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Breaking the news to someone who may not be pleased

(11 Posts)
micegg Wed 29-Aug-07 13:08:56

My DH and I are delighted that I am nearly 3 months pregnant with baby 2. The only problem is (I wont go into too much detail if thats OK) when we were pregnant with our DD my SIL completely lost it. It's a long story but she basically has a phobia of pregnant women and childbirth. I am sympatheitic but at the risk of sounding selfish she ruined what she should have been a happy moment last time. We visit my DHs family regulrly and normally stay with SIL (not possible to stay with other fanily members when we visit)I know she still eels the same way as only a few months ago she was telling me how pregnant women make her feel. We will have to tell her soon. Last time we just told her to her face as were werb't aware of her feelings so were expecting a happy reaction. I really dont want to put any of us through that again so was going to suggest DH tell her over the phone. Anyone got any advice on whether this is good or not?

Also, I have said to DH that I don't want to stay at her place whilst pregnant as she/I will feel uncomfortable. We cant afford to stay in hotels and visiting less frequently will be difficult as we need to go and see DHs elderly parents (who know nothing about this) so that means 2 very long journeys in one day instead. Any ideas on tackling this?

ZoeC Wed 29-Aug-07 13:23:15

What did you do regarding visiting family when you were pg last time?

I would definately tell her over the phone, that at least gives her the chance to absorb the news without having to actually face you then and there iyswim.

micegg Wed 29-Aug-07 13:30:13

the situation was different then so we used to stay with other people. if i remember rightly we only saw her twice after the initial incident but that would be less easy to do this time.

becklespeckle Wed 29-Aug-07 13:35:40

I would let DH tell her over the phone or perhaps send her a card/letter and let her contact you? Are you showing yet? I would perhaps wait to tell her until you are and then you could stay with her while visiting until you show? after that hotels or the long drive would be best, could you alternate and use a hotel/Travelodge/B&B one visit and drive it in one day the next? Oh and Congrats on your pg! grin

missbumpy Wed 29-Aug-07 14:53:30

Yep, FWIW I'd let DH tell her on the phone too.

FLIER Wed 29-Aug-07 15:01:13

Could you get a £10/£25 deal on a travel lodge/travel inn?

nailpolish Wed 29-Aug-07 15:03:38

could SIL stay with a friend and let you have her house for a night when you visit dh's family?
i understand that you are upset that she ruined the joy of your pg last time, but it sounds to me like she wont change and will therefore be the same again, so i think its best to avoid her
oh nad get dh to phone her and tell her the news

Mumpbump Wed 29-Aug-07 15:07:28

Why not tell her that you have decided not to stay with her as you feel it would be insensitive to her feelings, given that she really doesn't like pg women/childbirth and see what she says?

MrsMcJnr Wed 29-Aug-07 16:39:53

Oh dear, what a strange one! I agree, get DH to tell her on the ‘phone, probably better for everyone involved. As far as the visits are concerned, that’s tricky, unless DH goes alone or SIL insists you all stay there, I can’t see any alternative to the travel I’m afraid.

Paranoid1stTimer Wed 29-Aug-07 19:27:44

How selfish some people can be though I know it must be some kind of real phobia and that she must really feel this way in her head.
SIL can be hard work at the best of times as some are like a 2nd wife (usually along with MIL envy) - sorry getting off track here.

Telling her over the phone is prob best idea as MissBumpy says - DH should tell her over the phone or send her a card. Phone prob better cos then you can get some kind of reaction straight away then leave it up to her to get in touch with you.

I also agree with MumpBump. At least if you are honest and tell her you can't stay with her as you are thinking of her feelings and that you don't want to make her feel worse than she already does, then she (and you) might be relieved - she might also think you're being very thoughtful by considering her feelings...

Do you get along well at other times? What a horrible situation to be in. I really feel for you.

micegg Wed 29-Aug-07 19:39:32

Thanks everyone. We do get on well but things are not helped by her having alot of personal problems so I am guessing she will be overreacting at the moment. On the other hand she may go the other way and be really pleased in light of her current situation.

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