Hormones and aggression

[custard1]

Help!

I am mostly very happy and content, however have been completely losing it with my husband lately and have been very aggressive since being pregnant. Is this normal and any advice on what I can do?

[kyala]

Yup it's normal GRRRR LOL
I've had awful hormone rampages this time round and sat DH down and explained that, even if I'm not making a lot of sense or am being completely irrational and unreasonable, he's just going to have to do the whole "nod the head and agree with me" bit, he doesn't have to actually agree with me on certain things but just keep his cool if I start on him etc (he has since taken up smoking again to cope with silly things like me chucking him out of the house etc but he's going to stop again in time for baby's arrival, so I'm trying to keep calm about that in return)

It will make things a lot easier if you just have a sit down and, even through floods of tears, he should get it!

If that doesn't help too much try and find someone in your area that has already been through it and get the husband/partner to talk to him (maybe invite the couple round for lunch and have the guys go off for a chat while you and the woman goo-goo over her baby?!!) This might be a bit more difficult if you don't already know someone but you might get lucky and just bump into someone in town or something, go on be brave and just ask them?!! The worst they can do is spray you in the face with mace/pepper spray

[dal21]

How far along are you?

I remember the first trimester being quite tough. I was tired, had brain fog and hormones were all over the place. I would find myself feeling irrationally irritable towards my DH for no good reason whatsoever and really made an effort to not actually vent on him.

I eventually figured out that my frustration and irritability was because I was (a) feeling very scared and overwhelmed and (b) feeling frustrated with myself that the tiredness was so crippling. Fear + irritation with myself = wanting to lash out at person nearest to me.

I made sure I talked to DH. Told him how i felt and also warned him when I wasnt feeling great - and he would give me my space. Once that happened, everything got a lot easier!

Sorry, long post, but hope that helps!

[kyala]

HeeHee hey Dal, my post is bigger than your's
xxx

[dal21]

LOL Kyala - fighting talk! Shall we see who wins on the bump front! Bet mines bigger than yours!

Oh and custard - second what kyala says. Your DH has to not rise/ respond/ bite on the occasions when you do say something.

[kyala]

Ah yes Your bump could easily take mine as I've put on laods of weight all over so bump is growing in proportion to the rest of the body that makes up this hippo!!

Custard, I just, basically, repeated this whole topic to my DH and he smiled at me and said "Yes dear!" This is now the most stated sentence in our house (even my 2 yo DD says this to me LOL)

It just makes things easier on both parties if this sentence is said (although not too regularly as you will end up battering him for just saying it LOL)

[dal21]

Ah we are glowing and pregnant! What is this talk of hippos???

[PurpleLostPrincess]

Whilst at my parents the other day my DH made a statement to my dad:

"I've learnt that when asked to do something by my darling wife, the response should always be 'yes dear' and to act immediately - it works a treat!"

Enough said really!

[custard1]

Thank you for that. I am 24weeks and seem to have got more hormonal over the last 8 weeks than before.

My husband is really understanding - it's my own guilt about how horrid I can be that frustrates and upsets me. I agree though that fear and feeling overwhelmed has a huge part to play.

I sometimes feel like a right nutter!!! LOL

[dal21]

custard - be warned that in about 4-8 weeks, you get another surge of hormones. It hit me out of the blue and was only when i read that on mumsnet somewhere I realised that i wasnt going mad!
dont feel guilty - waste of energy. Pregnancy can be very tough and sounds as though your DH is doing what he needs to do!

LOL at all the 'Yes dears'

[Onmywayout]

I need some women's perspectives on my problem. My wife is seven months pregnant. We have three kids under six, a house that I remodeled myself after the fridge was leaking for several weeks (still not finished two years later with trim that needs staining and walls that need painting), I'm doing my MBA which takes a good 25 hrs a week and I'm the only one working. I have no outlets, no space in my house to get away from anything. I'm snapping at the kids all the time and I have no patience for anything. I'm constantly criticized for being a f lazy a in front of the kids for still not having finished the house. When she goes to Starbuck's to read for three hours on a Saturday morning, she comes back accusing me of being lazy and good for nothing because I didn't do in three hours what she didn't do all week, which is clean the house. Even without being pregnant, she has an expectation that I'll be able to clean the house and watch the kids while she's away. She'll start attacking and it will go on all day, despite my repeated attempts asking her to stop. I'll have my weekends tied up watching the kids or studying, leaving no time to work on the house and then I get attacked for not making progress. I feel like I'm being set up to fail. It's at the point that I want nothing to do with her and I'm ready for a divorce. When you are all making jokes about snapping at your husbands from the hormones, is it on this scale?

[Marmiteisyummy]

No. Not that scale. Not at all.
I'm sorry but I think you and your wife may need to consider some counselling, it sounds like you've to to the point where outside help will be needed. I believe relate are very good.
Good luck trying to resolve this and keep your family together.

[Longtalljosie]

what she didn't do all week, which is clean the house

Well actually - I bet she did or with three children under six (and 7 months pregnant) you wouldn't be able to open the door.

There's no excuse for her using that language around the children - but if you divorced you'd have to clean your own house and launder all your clothes, cook all your meals etc.

I know how much work an MBA is. But you need to sit down and work out who really has the lion's share of the free time - and make sure it really is equal. There's obviously massive resentment there. Women who are pregnant slow down - they get very tired, very easily. It's the way it is. And since it's your (plural your) child - you both have to make it work - which should include you taking up some of the slack.

[Onmywayout]

-what she didn't do all week, which is clean the house- Ha! I knew that one wasn't well worded. My point isn't that she should keep the house clean, but how am I supposed to work magic in three hours that can't be worked in a week? I was speaking relative to her expectations when she walks through the door. I don't complain about the condition of the house and would appreciate the same when she comes home.

I really have no problem cleaning or doing laundry, etc... I already do a lot of that anyway when I find the time. Frequently, there's no dinner when I come home from work and I just make it for everyone.

Considering that I put the kids to bed at 7:30 and they stop finding excuses to get up by 8:00, she has every evening free to watch all her shows while I study, so I'd say she has pretty much all the free time. I'm fine with that, especially since she needs to rest; I just don't need to be called a lazy a.

But, I digress. I think you've answered my original question. Thanks!