Someone Help Me!

[nervousdad]

Hello there, a dad to be here who need help.
Can anyone tell me at what point we need to start buying things like baby bouncers and stuff. Do we choose a decoration theme before knowing the sex of our baby. How involved are most dads during the pregnancy with getting things organised and buying bits and pieces.

Trying my best but it doesnt seem to ever be enough!!

[chacha3]

hi there, i personally would go for neutral colours so it dosent matter whether the baby is a girl or boy! got to say i did most of the buying the clothes and things like that but my partner helped me with the big things like bouncers, prams cribs etc! its nice for the dads to be involved too! good luck anyways!

[quint]

Congrats on being a dad to be.

Don;t worry I don;t think any dad ever gets it right - its called hormones.

All you can really do is take your lead from your wife/partner

When I was pregnant with both DDs I would ask DH for his opinion even if I'd already made up my mind, I often just wanted him to confirm that something I wanted was right.

As for the decor, if you don;t know the gender go for creams and beige plain walls you can always add colour later with posters and soft furnishings etc.

Don;t worry her hormones will get better - just be as supportive as you can

[GillianLovesMarmite]

Hi,

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and we have started getting a few things together, but have also been fortunate enough to be given some stuff by friends and family. From what i've read it's worth having at least the essentials (cot, nappies, some baby clothes etc) from 30 weeks just in case there's an early arrival. Most pregnancy magazines provide advice and tick lists of what you need at each stage (although you don't need ALL of the stuff they recommend).
In terms of decorating - we sorted out the problem by painting the nursery magnolia and getting things with bears on in neutral colours - you can always add pink/blue stuff when you know which it is!
Good Luck.

[Tinkjon]

I'd start to get stuff after the 2nd scan... some things like prams can take a while to order. Other stuff can wait 'til after 30 weeks but you might as well do it sooner rather than later because your pg partner will be too tired to go trawling round the shops in the later stages anyway! As for decorating the baby's room - are you going to find out the sex? If so I'd wait until after you've found out, but if not then just do it now, in neutral colours, as you won't have time to decorate after the baby's born. How involved do most dads get with buying stuff? Hmmmm, I'd say not very

[harleyd]

my dh is always rubbish during the pregnancy bit. nothing you do will be enough, but thats just hormones usually
you dont need to run out and buy everything at once - you can make a list and suggest to people that they could choose something off it as a baby gift. or buy vouchers so you can put towards something you really want. as long as you have a pram/carseat/somewhere the baby will sleep, that all you need for the first while.
and the baby wont care what colour the room is, so that can wait till you see if its a boy or girl

[meandmy]

ask your partner what she wants etc,
i brought small bits clothes after my 20week scan then most the big stuff after 30 weeks its personal choice though!didnt get cot till after dd was born.
my dp came to check ups,scans with me he was bullied into talking to my bump reading it a story!
keeping mom to be relaxed, although its nice to be pg dont do just pg related things as its nice to do cpl things before baby arrives!
cooking back rubs you will be loved forever!
read the books etc hth

[Naetha]

I think the main thing is to be excited about the main thing that's going to change - the fact that you're going to have a new person in your life.

Buying non-essential stuff and decorating are very much secondary to the big issue, and in my opinion should be considered closer to the time!

Having said that, me and DH are very laid back - if we're lucky the nursery (currently spare/junk room) will be done by the time the little one is here . If LO decides to put in an early appearance, then I'm sure he won't mind the colour scheme and textured wallpaper as long as its a clean, safe environment.

In terms of how involved you want to be, its entirely up to you - I'd much rather my DH was interested, and (as he does) occasionally come out with snippets like which bit of the baby developed the most this week (just google however many weeks pregnant your partner is and there's a billion websites with all the info). Also a key thing is sympathy and empathy - sometimes its great being pregnant, often its uncomfortable, tiring, and makes you feel crap. At times like these you want someone to do everything else for you (without complaining!) and listen to you moan and whinge non stop about how the baby keeps on kicking your bladder when you need a wee.

Hope this helps!

[nervousdad]

Cheers guys, just needed reassurance that most men make a mess of it really coz thats what i seem to be doing even tho its exciting i seem to have trouble getting excited about buying everything.

[Mumpbump]

You don't say how far pg your other half is. They can tell you the sex of the baby at the 20/22 week scan so you might want to wait until then if you want to buy gender specific stuff. Otherwise, go for cream/neutral stuff. Personally, I'd wait until the 12 week scan to confirm that everything is okay before buying anything at all, but I have had 2 m/c, so sensitive to the risk of things not going well...

Also, you will probably find that you get lots of clothes when the baby is born so I wouldn't invest in loads yourself. How much you want to buy when is really up to you and your other half. Before ds was born, I think we had a second hand cot and mattress - bought when I was about 36 weeks pg - a sling for carrying the baby around in, two fitted sheets and one small cellular blanket for swaddling him in and some sleepsuits/vests! So you don't NEED much, imo.

[LiegeAndLief]

Re when to get things - my ds was born at 34 weeks and we had NOTHING. So it's probably a good idea to be a bit more organised than that, although if the baby is early he/she will be in SCBU for a while, and it is entirely possible to get everything you need for a new baby in one frantic dash round mothercare (I speak from experience ).

