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Anyone single and pregnant or in complicated relationship?

(13 Posts)
Violetlilac Fri 22-May-20 12:20:45

I'm 5+1 weeks and had a bit of bleeding and cramping so am just anxiously waiting things out.

I'm in the Facebook group which is great but everyone there seems to be married and I was wondering if there were any other expectant ladies in a similar position to me?

It would be great to get support and just build a small group of us.

Also good to hear from those who have been through it and survived!

I'm due January 21st if little bean sticks and have got my booking in appointment in a couple of weeks. Just praying all will be well.

OP’s posts: |
choccaramel Fri 22-May-20 21:22:27

I'm 15+5 and single. I have done it before, so am more than happy to do it again alone its far more rewarding.

Violetlilac Fri 22-May-20 21:52:01

@choccaramel thanks for replying! How old are you and your other one? I'm finding it hard being pregnant and emotional and alone.

OP’s posts: |
2ndtimemum2 Sat 23-May-20 00:04:05

Me too went through a horrific break up 18 weeks ago. Planned pregnancy but he walked out and blocked my number..about 3 weeks ago tried to come back but too much damage and he was still trying to blame me..for him cheating...so closed the door on the communication because it was way too stressful..havent seen hi. In 18 weeks dread the day I have to!

Delbelleber Sat 23-May-20 00:49:55

I've just had my baby last week. The dad is a total nightmare and I'm really stressed out by him! Basically he wants unsupervised access and I've said no. He's being a total dick about it and has no understanding of my emotional attachment to my baby.

Namechange8186 Sat 23-May-20 01:00:56

Not at the moment but I did do it !sonjust wanted to give you some encouragement !

Split when I was about 5 months pregnant , a bit depressing at first out shopping for baby things and constantly seeing couples together etc And I was alone

By the time ds arrived I loved it !! I actually think it was easier doing it alone in a way , no stress no arguing just me and ds , peace and quiet , pjs on all day if that’s what I wanted no pressure from anyone .
You will be fine smile

3rdBabycoming Sat 23-May-20 08:16:43

I just found out 2 days ago im pregnant. I should be around week 6 now. This Is my third pregnancy. I have two boys 16 months old and 6 months old. Im completely frightened and my anxiety is over the moon.
My first reaction was a historical cry. When i told my partner he was happy and shocked at fhe same time. I told my mom she started to cry saying no no no. Well this should describe why im so anxious and im terrified to tell to the rest of my family.
My first reaction was I cannot do this. But going through another termination I cannot handle. (I had temeination with my first pregnancy due to health risks for the baby and then miscarriage after that again )
The termination is my biggest regret in my life and I couldn’t live with myself going through with that again. Im just completely terrified and i have no idea how to be happy for this pregnancy. 😢😢😢 plus me and my partner had many bad moments these past years and seems like everything getting worse then better.

DressingGown87 Sat 23-May-20 08:56:53

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and single. Dated the dad a few times, I went on holiday, came back and Found out I was pregnant. Contacted the Father, turns out he was in a 8 year relationship, and wanted me to abort. It was a shock, as 5 years ago I was told I couldn’t have children, after 7mmc, so an abortion was never going to be an option.

It’s lonely, but I would rather do this alone than co-parent with a liar, cheat, and idiot! I can form my own routine, boundaries, without being contradicted. Some days are good, some are bad. I’m anxious about the birth, sleepless nights on my own. Hate that I don’t have that reassurance at 3am when I wake up with a twinge, and in some ways have to make every decision on my own, shop on my own etc.

Hope your ok OP?

ItsMischerWavy Sat 23-May-20 09:35:30

Hey, I did it! I was in "complicated" relationship that nobody knew about.... Most people didn't know I was pregnant. I went through pregnancy, birth and first 8 months effectively single, by myself for all intents and purposes and with a secret daddy!

My best piece of advice would be to embrace it - get your head round it now and by the time baby comes it will be the norm. Lean on friends and family for support and try to enjoy it.

For me, I thought of all the positives of it and tried to keep those in my head and the negatives out of my head. For example, you don't have to deal with anybody else's needs other than your own through pregnancy, you can please yourself. In a foul mood and want to sit and eat Ben and Jerry's and watch Bridget Jones baby (wouldn't recommend it lol) you can!

Feel free to PM me if you like xx

Violetlilac Sat 23-May-20 16:06:57

I'm finding it really hard. I just see everyone around me with loving husbands supporting me and my bf is just so selfish and absolutely shit. I haven't seen him for over a week. He was encouraging and wanted it to happen before it did and now it has hes barely been there for me, been really depressed and negative and I'm finding it so hard. He has two kids he had when he was younger that he doesn't see and which really gets to him.

I hate feeling so emotional!! I don't know what to do. On paper I should have a termination and get rid of him from my life. My mum keeps saying itll be too hard without supportive partner. I'm scared. I'm also scared of the aftermath of a termination that I wouldn't be able to get over it and it'd really affect my mental health. But then I keep getting really down now at the thought of going through all this by myself. Its all so messy.

OP’s posts: |
1Micem0use Sat 23-May-20 16:46:31

I was single and pregnant, now I'm single with a baby. It is hard, but it's not too hard. Youd be amazed at what you are capable of.
Try not to compare yourself to what you imagine are dream team marrieds. Some probably are, some probably aren't.
It can be a bit awkward being single and pregnant, and single with a baby. People are curious/nosy. But give it a few years and you wont feel out of place as a single mother as there will have been lots of divorces.
Ultimately though you know yourself and your circumstances best. Your body, your choice.

alphabetti Sun 24-May-20 11:14:21

I had my first 2 with my ex husband and things were terrible when I was pregnant with my 2nd, and there was a 20month age gap too so while pregnant had a toddler to look after too. I clung onto the relationship despite his behaviour being awful because I was afraid of being a young single mother. I was 22 at the time. In the end he walked out on us when the baby was 6mth old.

I am not going to lie I found things difficult mentally and financially however having 2 wonderful children kept me going and one day I just realised actually it was easier doing things myself rather than being dragged down by someone who was not a good parent/partner. I managed to rebuild my life and went to college, uni and now have a god job and have met a fantastic man, pregnant again and plan to get married too.

It is not the end of the world to be pregnant and single or be a single parent. You might have tough times ahead but so do many people even if they are married. My ex no longer sees the children (his choice) I was very sad about it at first however now I am grateful as it means I got to bring them up to be the people I want them to be whereas if they were still around him maybe they would have grown to be more like him. To anyone facing being a single parent and feeling low about it just don’t put pressure on yourself. Take each day as it comes and remember that to your little one you are the best person in their life so keep going but speak out to someone if you need support and most of all enjoy being a mum.

Dreamcatcher34 Sun 24-May-20 20:22:42

I can’t tell you how happy I am to see this thread. I went through a really horrible break up and then got pregnant to a different ex a few weeks later. He is absolutely not suitable to be a dad, so I’m hoping to get away with not telling him. That sounds awful but it is for the best. I have a good family and friends, and I have other children. But I feel so lonely and lost. I’m so happy about the baby, but it’s not the circumstances I wanted. It’s a scary situation to be single through this, I think. Glad I’m not alone.

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