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Does/did anyone else feel this way?

(10 Posts)
tinkie Fri 07-Sep-07 17:47:42

Feeling mega fed up ladies. This baby was planned for over a year. We talked through everything, made a very concious decision to start trying and they tried very hard.
Was delighted when I found out, but now at 8w I'm bloody miserable.
I want my old life back. I want to go home now and have a large glass of wine - then another. I want my freedom back so badly I could scream.
Suddenly the implications of motherhood have jumped up and smacked me on face. Now I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for - I'm not stupid - but I feel like it's all happened too soon.
I'm nearly 28 so not exactly a spring chicken but I suddenly feel way to young. And am freacking out that in seven months time I'll have a little person attached to me 24/7 and really don't want it.
What to do? The thought of having a termination when I'm happily married and dh is delighted to be having a child, seems terrible. But if I could click my fingers and be baby free I would be.
I'm over whelmed with guilt about this and also feel totally trapped because really there is only one way out and I don't think I can bring myself to do it.
I suppose I just want to hear if anyone else feels or felt like this or am I complete freak?!

fettleandminifettle Fri 07-Sep-07 17:57:41

Wouldn't say you're a complete freak, just full of pregnancy hormones confusing you.

Please talk to your DH about how you are feeling - it is natural to suddenly feel overwhelmed by everything when you find out you are pg - particularly the thought of someone else effectively taking over your body for the next 9 months!

If it is any conciliation to you - We tried over 2 years to get pg, with 2 mc on the way and when found out I was pg this time, felt exactly the same - I think it was my way of protecting myself if something went wrong (we already have a beautiful DD). As time has gone on, I've got more and more excited and it is only now I'm 37 weeks and the prospect is more imminent that I'm starting to worry a little about how I'll cope with two - but I'm sure it will all be fine.

Please don't bottle this up - talk to someone about it.

take care

beansprout Fri 07-Sep-07 18:01:31

I am 19 weeks and have spent a fair chunk of time wondering if I am doing the right thing. This will be our second and I'm really anxious about it.

I think it is healthy to consider what a baby will mean for you, but if you are seriously considering a termination, do try and talk to someone about it first. Take care.

positive Fri 07-Sep-07 18:48:28

i'm 38 and still feel too young!! we had been trying for 18mths after a mc. both delighted when we had a +ve test, then panic, how can we cope, i'm an older mum to be, money, childminding, less time together, holidays, our pets!! same as my last preg before the mc.
then started to worry that i'd had another mc, but at early scan i'm 8w +3. this lessened my worries. however i still worry about how we are going to cope when baby arrives.
from talking to friends theyve all had similar worries and most blame the early preg hormones. hope this is some help?

katendmom Fri 07-Sep-07 18:56:24

Tinkie, what you're feeling is normal. Having a baby is a major life changing event. I agree with all the ladies here - you must talk to your DH.

We already have a 19 month old DS. Guess what - we thought we were done. Then a few weeks back we found out that we were expecting. I cried my eyes out. "How will I deal with 2 children?" "Where are we going to get the money?" "Oh man, we're just starting to sleep through the night!" and on and on... Then went on to an early scan and they saw no heartbeat... Scheduled for a rescan next week but really starting to have symptons suggesting that I'll mc this time... and you know - now I'd anything to save this pregnancy. So yes, the first reaction can be different but as time goes by and things settle down - I bet you will feel differently.

At any rate - please don't keep it inside. Talk to your husband (PS and if a half a glass of wine is what it takes - have it! What the heck!)

skidoodle Fri 07-Sep-07 21:08:07

hi tinkle,

I know where you're coming from. I got pregnant straight away and was pretty taken aback. I didn't think it would happen for a while even though I knew it might. The timing isn't great because I just got a new job I really care about. For weeks I felt awful from fatigue and tiredness and could barely function beyond getting myself to work and back again. It was horrible and I had moments where I wished I wasn't pregnant just so I could feel normal and have my usual energy.

