Grandparent Gifts or Contributions?

[ml01omm]

Hi

FTM, going into 3rd Trimester. DH and I are trying to make sure we have all the baby bits ordered and sorted.

In speaking to my friends to get recommendations and brands and whatnot - they have all mentioned that their parents either ended up giving them money to put toward a more expensive item, or buying them a moses basket etc, or asking if they could be the people to buy the first sentimental item ( e.g first blanket, or first teddy etc).

It was only after those convos that DH and I realised that neither of our Parents ( for both sets this would be first and only Grandchild) have offered to contribute or buy anything for us.

Just to note - we certainly don't expect them to, or feel entitled enough to assume that they have to contribute anything at all!

It just got me wondering whether my friends parents were being overly generous and ours are being normal, or whether our parents are being a bit stand offish, and our friends parents are being normal.

Just interested to know what the scale is like out there!

What were your experiences in terms of your and your partners parents buying gifts for your first child?

[LoisLittsLover]

Both sets bought a big item - pram from my parents and toy box from In laws for dd1, rocking chair and expensive sling for dd2 as well as giving smaller items and money for bank accounts.

[YerAWizardHarry]

My ex-DPs parents have us £1000 in cash the Christmas I was pregnant with DS however they're well off and live 400 miles away so no emotional support.

My mum got bits and bobs of clothes but didn't have the finances to buy us a big ticket item

[Franny0696]

Hi, congratulations! I'm 24 weeks pregnant and my parents have been amaizng and they are buying me my pram (2nd grandchild, 1st child of mine)

My husbands parents are is other words SHIT haven't heard from them, they haven't mentioned anything and I doubt they will.

I'd just buy the things you need and when the time comes explain you have everything and they have had 9 months to buy things xx

[lovelyjubbly12]

Mine and my partners parents have bought us quite a lot of baby clothes

We purchased the big items but mainly because we actually earn more than both sets of parents so wouldn't seem fair on them.

They may have stuff and they're waiting for the baby to arrive? We've only just been given our presents because they were holding onto them in case of a baby shower but obviously can't have one now. Xx

[Oldbutstillgotit]

My DD was quite young so I bought the pram, Moses Basket, cot, bedding and lots of clothes and toiletries . The other grandparents bought the first car seat .

[UrsulaSings]

my mum has bought us a car seat and is giving us a christening gown and outfit to leave hospital in (as she wanted to), and my dad and step mum are buying us the pushchair.

Probably both spending about £200 - £300 each, which I am massively grateful for!!

Maybe your parents will surprise you with something? My OH mum is not in as much of a position financially to help us, but she is giving us DPs christening bracelet.

[Daisy95]

Congratulations!
I’ve noticed this amongst my friends too.
We’ve been really lucky and my parents brought our pushchair (£1000) and my in-laws brought our cot and mattress.

However I have friends who’s parent don’t contribute atall so I never expected it x

[Teacaketotty]

My family bought the travel system and DH’s bought the nursery furniture, I think it’s fairly normal to contribute something if they are in a position to do so. Of course not everyone is but I’m sure they are at least planning a nice gift for when baby comes. I think money towards a practical gift is always better than hundreds of 0-3 month clothes they never wear!

[Pugdoglife]

My mum bought nothing for any of my children. MIL bought first two an outfit each, nothing for the third.

[MindyStClaire]

My family bought the travel system and DH’s bought the nursery furniture

This! As per their own suggestions, and they're all comfortable so wasn't any strain on them.

I'm sure there's a big range in what parents do, depending on budget and family/local custom. The main thing is that they take an interest in the children as they grow up.

[CoolNoMore]

My parents were SO EXCITED to have their first grandchild that they kept on buying clothes.. and a carseat for their own car.. and a spare pram for their house.. and a mattress for the cot...

My mother in law didn't buy anything or offer, but when we had feeding problems and asked her to buy a few bottles and a pump she went on a MAD spending spree and bought everything possibly related to feeding. I think she hadn't wanted to interfere but was very happy to help when asked.

My father in law didn't buy anything, even a present when he was born as far as I remember, but went crazy at Christmas. Turned out he had just been buying things throughout the year as he saw them, and saved them up. They were mostly not age appropriate, but it was sweet. He didn't know what to buy, I guess.

