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How old is too old for a baby?

(42 Posts)
Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:32:03

I’ve had a long term relationship with no child Although we did try ivf with a donor (ex partner had no sperm) I have a 16 year old (With ex hubby). I am broody (we had been trying for 8 years) and in a relationship but it’s new and I’m not over my heartbreak as yet. I really want another baby though. Is this selfish / too risky. I’m 42 and in good health

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MissSmiley Wed 27-May-20 19:40:41

If your partner is ok with the idea, go for it, 42 is definitely not too old

MamaDane Wed 27-May-20 19:42:05

Past 45 (no matter gender) in my personal opinion

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:43:51

Partner is keen however like I say it’s very early days but also I feel like I haven’t got time to wait! I have a house and the means to support a child on my own if needs be

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Shmithecat2 Wed 27-May-20 19:43:55

Go for it if that's what you want. I had ds at 40 (DH was 46). Have a think about the financial side (possible uni fees etc when you're trying to retire!), but other than that, I don't see any issues.

Bubbletrouble43 Wed 27-May-20 19:46:03

I had what I thought was going to be baby number 2 at 42, 18 years after baby number 1, it was twins. Apparently more common the older you get! Feel duty bound to warn you! However, no issues, 2 healthy kids. Go for it x

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:50:06

Thank you, this makes me happy 😊 congrats all you mums x

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Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:51:31

@Bubbletrouble43 eek not sure about twins but would be fine 😂 x

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Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:54:14

Feel like I sacrificed a lot with the ex partners problems as he really wanted a baby but was unable so was worried it may be too late or just strange at my age 😂 x

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Clarkel1 Wed 27-May-20 19:54:12

I'm 39 and I'm 7+3 this was completely what I wanted and now I'm unsure as I feel awful and wondering if I'm too old, but people have kids older now, I keep telling myself 😐 my oldest is 18 and I've a a ten year old so big gaps all round I think that might be a good thing they can help me. I'm just constantly questioning myself what will people think etc, my husband says we will be fine but I just worry all the time , thinking I could have been free of sleepless nights and nappies now I'm going back to the grind 😂 I think if you really want it go for it, babies are a blessing x

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:55:40

@Clarkel1 I’m sure you will be absolutely fine. Congrats 😊 x

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Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:56:44

Maybe it’s also the new relationship I’m worried about. What are your views on that? X

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SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Wed 27-May-20 19:58:51

I think you need to think about the big picture here. It's not just about babyhood, but your child's whole life. DH's mother had him at 40. She's now 71, and dying. We've been having a lot of very lovely, heartbreaking, honest conversations, and her biggest regret is that she waited so long to be a mother, because there is so much of my husband's life she's going to miss. We're recording messages for her grandchildren at the moment, who she's unlikely to see grow up, and she's comparing herself to my mother, who is 55. My MiL wouldn't have not had him for the world, but she's very aware of the situation.

This isn't to discourage you, at all, but just to offer an example. The big picture is important here. A child isn't just for babyhood.

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 20:03:50

@Someoneelse
Yes i do think about these factors. A lot. I appreciate your honesty, thank you.
I have a close family and my partner is younger so if the worse happened they would be supported and I know only too well you can lose a parent at any age x

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Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 20:05:31

I wish I hadn’t waited but my circumstances at the time prevented it. My ex partner cannot have biological children so ivf with donor was a long wait and then the relationship ended so things are very different x

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SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Wed 27-May-20 20:08:51

You can lose a parent at any age, but you are much more likely to lose an older parent than a younger one. I wouldnt wish what my husband is going through on anyone. Our daughter isn't going to know what she's missing, with no Nana, but we do.

MondeoFan Wed 27-May-20 20:08:57

42 not too old. I had a baby at 43 it was the best decision ever.
I was healthy and took care of myself so why not, the dad was 5 years younger btw.
I'm 48 now with a 5 year old, I don't even think about my age. Got more go in me than some so I think it's fine.
Saying that if I had my time again, I'd have a baby in 20s as I believe that's a good age.

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 20:11:53

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow yes I totally understand what you are saying and will certainly give it thought. I’m very sorry you are going through this x

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Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 20:12:48

Did any of you 40’s Mums have trouble conceiving? That’s also a concern. I was 26 with my other child x

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cptartapp Wed 27-May-20 20:21:18

17 years after the first set, my 47 year old friend had her second set of twins last year. They're gorgeous. She doesn't work though and has a nanny to help.

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 20:25:15

Aah lovely x

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Clarkel1 Wed 27-May-20 20:33:46

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow I feel so bad your husband is going through this, but I think that his mum has probably had 31 years of beautiful memories with him, it is sad but can happen at any age my husband lost both his parents at 16 and they never got to see any of our kids ... and I work in care and it isn't just elderly people who unfortunately pass. I think we all would love to live to an age our kids are older and we see our kids have kids but thankfully we don't know what's in front of us. My biggest worry is leaving any of my kids I had my first at 20 and now I'm pregnant again at 39 but who knows what the future will hold 😞 big hugs for what your going through just now x

MondeoFan Wed 27-May-20 21:39:28

No trouble conceiving op, conceived at 42 birth at 43.
Even let me go 4 days overdue which apparently they don't normally do when you are in your 40's

Shmithecat2 Wed 27-May-20 23:50:37

I didn't have trouble as such. We ttc for a year, but deliberately half heartedly - I didn't want to get too excited or obsessed so didn't track ovulation or anything, just downloaded a basic app that worked our the best times going on my period dates. After conceiving, everything was great. Perfect pregnancy, no issues, spontaneous labour, ds born at 39+6 vaginally without any assistance/instruments or pain relief not that I would've turned it down, it just all progressed a bit quicker than anticipated. Home the next day after a few stitches, great recovery, found bfing very easy!

FurrySlipperBoots Wed 27-May-20 23:54:23

In my opinion, 38. My mum had me at 35 and I've always thought of her as 'older'. We're incredibly close and it really scares me to think of losing her, even though I'm an adult. Obviously there are no guarantees at any age but statistically the older you are when you have them, the less of your child's life you're going to be around for.

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