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Got Married women pregnant:(

(121 Posts)
Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:13:27

Good evening, I know this mainly a women forum but I’m in a right mess physically and mentally and need some advice.

Right by the name of the title you will all probably judge me as I shouldn’t be going anywhere near a married women which I totally agree with now, so please hear me out.

I met a girl at my work place we clicked instantly, I knew she was taken and at the time I was in a relationship also. It became to much for us both so we started sneaking off together after work and meeting pretty regular. I really did fall for this girl she has a son who I haven’t met by the way and as I perviously stated she is married. Anyway cut the long story short, I broke up with my girlfriend as I didn’t wanna betray her anymore as she deserves so much better than me and to this day now I feel so so guilty and probably deserve what’s coming. Around March time she fell pregnant (married women) at first we didn’t know who the father was as she still was sleeping with her fella but she told him it was his child, and for 7 months he believed this was his. About 2-3 months ago we got a prenatal paternity test done and the results came back as I’m the biological father and at the time me and her was delighted. We started planning our future together and how she was gonna break up from him etc etc. They actually did separate and lived apart and this was my green light so I left the flat I was in, went back home to my parents to save money and clear some debts and also changed my job as it wasn’t paying enough .... so few months down the line she tells him the truth about everything the affair the pregnancy everything, and honestly I cannot believe this, after he took it all in he still wants to stay together with her after all the lies and cheating and carrying another mans baby and letting to think it’s his when he told his whole family just don’t understand. And now she is telling me she wants the same and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. Also telling I cannot meet her for the MAT B1 form so I can give to work and this is from her words ... “I’m sick of the lying and I believe it’s not appropriate to meet” .... excuse me after everything we been through, all I asked for was a copy of the form so I can support you and baby. I cannot believe this and I’m in this mess this is what you get for crossing the line but still It’s pretty heartbreaking and disgusting by her, she led me on all this time for over one year we was seeing each other and now we are having a child and he will be bringing up my daughter and also he has told me I can’t go to the her house as he wants me no where near his son which I totally get but it’s still my child and I have every right to be there no matter the circumstances. To be honest I’m just so scared that they will move very far from me and I will not see her at all. The behaviour from this girl is absolutely mind blowing it’s like she is totally a different women but this is life I spouse, all my actions and decisions I made for nothing.

Hard for anyone to probably answer this but I’m really confused on what to do.

Do I go to labour with her? And support her which if I’m honest with you I don’t really want to as she is evil and doesn’t deserve nothing from me.

Should I speak to her husband? Even tho he probably wants to kick my head in.

I even thought if this is really what they both want maybe he can adopt her and then they can still have there “happy family” because the way I’m feeling right now I don’t want anything to do with this women anymore she has broken me completely.

Please don’t judge me on the last one but I thought deeply about it and yes it’s one hell of a decision to make but in a situation like this maybe it would be better for the child to brought up in the family and he to adopt her as I think things will get really messy and as i said I’m so scared to be not involved and it will kill me so if that’s the case then I’d prefer him to take full custody of her and let me live my life.

I have not made any decisions as of yet just wanted to hear some people’s opinions and thoughts.

Thanks for reading it’s a long one

Honeybee85 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:18:39

What a messy situation you’re in!
I know many posters will say it’s your own fault but I think this doesn’t only affect you, your unborn daughter has the right to know the truth about her father.

No practical advice for you other then find yourself a lawyer who can advise you about your rights in this situation.

SonEtLumiere Tue 10-Dec-19 04:19:00

No you do not go to the Labour.

What do you think should happen? What do you want?

Honeybee85 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:21:17

Oh and don’t go near their home uninvited, do not go in any circumstances trying to attend the birth.
That’s why you should speak to a lawyer, you could get in legal trouble as well if you keep approaching them.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:26:05

So you do not think I should attend labour? She has actually told me I’m more than welcome to attend and she will tell me once her water breaks. I’m so lost i have no idea what is the right decision in this mess.

Honeybee85 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:27:45

So she tells you to stay away and her husband might attack you but you’re welcome to attend the birth?

Sadiesnakes Tue 10-Dec-19 04:30:04

🙄

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:30:47

SonEtLumiere ... I’m surprised you said not to go to labour, I feel stupid now a little as I have told my job about it but that can be changed. I have no idea what I want anymore I thought I did but the way she is behaving is she doesn’t want me around and it kills me, all I wanted to do was be there for my child but this seems like it’s gonna be a big issue as I cannot even go and see her, I do not drive also so this is a problem. Also he is gonna call all the shots for her now as she is the one who messed up bad and will probably do anything to keep him happy now so I feel like I’m gonna be pushed away.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:32:11

Well he mit not attack me but from what I think how can he be a happy bunny with me after I was with his wife it’s probably normal for him to be angry with me and not wanna see me. Yes she said I can go labour, really don’t know what to do here

Honeybee85 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:34:52

I still think you need to speak to a lawyer before you decide or do anything.

In your shoes would be more concerned about what’s going to happen after the baby is born.
For example whom’s name is going to be on the birth certificate.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:38:55

I think this is probably the correct decision, I actually never thought about going to a lawyer if I’m honest with you.

I agree I should but she is due in less than 2 weeks so I don’t have a lot of time and again I really don’t know if to attend labour is killing my brain cells. I want to go as it’s my child and it’s a one in a lifetime experience but at the same time she will need support from me while delivering and I don’t think she deserves that from me honestly, yes it’s about the child but still and then after labour she is gonna take my daughter home and live a happy life with her husband, bloody hurts man but my own stupid fault

Honeybee85 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:45:18

Make an appointment with a lawyer, if it’s after the birth so be it.

