AIBU? I am floored by what DH has just said to me!

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

It’s an AIBU but everyone in AIBU will tell me my husband is a dick and that I should run for the hills...

Probably hormones but I’m really fucking offended and need to vent!!

I made a comment earlier how I couldn’t wear my usual bra as it hurts so I have a bikini top on which is nice and stretchy. This came off later on in the day as we’re just having a chilled afternoon and then I commented how I needed a bigger bra as my boobs have grown.

Then he goes in waffling some spiel how women should always wear bras otherwise they get saggy boobs (bare in mind I haven’t worn a bra to walk the dogs for the last week as I have been off work). I laughed and assured him that give it a year or so with pregnancy and breastfeeding I’m sure they will get a little saggy all on their own! And just kind of laughed it off and that was that.

Subject came up again as I had to put bra on and to go to the front door as I was wearing a vest top. And he said about keeping it on after. I then said ‘oh heaven forbid your favourite feature does south!!’ which he didn’t like at all and sorta replied with ‘well, exactly!’, basically I just wanted to leave it there as I could feel tensions rising, so it ended with ‘ok do what you want.... it’s like now you’re pregnant you just want to give up’. I asked him ‘Give up on what?!’ and he said ‘everything’ and we’ve been silent since. Like what the fuck does that even mean?!? I am only 6 weeks and we have only known just over 2 weeks, first baby for both. Diet/exercise hasn’t changed so I’m guessing his comment about me ‘giving up’ is entirely based on the fact I don’t want to wear a bra At the moment because my boobs are sore?!

I am sat here with a lump in my throat as I am typing sat next to him. I just want to cry at him for now upset that comment made me feel but I don’t know if I am over-reacting.

Anyone have any thoughts? What can I even say to that?!

[madcatladyforever]

i think you need to remind "D"H that gonads go south very quickly after 40 and you absolutely cannot bear the look of men with saggy ball bags, I mean it's disgusting right?
He'd better get those tight pants on and keep them on day and night so you don't find him repulsive.

[Malysh]

Sorry you're feeling so bad. It was a jerkish thing to say.

Presumably he's not always like this, or you wouldn't be with him ?

If this behaviour is unusual, maybe it's the current situation exacerbating tensions ? Not that it is an excuse.

If this is a one off I'd let it slide, with maybe a discussion about how it wasn't appropriate ?

If this is a recurrent thing I would rethink the relationship though.

[vinoelle]

honestly i wouldn't know what to say to him if thats what he really meant. Sorry but as your pregnancy progresses and after birth its going to get harder. Theres reflux constipation and all sorts of lovely things that happen to your body, then the birth and post natal changes - if he is struggling now that not a good sign. Maybe tomorrow its time for a frank discussion about what he thinks pregnancy is actually like?

[LH1987]

I have nothing constructive you can say to him, all I can up with is a lot of swearing and calling him a selfish git.

If it helps you at all, maybe he is feeling a little overwhelmed by the pregnancy and how everything is going to change for both of you. Men can be quite hormonal aswell. Don't get me wrong he has been an insensitive prick but if he is usually nice it might just be him having a moment.

[Malysh]

And yeah your husband needs to realize that bodies change. I gave birth to my son two days ago and I'm still sore and still have a saggy belly (hopefully it'll get better soon). And weight to lose.

That's just how it is. I'm fine with it because I wouldn't have my son otherwise. And appearances really don't matter that much. Hopefully he realizes that there's more about you to love than perky boobs.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

He isn’t shallow in the slightest and we both are no gym bunny fitness fanatics. We have been together for 11 years and has never said anything like this ever which is why I’m so gobsmacked I think?!

[Raindancer411]

Point out to him that even if you didn't have a baby, and or breastfed, as you age it happens anyway lol He will find that on his own 'bits' too.

Honestly ignore him x

[userabcname]

Actually the whole "bras stop your boobs sagging" has been debunked. In fact, I think NOT wearing a bra is supposed to make them perkier! So not only is your partner an arsehole, he is also completely wrong.

[LillianBland]

Well, isn’t he delight? I take it this is your first baby? I’m sorry OP, but either he is incredibly ignorant about how a woman’s body changes during pregnancy or he’s a shallow wanker. Order him these and tell him he needs to wear them all the time, because you don’t want him to have old man saggy balls. After all, if you need to wear keep him happy by having perky breasts, then he needs to look after his balks, to keep you happy.