If your parents haven't offered, it might have a lot to do with not wanting to interfere and/or not knowing what would be a good idea to buy. My parents were very generous, but possibly a bit OTT - I didn't get to choose any clothes for DS for about six months, which I was quite looking forward to!

[Lockdownlover]

My mum bought the pram on both occasions as we needed a double. DH’s parents gave money towards the furniture. I’d say it’s normal in our circle for parents to buy a big items as a gift if they can afford it.

[saraclara]

I bought the travel system for my grandchild. I think the other grandparents bought something like the cot or crib?

I could afford to do so and it felt good. My daughter and SIL did the research then took me to see the one they liked, so I got to see it and buy it for them rather than just handing money over.

But of course not all grandparents' financial situations allow something like that.

[saraclara]

SIL = son in law in this case. obv.

[HirplesWithHaggis]

My mum bought my buggy, my PIL bought a cot-bed. I got no say in either.

[Musicalmistress]

Both sets bought bigger items but it wasn't expected, they offered and were excited to do it.

[ThisIsHappening]

We've had to buy very little ourselves to be honest. Immediate and extended family have basically bought us everything. I think all we've bought ourselves are nappy changing things (mat, bag, nappies, wipes, etc., the baby carrier and a few packets of vests.

This is our first and my parents first grandchild too.

[saraclara]

@Franny0696 you're only 24 weeks!

A lot of people of my generation feel really weird about buying things before the baby is safely born. I didn't even mention buying stuff for my daughter's baby until well into her third trimester, and though it was ordered a couple of months before the due date, I didn't get it delivered until a couple of weeks before.

This whole buying stuff months and months before the baby comes is anathema to many of your parents' generation. So don't assume that they're mean and uncaring just because they haven't offered yet.

[Coffeecak3]

My ils bought our pram many years ago. My own dm gave clothes and made a shawl.
We bought car seat, buggy and I made a big foldaway mat for our dgs.
It’s unusual imo for parents not to get a large/expensive piece of kit for their dgs. Obviously it depends on the financial situation of the family.

[Franny0696]

@saraclara trust me my other half's parents didn't contribute or get us a wedding gift so I know what's going to happen lol.

To be honest I'm not bothered anyway. Been moved into outer new house 2 years and they have been round 4 times 😂 they live 10 mins away 😂
Saying oh your only 24 weeks, you do realise some women give birth at 24 weeks and their chance if survival is quite high so better to be prepared then not at all

[HermanHermit]

My mum bought the pram (a mighty expensive bugaboo at that). Nothing from MIL other than a balloon(wtf?) when she descended to the hospital hours after I’d been up all night with emergency section. FIL was off on his honeymoon but gave a toy and a hooded towel thing when he got back (given his massive wealth it was a little in generous). Certainly none of the silver / premium bonds type of things my mum got when my brother and I were born!

[ShanghaiDiva]

My in laws did not offer to buy anything, but put 1000 in ds’s Savings account when he was born which was lovely.
My mum bought the highchair and lots of clothes.
We had a lot of second hand things from a friend of mine whose last child turned one when ds was born which was great.
Everything else we bought ourselves. It was our decision to have children and we didn’t expect any large gifts/purchases.

[Greenbutterlfy566]

I think its completely abrnormal not to get anything.

You wanna know what PIL gave? One packet of wet wipes and one bottle of talc. It was a bloody insult.

(and no. They are not short of cash)

[MizMoonshine]

With my son, my parents and ex's mother both wanted to contribute. I preferred to pay for everything ourselves (just felt right).
With current pregnancy my mother is insisting on buying essentials (as we have already purchased all the big items) DPs parents haven't offered anything as yet (26 weeks) but we don't expect or want anything in particular.

It's normal for grandparents to want to provide something and be included, I would say.

[Superscientist]

My parents are contributing towards the pram and my partners the car seat. Both sets of parents held on to a few bits from when we were born so we will have the blanket I left the hospital in and the outfit that my partner left the hospital in.
My sisters have said they would like to get a few little bits but didn't want to duplicate things or get something we didn't want so I have put shared a list of things I had been looking at.
I'm having to work quite hard at reigning my parents in as my mum loves shopping and my partner and I hate unnecessary items. It's a fine balance between being grateful whilst trying to make sure our wishes are being followed.