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Sad about 12 week scan

(35 Posts)
newmumtobe66 Tue 02-Jun-20 18:46:00

I am feeling upset my partner can’t come with me to the scan. I feel bad feeling like this with all the terrible deaths from the pandemic and I do understand why but makes me feel sad knowing we can’t have see the scan together. How did others deal with it? Thank you

OP’s posts: |
RestorationInsanity Tue 02-Jun-20 18:58:26

I wished he could have been there, but actually it was fine, and he loved seeing the pictures. Although it's wonderful to see baby, it is mainly a medical procedure so a lot of measuring, trying to get different angles, and wiggling to get baby to move position if they're being awkward!

I'm not being unfeeling, DH and I have four years of infertility behind us, so it would have been lovely to experience everything as part of our surprise miracle baby, but actually it's a very woman focused experience, everyone was very nice and supportive and in the end, I don't think it made as much difference as I thought it would.

MinesALatte Tue 02-Jun-20 19:00:21

This has been on my mind, I’ve just found out I’m 4 weeks and not expecting rules to change any time soon. Are private scans accepting partners? If so I’m thinking of booking in at 10 weeks so we can at least see that for the first time together

Mucklowe Tue 02-Jun-20 19:33:28

Honestly, you just have to deal with it.

Wheresthebiffer2 Tue 02-Jun-20 19:35:06

You don't have to have this scan.

Pikachubaby Tue 02-Jun-20 19:37:20

I had this scan on my own

Not a big deal

It was fine

duckling3 Tue 02-Jun-20 19:46:51

I did the nhs scans by myself , but booked a private one in between which my partner was able to come to. I'd definately look into it if it's an option for you. It was one of my favourite moments watching my OHs face seeing our baby wiggle for the first time.

MrsWhy Tue 02-Jun-20 19:51:23

I think they are allowing you to take videos now or ask if you can video call during the scan.
I understand it's upsetting my husband hasn't allowed to any appointments since I was 24 weeks but hopefully this will improve as your pregnancy progresses 💕

lc86 Tue 02-Jun-20 19:53:10

Aww I know what you mean. Had our dating scan today and it was amazing how the baby looks now and to watch he/she wriggling about ☺️.. I am booking a private gender scan for Father's Day for dp so he gets to experience it too. The sonographer today was amazing though and gave me lots of photos to show dp.. you'll be fine, and in a way was quite nice just being me in there, meant I could really focus xx

Elouera Tue 02-Jun-20 19:57:39

You could always pay for a private scan at say 10 weeks so he could go along?

xxxemzyxxx Tue 02-Jun-20 20:03:42

I had my first scan the week we went into lockdown, and we were lucky enough that our hospital were still allowing partners in, so he got to see that one.

I had my 2nd scan 2 weeks ago and my DP wasn’t allowed in that one. Yes, it’s disappointing but you just get on with it and honestly it’s fine. As others have said, although it’s lovely to have your DP there to experience it, it is a medical procedure and there’s a lot of measurement taking. I personally didn’t feel much difference from my first scan, even though my DH was present at that one.

I think check whether partners are allowed into private scans before you book, some are allowing them and some aren’t.

Isawthathaggis Tue 02-Jun-20 20:21:34

Pull up your big girl pants and think ‘I’m going to be a mum soon, I’ll stand on my own two feet before someone else is depending on me to be an adult’.

Colouringinbook Tue 02-Jun-20 20:23:49

I had mine last week - it was really nice actually! As a PP said you can just focus on the baby which is lovely. No blokes manspreading in the waiting room or hogging all the chairs either so that's a bonus. Got given a few photos without having to ask or pay.

Iggi999 Tue 02-Jun-20 20:26:34

I thought you'd lost the baby. Now that is a scan to feel sad about! Of course it's ok to feel sad he won't be with you but just let yourself feel it for a moment, and then move on with the excitement of having a successful pregnancy. All the best.

newmumtobe66 Tue 02-Jun-20 20:36:12

Thank you for all your messages. It’s nice to have some people who are experiencing the same situation and feelings

OP’s posts: |
Savingshoes Tue 02-Jun-20 20:41:34

The scans are offered and not expected. Don't have one. Then neither of you will be missing out?

cherrypiepie Tue 02-Jun-20 20:42:46

@Iggi999 I though that too.

Just book a private scan the week before.

Oneearringlost Tue 02-Jun-20 20:55:26

Can you face time him during the scan?

WelcomeToTheNorth Tue 02-Jun-20 20:59:49

I think I could live with this but the difficulty would be if a serious problem was picked up. So you’d need to hear that news yourself, then go home and rely the news to the baby’s father? That can’t be easy.

MinesALatte Tue 02-Jun-20 21:03:11

I’m quite surprised by some of the harsh comments. It’s an emotional time, hormones all over the place and i think it’s completely fine and understandable for OP to feel sad that her partner can’t go... nothing to do with ‘pulling up big girl pants’ just because she’s going to be a mum soon, this is a huge moment that must’ve been dreamt about sharing for ages!?

newmumtobe66 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:03:50

Yes very true point...PP

OP’s posts: |
WelcomeToTheNorth Tue 02-Jun-20 21:04:13

I agree. But threads which attach emotions to the scans never go well here.

newmumtobe66 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:06:38

@MinesALatte thank you for your message. I was quite suprised by some of the comments as I wasn’t expecting it. But I chose not to address them. Unfortunately, over the last few weeks, I’ve seen other people having some unkind comments made if they express feeling upset about a situation. Let’s all support each other and be kind.

OP’s posts: |
feelingsicknow Tue 02-Jun-20 21:10:30

I too am quite shocked at some of the PP responses. The poor OP is allowed to feel sad. Perhaps some of you have forgotten how it feels it to be pregnant for first time and completely new to the whole world of scans etc. She acknowledged that it seems like a trivial problem to some given the current circumstances so why the need to be so rude?

OP - I'm sure it will be fine and ive heard that many expectant mums in your position have felt that the staff have really gone out of their way to make things feel as comfortable as possible lately with the absence of partners. And congratulations smile

Everdreamer1990 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:12:21

So sorry about your situation. I had my 12 week scan in Aug last year & relied on my OH for support as I was so nervous about it.

People need to remember that this is your partner's baby too so it must be hard for him. If you can afford a private scan maybe look into booking one.

Ignore some of the nasty comments on here. People don't seem to show much empathy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy & I hope your scan goes well.

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