I'm all to cock today, feeling horrible, doubting whether I really want a baby (I'm 18 weeks), not having a frigging clue how I am going to cope with being a mother and just sobbing at everything from seeing baby pictures to the way the dog barks.
How do you know when doubt is real doubt and not just hormone-induced madness?
Gawd, I think I just need to be reminded why all this is going to be worthwhile.
Scampy, sorry you are down. Try imagining the worst case scenario (ie, losing the baby) and how do you feel? I bet you feel sick and devastated at even the simplest thought of it, which shows that of course you want the baby, and of course it is just crappy hormones making you feel this way.
So many women worry about becoming mothers, and the majority do just fine. Which is exactly what will happen for you!
On the whole I'm cool - I wonder every day about the sort of mother I'll make but always feel that I'll do OK one way or another (even if I am shitting myself). Then today I just went orff the rails. I just want to hand the bump over to someone else and bugger off to join the circus/ live in the Hindu Kush/ hide in a cave.
It's bloody madness isn't it? I've just started feeling the baby kick and it's amazing. And last night it was quiet on the kick front (nights are the busiest) so I'm hoping that all is still well. (Lumme! It just kicked while I typed that line!) So on one hand I want the baby to be Ok and on the other I doubt if I want to be a mother. Like I said, I'm all to cock.
Can't I just have the epidural now? Like, from the brain down?
hey Scampy, I totally hear you.
I'm at almost 20wks with my first and regularly think that I may be making a big mistake having a baby when I'm really perfectly happy with the rest of my life. I'm not getting that maternal cluckiness at all, and I'm almost dreading getting to the size where it's obvious to everyone that I'm pregnant. I'm constantly imagining how I"m going to fit a baby into my life or if my life is really going to have to completely change... which would suck as I quite like my life now.
I'm just working with the idea that once it pops out and it's a real person, my perspective will change. Fingers crossed it does otherwise we could be in trouble!
Having a baby for me was much more of a long term strategy than just having a baby, if you know what I mean. I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
I'm definitely with you though scampy - me and DH were having all sorts of doubts in some of the earlier stages, despite this being a planned and very much wanted pregnancy - it just all seems so daunting. Somethings I think maybe it would be better if I miscarried (turns around 3 times, touches wood etc etc) because then I'd be able to get my life back.
I regularly thing WTF am I doing! I can't have a baby! And then I talk to a friend or something and she tells me about how her now 18 month old DD makes her laugh until she cries almost every day, and it all seems worth it.