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Am I making my unborn miserable?!

(14 Posts)
anonymoooose Thu 13-Feb-20 14:01:12

Hi all
I am 19+ 2 weeks with my 3rd child (my sons are 19 and 8). I'm a single parent so no help from their fathers
I am going through so much financial difficulties (had bailiffs visit yesterday for a council tax debt) and worries about my future (baby was unplanned and the contraception failed, not with father)
I'm an agency worker and am barely making ends meet
All I do is cry and worry because I can hardly pay anything once I've paid my share of the rent and childcare
I'm worried that my emotions are going to make my unborn miserable and probably set off depression in them. I know this sounds dumb but as much as I try I can't help but worry and then I'm worrying that my worry is going to affect the baby
Sorry for ranting
Is there studies to prove it?!?
I can't see a way out of my debt

Echobear Thu 13-Feb-20 19:51:55

I'm really sorry I don't have an answer for you but I just want you to know I'm thinking about you flowers

Jesskir89 Thu 13-Feb-20 21:14:47

Op speak to your midwife and see if she can offer any advice. Sorry to hear you're struggling. There will be a way out ring the debt company and explain your situation and see what they can do for you. Good luck

LovingLola Thu 13-Feb-20 21:19:34

I’d be more worried about your 8 year old seeing you cry all the time to be honest.
Have you family to help you ?

RyvitaBrevis Thu 13-Feb-20 22:32:30

Gosh, that is tough, although I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself. flowers There are charities out there who can help with debt with no judgement and a listening ear. Have you tried getting help? I have heard lots of good things about Christians Against Poverty, just to name one.

Mycrazylife85 Fri 14-Feb-20 08:07:42

If you are in the UK can you please go to CAB (Citizens Advice) and they can tell you about what to do to consolidate your loans. I'm a former housing officer and saw this so often. Please look to do this. Good luck. There is help out there and probably a lot of it in your are too 💐

Jesskir89 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:32:45

Op how are you?

anonymoooose Fri 14-Feb-20 22:12:04

@Jesskir89 I am ok today, thanks for asking 🤗. Have read up some more on being classed as vulnerable because I'm pregnant so am going to stepchange to try and get an IVA to stave off the debtors.
I have a midwife appointment in a couple weeks so will ask if they can help also

anonymoooose Fri 14-Feb-20 22:15:07

@LovingLola I don't cry in front of him. He's quite sensitive anyway and would be upset with me. When he sees I have red eyes I use the "I have something in my eye and I've rubbed my eyes too much to get it out" line. Works every time lol
But mostly I'm crying in the car or at work or when he is asleep. My mind is just full of all the things that have gone wrong. How alone and broke I am, bailiffs coming for me and clamping my car or whatever bill has gone over etc etc

Jesskir89 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:33:21

Op I think an iva is a good idea there's always a way out of these things. I work for a debt recovery company and when people ring us in similar situations we do try and help low monthly payments etc so don't worry x

YorkshirePud1 Fri 14-Feb-20 22:57:34

OP you mentioned you rent, but also that you have a car. If your car is worth less than £1,000 and your debts are less than £20,000 an IVA may be totally unnecessary and a DRO could be a way better option. With an IVA you have to commit to payments for at least 5 years. A DRO you just pay £90 as a one off fee and nothing else, all your debts are wiped. StepChange can arrange a DRO for you as long as you also have less than £50 per month left over after you've paid all your bills, housekeeping etc.

Look after yourself in the meantime. Your heath and wellbeing comes first - there's always always a way out of debt.

anonymoooose Sat 15-Feb-20 15:33:00

@Jesskir89 @YorkshirePud1
Thank you. This morning I have called all my debtors and told them I am pregnant and that I'm seeking advice from stepchange for a DRO.
Most were helpful and told me to email evidence and that action will be put on hold until the stepchange kicks in
I appreciate your kind words

Jesskir89 Sat 15-Feb-20 16:37:06

Op that's great news hopefully you can relax a little easier and enjoy your pregnancy x

YorkshirePud1 Sun 16-Feb-20 19:20:50

@anonymoooose that's great. I hope you're feeling better about things. Always remember there's so much help out there for debt, it's never as desperate as you might think! Good luck.

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