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Breastfeeding and negative comments

(207 Posts)
nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:10:16

Right, please can people just give HONEST opinions on their breastfeeding experience/s.

I plan to breastfeed, since the day I found out I was pregnant I said straight away, I'm breastfeeding. I plan to go back to work when baby is around 10 months so I have been planning to breastfeed for around 6 months and see how it goes from there. I understand that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and not everyone is able too. But I'm in the mindset of that I will be trying, and all going well it will be the method I use.

My MIL was absolutely gobsmacked when she asked 'you'll be bottle feeding the baby right?' And my response was no breastfeeding. Her response was 'well you'll always be doing feeds yourself' in a snippy tone, which of course I know will be the case at the start but I'm planning to express so that DH also gets to bottle feed my milk and have that bond with baby too. I think because it's her first grandchild she was just a bit disappointed maybe that she won't get that chance to do any feeds right at the start.

My mum, made a comment about how I should prepare and expect to have really saggy boobs after it, I almost felt like she was trying to put me off as well.

My DH is really supportive, all for it and hasn't said one negative word about it.

I'm only 25, but feel like everyone is putting me off by saying I'm going to hate my boobs after I've breastfed and how awful it's going to make me feel. I've came to the conclusion, that regardless of whether I breastfeed or not my boobs have already went up in size quite a bit and I think they will sag after this pregnancy anyways, so what's the difference?

I mean, did any of you breastfeed and then regret it? Or wish that you knew how your boobs would look at the end of it? I am at the stage where I'm not actually bothered, only person that see's them is DH and myself - so what does it matter?

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May2020 Mon 06-Jan-20 10:13:17

Gosh, you sound very wound up. Just relax, ignore the meddlers and see how you feel when the baby arrives - it'll all be ok

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:14:33

Ahh these comments were made a long time ago, early stages maybe 12-15 weeks pregnant. I'm 30 weeks now so totally over their comments as the MIL and my mother has stopped mentioning it now as they know that is my decision. But I wondered everyone else's experiences smile

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QforCucumber Mon 06-Jan-20 10:14:34

The only person who was negative about my bf was my MIL, and DH dealt with her with it. She did have the occasional dig, and i'm sure she will with my 2nd who is due in June, but I really don't care, Every single other person was fine. Your DH can do absolutely every single thing else - that's still bonding. DS is 3.5 and prefers DH to me anyway as apparently he plays better than I do!

I'm a 32g, I solely BF Ds for 6 months, they're fine. My closest friend bottle fed both of hers and hates her boobs after pregnancy - so I don't believe that either.

BonnyE Mon 06-Jan-20 10:16:41

Hi. I bf DD and she's 2. Whilst very hard in the beginning it has overall been a positve experience. I do think there are health benefits so if you can and it works for you and baby then ignore everyone else.
Only negative is in the early days it's hard as you have to do all the feeding (if DC won't take bottle which mine didn't). DH can help in lots of other ways though and it gets much easier post 3 months. Time goes so quickly that it's a really short amount of time really.
I never had a negative experience feeding whilst out and about. And I've done it in some weird places!
Oh, and I'm in my late 30s and my boobs haven't sagged a bit they're just fine. Good luck.

showmewhatyougot Mon 06-Jan-20 10:16:45

Firstly Pregnancy is what changes your breasts not breastfeeding. So they will be the same if you bottle or breast feed.

It's your baby, feed it however you choose. I don't understand why people are still so anti breast feeding, especially now a days where there is so much proof that it is better for both baby and mother.

WillingSpringTime Mon 06-Jan-20 10:17:33

I am in the same position as you. 25 and expecting my first and planning to breastfeed if I can. I haven't had any comments but then I haven't really spoken to many people about it apart from my midwife and mum.
I am planning to try to express as well so the DH can help with feeds if need be.
In regards to saggy boobs, I don't think that is the case with everyone. My mum breastfed both me and my sibling and she has said her boobs never sagged afterwards but then she was small on the chest front to start with. My dads ex-wife hated how hers looked after breastfeeding so got a boob job so I think it is just personal about how you view your body once you have finished feeding.

CalleighDoodle Mon 06-Jan-20 10:17:53

Stop telling opinionated and rude people everything.