If she really wants you to be there when the moment is there and you’re sure it won’t create any unsafe situation for her and for you (given her husband’s understandable anger about what happened) then you can consider going there.
But I would let her initiate it, if she wants you there, she’ll send you a message when the time comes. Let her know you’ll be waiting for that and she shouldn’t feel any pressure to still let you attend if she changes her mind. It’s all about her at that time and stressful situations can negatively affect the labour proces.

Gingerkittykat Tue 10-Dec-19 04:50:25

When did she say you could go to the labour? Was it before or after you split up?

She can legally have the husband registered as the father since the law assumes a husband is the father, you would have to contest this legally to get rights and responsibilities towards the child.

Is it possible to talk to her about the issues of registering the birth and if she wants you in the child's life?

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:53:36

I will do.

I’m not sure if she wants me there or not to be honest. She only agreed because I told her to not take this away from me and I was quite forceful with my words, but the bottom line is it’s her decision. Also as I said I know it’s a special moment but your right if it’s gonna bring a lot unsettled ness and negativity then maybe it’s best I don’t attend. Only way to find out is to speak to her. I do appreciate your views and reply’s thank you so much.

Bluerussian Tue 10-Dec-19 04:57:02

She's certainly giving you mixed messages, getting back with husband who will presumably bring your child up as his, yet telling you you can go to the labour ward with you.

Frankly, I think the best thing would be for she and her husband and son to move miles away and leave you behind, as long as he is going to be a good dad.

What a tangled web you have woven! Couldn't you have been careful?

Oh well, what's done is done but it's pretty awful. You sound very, very young btw.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 04:58:48

@Gingerkittykat She said both, before and after, but after today’s conversation when I asked for the MAT B1 form the impression I got was she didn’t wanna give me it and she said her husband doesn’t want me to meet her what is ridiculous as I’m still the father, so this where all my doubts are coming from he words and behaviour.

Last time we spoke about registering was before we spilt so I have no idea what she’s gonna do, after this I wouldn’t be surprised with any actions she makes. I really need to speak with her again and find out truly want she wants. But again I know pregnancy is not easy and she is not herself so I actually don’t know if il get the answers I need.

stellabelle Tue 10-Dec-19 04:59:32

he has told me I can’t go to the her house as he wants me no where near his son which I totally get but it’s still my child and I have every right to be there no matter the circumstances

Sorry but you don't have " every right" at all. Your only rights are that that you are the parent of her unborn baby , and once it is born and old enough, you can apply to see the baby , and later to have time with the baby . But you don't have the right to go to the labour, and you don't have the right to go to her and her husband's home.

I'd stay in contact with the woman, but don't get any bright ideas about enforcing your "rights".

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 05:06:13

@Bluerussian should I go labour?

it’s hard to except but this has came across my mind for them to live there life and il live mine. Because this situation is a complete mess. Maybe il regret it in the future but as of right now it’s definitely a option. Just so lost, scared, confused my own stupidity.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 05:08:08

I would never inforce my rights, she has gave me permission to go to labour if I want, not sure if that’s changed will find out soon but never have I even thought about doing anything unnecessary and bad, I just came here for some advice.

Skittlesandbeer Tue 10-Dec-19 05:12:37

Well it sounds as though this woman and her husband have decided to repair their relationship, so you can assume he’ll be at the birth, no?

I can’t see it working with both of you there, even if it is half your kid.

Check out your legal situation (not to make it a contest, just to know).

The lesson is you really never know what’s really going on in a marriage. Even if you think you know one of the participants really well. Family, history, parenting together. Those are very strong forces. Bigger sometimes than falling for someone outside the marriage.

Hope you find a way to have contact with your kid down the track. I wouldn’t expect these two to facilitate it in any way. I’m afraid you’ve ended up an inconvenient little secret, for the moment.

MiniGuinness Tue 10-Dec-19 05:15:17

You don’t really sound like much of a catch, so she probably thinks she is better off with her husband. Poor fucker though (although I bet the baby is actually his, did you actually see the results?)

JolieOBrien Tue 10-Dec-19 05:17:42

I feel so sorry for her husband and he must love her a lot to stick with her. I think she has made her choice by staying with her husband and you need to back off now.

JolieOBrien Tue 10-Dec-19 05:18:29

@Craig21

Always use a condom in future!

GiveHerHellFromUs Tue 10-Dec-19 05:21:09

Have you got proof that the baby is yours? This sounds like such a messed up situation.

Do you want to be a dad?
If you do I think both you and she need to grow up a little here and act sensibly.

You don't need the be at the birth. The only reason a woman needs her partner at the birth is for moral support and you're not gong to make the situation easier for her by being there.

What you do need to do is sit down together (ideally with the husband there too if he's going to bring up your baby) and discuss birth certificate, contact times - she will have to be there for a long time, you won't get time alone with baby for a couple of years, child maintenance.

You need to work with both of them and be respectful of the fact they're trying to mend their relationship and he is going to raise your baby. Remember he has done nothing wrong here, the poor sod.

Craig21 Tue 10-Dec-19 05:21:59

I have backed off, I’m just trying to find out what is best for me and baby, I couldn’t care less about there relationship.

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