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Unplanned pregnancy - Feeling totally conflicted :(

(5 Posts)
littlelamb Fri 21-Sep-07 06:30:04

My dd is 3.3 and I had her whilst at university, which was a real struggle. Her dad isn't really on the scene, as he lives on the other side of the country, but his grandparents are fantastic and have helped me out more than I could have hoped. I have been with my current boyfriend for more than 2 years now, and he has just left university (I graduated last Summer and he just did a couple of weeks ago.) Yesterday I found out I am pregnant, which is a complete shock. I am on the pill, haven't forgotten to take any, though have had a slightly dodgy tummy which is probably to blame. I don't know what to do Part of me really really wants dd to have a sibling. Another part of me thinks that I have got a job I really enjoy in a great company, the pay is not great but there is lots of opportunity for promotion, and I don't want to throw that away. My family reacted very badly when I was pregnant with dd, they didn't speak to me the entire time and I am petrified that that would happen again. My family wanted me to have an abortion at first, and I am amazed that I had the courage to say no (I am sad to admit that I care too much what my family thinks, and have pretty much always gone out of my way to please them). I only tested yesterday as I have been feeling so tired, which was my first symptom with dd. I rang my boyfriend yesterday but I won't see him til Saturday, as today he is working right through til 2 in the morning, and I don't want to tell him over the phone.
I am sorry this is so rambling. When I think back to how I felt when pregnant with dd, it was very much doom and gloom, and I promised myself that should I ever get pregnant again that I would be in a better situation, one that would allow me to enjoy being pregnant. I suppose it could just be the shock, but more than anything I feel sick with worry. My dd is the absolute light of my life, and I can see now that my decision was absolutely the right one, but I don't know if I am strong enough to cope with 2 children Does anyone have any experience or practical advice? I am at work today so may not reply til later, but I will be grateful for anything you can share.

aikigypsy Fri 21-Sep-07 14:30:04

Well, I'll bet you are strong enough to cope with 2 children, and 4 years is a good age gap between them. I have no experience or practical advice, as I'm pregnant with my first at the moment, but I did feel very worried when I got the positive pregnancy test, even though I wanted to have a baby. Worry is normal, I think? If you were feeling more fear and anger than worry, that would be a problem.

Best of luck either way.

NAB3 Fri 21-Sep-07 14:32:59

Do you want the baby? If so, then you will find a way. You have the father with you this time so hopefully that will make a big difference. The things that most of us miss about having children is that it very rarely goes to plan. Good luck.

jeangenie Fri 21-Sep-07 14:37:38

if you are in a permanent job won't you get paid maternity leave with this company?
all I can say is that even with planned pregnancies I always felt uncertain after taking the test, so can understand how you must be feeling
take it easy, talk to your boyfriend, mull things over
you sound like a strong person, although you might not feel that way, your family got over it last time and so will have seen that it didn't ruin your life

hobie1 Fri 21-Sep-07 14:47:35

Can sympathise entirely.... Found out I was PG on Weds, 5.5 m after DD1 arrived. Am really confused about the whole thing. DH + 2 friends opened our own business this yr, they are planning another babt imminently, and I had nasty baby blues after DD1. So all in all, timing is a bit knickers. Have toyed with all the options, but am waiting and seeing for now & hoping that I'll become less ambivalent about the whole thing. No suggestions really, but sending you a big and hoping it all works out.

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