a finger since I have been home TBH. I couldnt have done that with my MIL - as lovely as she is.
My MIL came to stay on the weekend nearest to my due date. She's disabled so wasn't able to help with housework etc, but it was nice to know there was another adult in the house if anything happened.
And sure enough I went in to labour and into hospital on the Saturday night. Ds was able to stay asleep while dh took me to hospital.
In the morning, MIL took ds to my parents (50 mins drive away and closer to the hospital) and waited to hear the news.
It was such a relief knowing ds was in his own bed and undisturbed rather than being whisked out of bed and passed on to a friend or thrown in the car to be passed on to my parents in the middle of the night.
It was weird being in labour in front of my MIL - she wasn't much help and just kept saying "ooooh poor you", but I'm grateful she was there for ds.
Thanks for your comments - very useful.
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