I breastfed for over four years non-stop. My boobs are fine. They were amazing during the breastfeeding years though. Truly amazing. God i miss milky boobs.

People will tell you to mix feed (dont) or express into bottles (don't do this too soon - at least 6 weeks) because they are selfish and want to play at being mummy and feed the baby. If they want to play mummy with your baby, give them a nappy. Or hand them the fed baby to burp.

Dont be pressured.

DappledThings Mon 06-Jan-20 10:17:58

I breastfed two babies. Both of them were EBF for 6 months although DC1 did take some expressed milk in a bottle from 4 months. DC2 never did.

The vast majority of my friends who had their babies around the same time as mine also breastfed and I have only ever heard this bollocks from grandmothers on MN. Nobody I know has ever said they've had a negative comment from their mum or MIL. I can't imagine anyone normal thinking it's got anything to do with them.

Nor have I ever had a single negative comment or look in public either. I have had a waitress apologise because she didn't follow their procedure and bring a glass of water to my table because I was feeding, I've had a couple of people say it's nice to see, a couple of people walk round a longer way to get to another table to not disturb me despite my protestations that it was fine and one coffee bought anonymously for me by another customer when I was struggling with toddler and newborn.

I have no idea if breastfeeding changes your boobs. I don't think I've ever taken that much notice of them.

CmdrCressidaDuck Mon 06-Jan-20 10:18:31

I've never regretted it a bit. It's been challenging at times but absolutely lovely. Also the impact on your breasts primarily comes from pregnancy hormones, not feeding.

I've been breastfeeding for more than five years almost continuously now and my boobs are absolutely fine. A bit smaller than they were post my first pregnancy, that's all. Age and babies are always going to take their toll on your body anyway. And there are a lot of stupid myths and ideas about due to a huge generational loss of breastfeeding knowledge and experience.

Public-wise, I never had a negative comment but had several people at different times (especially older ladies!) approach me to say how lovely it was to see someone bfing and reminisce about doing it themselves.

I'd advise as your mum and MIL aren't supportive to make sure you have good support from your partner and a local breastfeeding group, because unfortunately DM and MIL may well pressure and undermine you feeding given an opening.

BabyMoonPie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:19:06

I breastfed for 18 months. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. My advice would be to find out what support is available in your area and use it (I had a Home Start peer supporter and went to breastfeeding bistros). Ignore other people's comments and opinions - what matters is what you want to do and that your baby is fed and healthy

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:19:30

@QforCucumber thank you for your response! She only made that dig, the once to me. She hasn't actually made any other comments so I'm guessing maybe DH dealt with it when I wasn't there?? (hopefully lol!)

Haha - I think that will be the same case for us. Did you express as well in those 6 months or? Sorry for the random question!

That's really interesting to hear, I am a 32DD as lost weight before pregnancy but now back up to an E/F. I don't think I believe either, I think it either happens or it doesn't from what I hear!

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Mandarinfish Mon 06-Jan-20 10:20:38

You’re unlikely to get negative comments from your own generation. But if your MIL / mum bottle fed themselves, they may see this as an indirect criticism of their own parenting choices. Remember that (depending on their age) they may even have been told that formula feeding is better for the baby. Ignore them!

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:21:43

@BonnyE Thank you for the positive comment as well. Yes, I've got in my head the first little while will be tough regardless and that it will lay all on me for feeding especially is she won't take a bottle.

Did you feel the BF part got easier after the 3 month mark?

That's partly my worry, but think I'll conquer it when the time comes!

Thank you, that's really good to hear from my point of view, thanks for the good luck x

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okiedokieme Mon 06-Jan-20 10:22:49

Ignore them!!! It's the best thing you can do for your baby, my mum too didn't get it, especially that I continued (to 18 months) and got various comments but it's better for their health, simple (no sterilising, always the right temperature) and free!

Mandarinfish Mon 06-Jan-20 10:22:52

I have big breasts and breastfed three DC and my breasts aren’t saggy.

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:23:05

@showmewhatyougot yes! that's what I tried to tell my mum, who was adamant that the BF would make them really saggier than if I bottle fed.

People really are anti BF these days, I can't believe some of the comments that have been made when I've been listening in to conversations.