[WK29]

@SkylinesTurnstiles Sorry his comments have upset you! Is it possible he’s having a bit of an inner freak out over how much your lives are going to change and he’s just expressed it in a ridiculous way? Knowing the male species, what they say and what they mean can be two very different things 🙈

Personally, I would tell him that when his body starts doing all kind of weird and wonderful things to grow your child then he can have an opinion 😂 and that he needs to prepare himself because there’s going to be a lot more going on that some saggy boobs 🙈

After 10 years together I thought DH and I were about as comfortable as we could get with each other but he’s definitely been subject to more than some out of control boobs during this pregnancy so far 😂😂🙈

[Bookoffacts]

Dont overreact.
It's your hormones wanting to overreact and making you especially sensitive.
He's not that bad and it's your first baby.
Splitting up would be a very bad idea. I'm a single mum and it's VERY hard. He's not that bad, honestly.
Can you talk to your mum / other female relative?

[sel2223]

You're 6 weeks and (i'm assuming) pregnant with your first?
It sounds like he's having a bit of a freak out....very common in women but it can also happen in men too

[Teacaketotty]

Wow he sounds lovely - honestly he is going to witness a whole lot worse throughout pregnancy and childbirth than droopy boobs.

[sel2223]

Pressed send too soon....

He's probably just shocked and starting to realise how much life is going to change and just expressing it in a typical insensitive bloke way! I doubt it's anything to do with your boobs or body at all, that's just how it came out.
Take some time to cool off then talk to him.... I'm sure he feels bad for what he said.

[Lifeisabeach09]

Goodness, if he is like this when you are 6 weeks, what is he going to be like when you are 9 months or postpartum??? Your self-esteem is going to be ripped to shreds by this man if you don't nip his shit in the bud pronto.
And be sure to the remind the prick that he isn't a prize without carrying new life.

[LittleLeaps]

Rub his nipples with sandpaper and then ask him to wear a tight vest to aggravate them and see if he changes his mind? as someone else mentioned its rubbish that not wearing a bra makes your boobs saggy so not only is he a twat, he's an incorrect twat too. Just remind him that pregnancy is no walk in the park, he's not the one going through it all - you are; so if he has an issue with you going braless for a few weeks while your body is going through more changes than he will ever have the pleasure of knowing - then he is in for one hell of a wake up call in the coming months.

[popcorndiva]

Before you said you were 6 weeks I was imagining you were 8 month pregnant. It gets a lot worse, dread to think what his views on stretch marks are..

[IncrediblySadToo]

🌷

'You've given up' two weeks into knowing you're pregnant

PMSL - he's got a STEEP learning curve heading his way.

A lot of men change when their partners are pregnant - sone for the better, but many for the worst.

My advice is 'hope for the best, but prepare for the worst'. Think about what you'd do if you end up bringing up this baby on your own. Make your current decisions re maternity leave etc with this in mind. Too many women end up in their own in shitty situations having given up their jobs/careers & become dependent on the bloke

I know it's utterly shit to have to think about it at this stage when you should just be able to be excited to start a family together, but he's already shown you a nasty side to him, so best be prepared.

[Whatthefoxgoingon]

He’s telling you he wants your breasts to stay young and perky forever, and he’s not going tolerate any age-related deterioration. Nice chap.

[RaspberryBubblegum]

Actually wearing a bra weakens the chest muscles so they sag more. So he is not only an asshole, he is a wrong asshole 🙃
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/259073

[SpillTheTeaa]

Tell old saggy bollocks to piss off and appreciate that your body is doing an amazing thing.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Pregnancy and breastfeeding don’t make boobs saggy. That’s a myth. I’ve had four DCs and my boobs are not at all saggy. A fact my mammogram radiographer has confirmed.
Wearing a bra does actually help slow down sagging if you have a big bust. It supports the connective tissues.
As for your DHs comments about you wearing a bra, it’s really not his business whether you wear one or not. However, your comments about “heaven forbid your favourite feature goes south” was a dig at him only being with you because of your tits and so I’m not surprised he replied with a similar dig back at you, saying you’re essentially letting yourself go.
All I am saying is you both reaped what you sowed. And given that you are pregnant, you’re likely to be a little less thick skinned and so if your relationship consisted of doing sarcastic digs as a way to good maturely roast each other, it will go from funny to not funny but hurtful in a nano second.

[willowmelangell]

Well God forbid he should ever have a painful tender hot stretched dick and balls. What would he do? Oh maybe go for a looser boxer short or nothing at all, to feel a cooling breeze or not be painfully constricted.
Don't be tempted to knee him in the nuts.

[Lipz]

Oh lord he's in for a shock when you get bigger and have the baby, saggy boobs will be the least of his worries. Sore ass is you're unfortunate to get piles, saggy vagina, saggy belly, bleeding, discharge, stitches, the list goes on. He sounds a delight. Better get that surgeon on speed dial to get fixed up after.

[RaspberryBubblegum]

@PlanDeRaccordement in the comment about his favourite feature going south, she was referring to her breasts as his favourite feature. He then agreed and said she's "given up already". She was not commenting on his body.