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Pregnancy after multiple miscarriages

(20 Posts)
Frazzlerock Mon 02-Dec-19 09:46:28

Morning, I've just found out I'm pregnant again after TTC for over a year since our last loss.

I'm not sure how to feel. I really want to be excited, but I can't. We've waited so long for this to happen, but it could all be over at any point.
We've had to say goodbye three times over the past almost 4 years, and I was really positive in my last pregnancy but the baby still died.

Is anyone else pregnant again after multiple miscarriages? How do you get through each day?

I feel like we've crossed the first huge hurdle (again) but have a long way to go for the next hurdle, if we ever get there...

Nanmumandmidwife Mon 02-Dec-19 15:03:42

Congratulations- it is wonderful that you are pregnant! How many weeks are you?
I do understand that this is a very frightening and confusing time - you want to be positive but your experience means that you know things can and do go wrong.
A few hospitals offer specialist support for women in your situation, and there are private midwives (like me) who can offer additional support in combination with NHS services. Which area are you in?
Sending love xx

LividLaughLove Mon 02-Dec-19 15:25:33

Yes. 24 weeks now after 3 mcs.

It gets easier, but the fear never goes. I've found scans especially terrifying. All those people going in blasé like they know for a fact everything will be fine - I was sad for myself that I'd never enjoy that innocence.

Now I can feel him move, it's a bit better. Except when he goes quiet for a while and I start to worry.

I wish you all the best.

Frazzlerock Mon 02-Dec-19 16:24:39

Hi @Nanmumandmidwife thank you. It doesn't seem real as it has been so long since our last loss. We had started talking about IVF. I only found out this morning so have worked out I am 4+3weeks.
I'm actually under the care of a RMC since our 3rd baby died, so I left a message with our consultant's secretary this morning, but not heard back yet.
I'm thinking I might speak to the GP about teaming me up with Tommys baby charity instead as I don't find my consultant very empathetic and often feel a bit of a fool when I've seen her in the past. We are based in Sevenoaks.

@LividLaughLove I'm sorry to read about your MCs but amazing you've got so far in this pregnancy. I've only ever got as far as 9 weeks with our last three babies so it's going to be a nervy time until then, at the very least. I really hope all goes well for you

VenusStarr Mon 02-Dec-19 17:50:16

Congratulations @Frazzlerock. I have had 2 missed miscarriages and am under a Tommy's rmc (just had our initial tests). I just wanted to jump on and say I'm so happy for you as I recognise your name.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

Fredsgirl19 Mon 02-Dec-19 17:55:09

Just wanted to jump on and say congrats. I also recognise your name.

Having had numerous miscarriages and now waiting for IVF I can relate to how you feel but please try to remember that every pregnancy is different and it’s important to treat it so.

I’m sure you will be nervous and it’s going to be hard but I have everything crossed for you. Good luck x

Frazzlerock Mon 02-Dec-19 18:30:14

Thank you @Fredsgirl19 and @VenusStarr

You're right, every pregnancy is different. This one feels totally different for some reason.

@VenusStarr were you referred to Tommy's by your GP? I seem to remember that's the process but I've just looked on their website and can't find anything about it.

VenusStarr Mon 02-Dec-19 18:36:35

I hope the pregnancy feeling different is a positive sign @Frazzlerock

I was referred by my fertility consultant as we also experienced nearly 18 months ttc before my first pregnancy. Your GP can definitely refer directly to Tommy's. X

zurala Mon 02-Dec-19 18:48:45

I had five losses (and one liveborn from my second pregnancy) and when I was pregnant with my son (7th pregnancy) I got antenatal depression because I was so scared.
Even giving birth I was convinced I was birthing a dead baby. I just couldn't imagine having a live baby.

My advice is get counselling. I ended up with pnd and in a really bad way. I wish I'd just sorted out a professional to talk to through my pregnancy as I think it would have made a huge difference.

Aneley Tue 03-Dec-19 03:28:46

3MCs+1MMC. Now in week 38, counting the days until we meet our little girl. I don't know how I survived the first trimester. In my mind, this pregnancy can be divided in several stages of anxiety.
5-9w (when we had an early scan) when I was denying the pregnancy. 'It won't stick', 'It will end up in tears'.
9-12w when I was terrified of the MMC.
12-16w when I was terrified of Down/Patau/Edwards or just something generally going really wrong.
16-20 when I was anxious whether there will be a severe anomaly with the baby.

It all started easing off after 20w scan and it got progressively better once I felt her move. I still have fears and am struggling to imagine myself coming out of this with an actual baby but what helped were frequent scans (we paid for a few extra for reassurance), counselling and my DHs constant support. The best advice I can give is do it day by day. Don't think too far ahead but rejoice in every single day that ends well. Those are the things that got me this far. Good luck!!!

Frazzlerock Tue 03-Dec-19 10:03:58

@VenusStarr I've just read that Tommys don't take you if you've 2 or more previous live births. I have two DC from my previous marriage so I guess that counts me out sad

@zurala that must have been awful for you. I will find out about counselling, thank you.