My dh made a vague attempt to be involved but he didn't really care which babygrows (or even which pushchair) we bought. Your best tactic is to nod and smile and look interested and listen to what she is saying so that you can respond with something intelligent and non-committal when she asks you what you think. What you think won't actually matter as you will be getting what she wants, but she may well want some encouragement.

Congratulations btw!

[MrsBadger]

I would say...
a) feel free to start shopping any time after the 20wk scan
b) don't bother with a 'decoration scheme' - the baby won't care in the slightest so use colours you like. And don't get sucked in by the companies who make you feel you have to buy matching curtains / lampshades / borders / quilts etc
c) as a dad you could try doing something truly useful and slightly geeky , like reading the safety reports on carseats or becoming a pushchair expert etc...

[Naetha]

I suppose it partly depends on how materialistic you and your partner are (and I don't at all mean this in a bad way, lots of people are reassured by knowing they have every eventuality covered with the top notch stuff!).

Me and DH aren't at all - we've been given 3 big bags of stuff already (including a child's lifejacket - not too sure when that's going to come in handy) and we've barely looked at it! Its not that we're ungrateful, we're just a lot more excited about the baby than the stuff that comes with it!

[nervousdad]

Mumpbump, my better half is 14/15 weeks now, first scan was fine and dandy so we know pretty much all is well. The nursery is decorated already, nice and neutral but its all the other stuff, went out and looked at sterilisers etc and bought that already along with other bits, its just knowing what to get and when, am i right to think that its still to early to go get the big bits like a cot n pram?

[MrsBadger]

steriliser?
you might not ever need one!

I'd stick to stuff you know will get used

[meandmy]

tip remeber weeks + the days !
and its never to soon to look trial, as try out you could find a bargain!

[harleyd]

some nursery shops have schemes where you can pick out your stuff and pay a deposit. they hold it till you need it and you can pay it off as and when it suits, or when you pick the stuff up. its worth remembering that if you get a pram now the guarantee is for a year from date of purchase, so you will be losing out on maybe 5 months of it before you even use it.

[Fingerbobs]

Hi Dad
I'm at 27 weeks and we (and it's definitely 'we' in my house ) are still in the process of trying to work out what to buy. What we did do, once the pregnancy was past 12 weeks or so, was set up a separate bank account and put some money into it each month so that when we do come to buy stuff we have got it ready - I'm hoping this will make it less painful to shell out when the evil day arrives. My partner is fully involved in all decorating decisions, largely on the basis that it'll be him that does it. We've decided not to have a theme but most of the tiny baby ones are gender-neutral.
My other top tip is ask ask ask - there are lots of threads on here telling you what you really need as opposed to what John Lewis et al tell you you need - it seems to be "a whole lot less", strangely enough. Get lots of catalogues though, so you can look and decide for yourselves - you might earn some brownie points, if you're looking for them, by ordering some from eg Blooming Marvellous etc (go to the 'shopping' section on mumsnet for links).
Good luck!

[Mumpbump]

Pleased to hear that all is well with the lo. Upon reflection, there is something to be said for buying stuff at around the 30 week mark. LAL makes a good point that the baby might come early, even though they won't release it from hospital until it reaches the equivalent of 37 weeks gestation, I believe. But the other reason is that when I finally decided which cot/mattress I wanted, they didn't have it in stock and the lead time was 6 weeks at a time when I was 4 weeks away from my due date. That is why I ended up getting a second-hand one! Might be worth doing a bit of looking around to see which items, if any, have a long delivery time so you can make sure you order them in plenty of time.

[nervousdad]

Thanks Guys, you have all been really helpful, Good luck to you all and if i need any further advice i will know where to come in future!!

[MitfordSisters]

Hi nervousdad, get your partner some flowers, and give her a back rub.

Naetha, maybe the lifejacket would be useful if you live on a flood plain?

[TigerFeet]

She'll also need a shopping trip for some maternity clothes

[Naetha]

Mitford - we live at the top of a very steep hill, a good 200m above the flood plain!!

I must admit though, having been rather laid back about getting stuff (haven't even looked at anything other than a car seat and buggy) I feel I really should start knuckling down and get some useful stuff bought! I've half heartedly set myself a test of seeing how long I can go without buying anything!

[vole3]

I would suggest getting a load of catalogues together eg argos, mamas & papas, woolworths big red book, blooming marvellous, boots , mothercare, thebabycatalogue etc and going through them together and making a note of things you will need and things you would like.
Put together a 'baby list' for friends, family, & work for the things you would like but don't really want to splash the cash for and let them choose. Most people would rather buy something you want than take the risk of duplicating stuff so you get the best of both worlds - deciding on what you're going to buy and getting things you'll find useful.

PS the only thing DH bought our son, without prompting, was the Leeds United football strip

[quint]

In the past I always heard bad stuff about John Lewis nursery department, but mum took me there when I was 7 months pregnant and they couldn't have been nicer and more helpful if they tried - they didn;t try and over sell (in fact with several things even said you don;t need one of those, just nice to have if you want it) and even threw in a free lunch at the cafe - OK only a sandwich and bowl of soup, but I would definitely recommend a trip there