I feel a lot better now (14 weeks) and after the scan am a lot more at peace with the whole thing. I didn't really believe in the whole thing. Well in some ways I still find it hard to believe but seeing the little baby shape movig about inside makes it easier. I'm still a bit freaked out about everything changing, even my body, which I'm really surprised about as I didn't think I would care about that but i do.

I don't know I guess it's just a very weird time and with the hormones and everything your emotions are all over the place. I wasn't prepared for the pregnancy to have such a big impact on my life yet.

tbh you do sound a lot more freaked out than me, but your feelings sound quite similar. Talk to your DH and let him know how you feel. If you keep having relentlessly negative thoughts make sure to mention it when you have your next doctor's appointment. they won't judge you because they'll have heard it all before, but they should be able to help.

good thoughts to you

macaco Mon 10-Sep-07 11:16:29

Hi tinkle

We planned this baby too and although I knew it could happen straight away I was a bit shocked when it did. I'm 8 weeks now as well and suffering morning sickness. When i first found out it all felt so completely unreal I just couldn't get my head round it. Then when the morning sickness (and weepiness) kicked in I really felt for a while I'd made a terrible mistake and that I wished I wasn't pregnant. It all seemed so terrifying and everyone is always so blissfully happy to be pregnant I I felt nothing...just...oh my god...what have I done.

I totally understand the feeling like it's all happened too soon. We thought we were ready and we'd let nature take its course but when I got pregnant I felt I should have waited til I was desperate for a baby. I felt it had happened too soon for me to get used to the idea. I felt lukewarm about it. When I went to see the doctor first I sat in the waiting room just wanting to run away.

I think a lot of it is hormones as I feel really up and down anyway and the fear is easing off slightly now. Also at 8 weeks it's all so academic, I haven't had a scan or seen a midwife yet. I think it's natural to be frightened of such a life change but I try to remember that I PLANNED this baby so even if it's a come a bit earlier than I thought it's something i made a conscious decision to do and I'll take each day as it comes. I think hormones have a lot to answer for. I know mine are raging at the moment.

I think you should perhaps talk to DH about your fears but yes, I felt quite like you and now I feel calmer and more relaxed about it all. I still don't even want to think about buggies or anything baby like though!

cupcake78 Mon 10-Sep-07 11:25:31

You sound just like I did at the beginning of this pregnancy and at exactly the same time. I had two m/c before this as well and when I wasn't pregnant all I wanted was to be pregnant.

The morning sickness, tiredness and realisation kicked in and I remember secretly crying for days because I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. That may life was over, I wasn't ready, we couldn't afford it, all my friends had a life and mine was over forever.

Now 38 weeks and can't wait to be a mum.

I think it is most likely your hormones playing up, but you must talk to someone if you are at all unsure.

evenhope Mon 10-Sep-07 11:28:28


I have 5 children and have had 4 m/c. I have had the reaction you describe every single time I have been pregnant. I spent 18 months TTC my PFB and still went into "what have we done?" mode.

The thought of the responsibility is overwhelming, and the hormones make it worse. It will pass, I promise.

snowleopard Mon 10-Sep-07 11:36:06

You can plan to have a baby, but not for how it wil affect you. Pregnancy hormones can really mess with your head and if you wait and see, you will probably feel differently soon. It's totally normal - as are other hormone-related things like getting cross with your partner (I seemed to have the world's worst pmt for about 4 months...) or getting teary at anything at all. (I remember crying at a Joss Stone video on telly because she had a nice skirt on!) I know those things are more trivial than what you're feeling now, but I'm mentioning them as examples of just how irrational you can get.

I do want to warn you (because no one warned me) that you may have similar feelings when you first have a tiny baby - those hormones are powerful too - but they do wear off and it doesn't mean you won't be a wonderful and happy mum. I can promise you, my life now I'm a mum is not over at all and I don't feel trapped. These are just feelings and fears and they're very common.

A termination may seem a way out, but take your time. Remember you didn't expect to feel like this when you were planning a baby, and you don't know how you might feel if you had a termination. It may not be what you really want, it might be that you just need time to overcome these hormones and get used to this huge change.

And you are 8 weeks - the first trimester is notoriously hard. Many people suddenly feel much, much better at about 13-15 weeks.

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