@Aneley I think that is what I'll end up doing. Our MMCs were at 9 weeks so that time is going to be the most stressful for us/me. Also, I'm now 40 so I also have the added fear of a severe anomaly.

I'm just going to take everyday as it comes. I wish I could just forget about it until I can have a bit more certainty that I will finally hold my rainbow baby. But I desperately want to be excited and enjoy what is most likely going to be my final pregnancy sad

Fredsgirl19 Tue 03-Dec-19 10:12:45

That’s a shame about Tommy’s but perhaps your local EPU could offer support by regular scans. With my fourth miscarriage I was scanned every two weeks by my EPU. It depends how you feel - you might find scans reassuring or you might find that you want to stay as positive as possible - trust that this one will stick and and wait until maybe 8 weeks or so for an early reassurance scan

Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly Tue 03-Dec-19 10:30:50

I recognise your name too @frazzle. I am currently 8+3 after 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth. I know the absolute terror all too well sad I have a scan on Friday evening and u am honestly so desperate for it not to be the same old bad news I'm used to.

Frazzlerock Tue 03-Dec-19 10:46:58

@Fredsgirl19 yeah, I'm under a RMC but I'm not keen on our consultant. She will scan me regularly so I have that. But I just wanted someone with a bit more empathy. I've been to see her a few times since we lost our little boy and I've come away feeling a bit downtrodden. Last time I went for a follow up appointment as I'd not seen her or heard anything since May and we'd not conceived in a year - I thought she would be able to help or advise us. She said she didn't know why I was there and she can't help me and to go and speak to my GP. I just felt a bit lost after that. Also, previously I took along some research which detailed methods to help avoid MC and she kind of smirked at me like she's heard it all before. I felt really stupid. I'm not sure if I want her to be helping us now, but beggars can't be choosers.
I've still not heard from her secretary and I left a message yesterday morning.
I'm not sure how I feel about scans tbh. I know I will want them, but they only show that things are okay in that moment. It's a tough one isn't it.

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly I am sending you loads of luck for your scan. It's so hard to remain positive isn't it. I was positive in our last pregnancy and forced myself to believe it would work out, but it didn't.
Even the sonographers were surprised as we had seen a heartbeat previously. They even asked why I was there being scanned if I'd seen a heartbeat already. They then apologised.

MrsEG Tue 03-Dec-19 11:19:16

Hi OP, congratulations! I had three losses back to back; was also under the RMC when I fell pregnant again. I am now 28 weeks with twins. Do call your consultant - mine was wonderful with me and gave me a few things to help me along (but saying this my blood work showed I had a few issues). The anxiety is horrible in the early weeks but I agree with another poster after 20 weeks it starts to ease and you can enjoy it. I’ll keep everything crossed for you x

Frazzlerock Tue 03-Dec-19 13:57:09

Thank you @MrsEG. Congrats on your twins!!
I think you're right, I will need to call my consultant's secretary again. I just hate chasing when this is such an important time for me.
Maybe its an NHS thing?

I'm now getting sporadic sharp pains on both sides. Trying to tell myself they're stretching pains. They seem to come when I exert myself - like walking fast, which I do without realising and I've just done a 25 min walk.

It would be really nice if I could just pick up the phone and ask my consultant for reassurance. But her secretary doesn't even ring back hmm

Aneley Tue 03-Dec-19 14:35:33

If it is of any comfort - I had stretching pains (almost cramps) until 10w and even after sporadically in this pregnancy.

Frazzlerock Tue 03-Dec-19 16:01:10

Thank you @Aneley yes that does help smile

I've finally got in contact with my consultant's secretary and she is booking me in for my first scan the week before Xmas when I'll be between 6-7 weeks. Advised me to wait to take aspirin until we see a heartbeat and to contact her if I have any bleeding and they'll start me on progesterone. Now I feel like something is being done.
Just got to book in with my GP now I guess.

strawberrye Tue 03-Dec-19 16:25:35

@Frazzlerock hey just wanted to say best of luck for this pregnancy, I recognise your name from the boards and really hope this is your rainbow. I also have had 3 consecutive miscarriages and am now 26 weeks with hopefully our rainbow baby. The anxiety in early pregnancy after loss, particularly multiple loss, is excruciating and I don't think there's much you can do about it to be honest. In my experience the anxiety never really goes away but it does get easier to deal with as time goes on.

The only coping mechanisms I found helped were breaking time down into small milestones, regular acupuncture and regular scans. That and repeating "this is a different pregnancy, a different sperm, a different egg, and there is no reason why it can't be successful" and other positive pregnancy mantras. Normally I find that kind of stuff a bit mumbo jumbo but it was quite grounding when the anxiety spun out of control.

Frazzlerock Wed 04-Dec-19 08:17:10

Thanks so much @strawberrye Very helpful! smile
Congratulations on getting so far and wishing you loads of luck too

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