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CalleighDoodle Mon 06-Jan-20 10:23:34

@WillingSpringTime it would be very very unlikely that you wouldnt be able to breastfeed. Its around 1% of mothers who cannot produce milk. All other issues can be sorted by a good lactation specialist (notice i didnt say midwife hmm ) with poor positioning being one of the main culprits. Which is very easily sorted. So attend an nct class on preparing for breastfeeding, along with what your mw offers, and be positive smile

thisusernameun Mon 06-Jan-20 10:24:15

I am still breastfeeding my 2 year old son. He is and has been a bottle refuser. One thing I didn't think about is they mental toll it took on me having to be there constantly since he only has my milk. If I have another child I will definitely introduce a bottle earlier on (within first couple of weeks and not wait 6 weeks as the hv said). However breastfeeding has been overall lovely and I would mix feed purely for my needs rather than for what anyone else says.

Mandarinfish Mon 06-Jan-20 10:24:25

For me, breastfeeding was straightforward from day 1. I never had mastitis, engorged boobs or painful feeding. I appreciate that’s not the case for everyone.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Mon 06-Jan-20 10:25:14

I think there was a bit back in the 80s where BF was considered quite negatively. The only negativity I got was from MIL, but DH was very supportive so it was fine.

It's not easy to BF and don't assume you will be able to express enough to feed, or that your baby will accept a bottle. I loved BF though, we did mixed feeding as DS was a terrible sleeper, giving one bottle of formula gave me an uninterrupted 4 hour sleep. You should definetly try to BF and see how it goes!

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:25:58

@WillingSpringTime Was your mum supportive? Your midwife will have been right? As my midwife was really surprised when I said straight away when she asked, I think with our age she just didn't expect it maybe?

Are you going to try a manual or electric pump do you know?

I agree with that, I think it really depends how you felt about your body before, and essentially how you view it afterwards as well. PS - good luck with your pregnancy and BF when the time comes! x

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Hugtheduggee Mon 06-Jan-20 10:27:12

Hmnn, I bottle fed my first and bf my second (baby refused to mix feed as refused bottles). Swings and roundabouts really. I find that bottle feeding was easier and that bf has affected the bond between baby and dad, despite us doing everything we could to stop this. I'm sure it won't matter in 10 years, but right now (9mo) the difference is obvious, especially in terms of how happy baby is with him compared with our first. And your baby could refuse bottles, so be prepared to ebf is needed. But it's handy out and about, and baby looked it and it's a great comfort. But obviously comfort only you can provide. We tried for mix feeding from birth but baby had other ideas.

I've had no negative comments bf, only bottle feeding, but that was more people not understanding why I didn't want to bf first time round.

Either way is fine, just what suits you guys as a family really.

nicannie Mon 06-Jan-20 10:28:15

@CalleighDoodle haha - noted!! Don't tell the MIL anything (I wish!)

Sounds like a really positive experience for you, I hope I have the same. Yes, I read a lot of that on other threads. I think I'm hoping to do around 2 months solely BF and then express there after for DH to help out and maybe give me a little bit of time to myself (if that will be possible!). I definitely don't want to mix feed.

Thank you!

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Iwillsleepin2020 Mon 06-Jan-20 10:28:37

I doubt you’d regret doing something that is so beneficial for your child. I think you could feel sad about your body changes or frustrated about how dependent your baby is on your body, but I doubt regret comes into it.

I feel enormous pride for breastfeeding. My boobs aren’t their best, but I’m quite excited to treat myself to a boob job in a few years once my baby days are over grin

Ignore the negative comments. I’ve had similar snipes from relatives or comments to belittle the benefits of breastfeeding (and therefore my efforts!). I think it comes from insecurity about choices they made, when no doubt they experienced similar pressures from relatives and also a hospital culture that actively promoted formula as equal. Your baby needs you in those early day’s - not grandma feeding or even daddy feeding. If you need a break and therefore want your partner to do a feed that’s different. Otherwise he can bond by giving them a bath, nappy changes, wearing the sling while they nap, baby massage etc.

Good luck and try not to stress about it. If people bring such negative energy to you then tell them, give them a chance to change and if they can’t then limit your contact. Protect your sanity and confidence as a new mum at this time

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