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Feel like it’s all too much after miscarriage

(5 Posts)
Beckcross Wed 14-Aug-19 21:18:14

So starting at the start, in brief... I’m 40 been married 1 year and while I was on holiday in Spain for our anniversary last month I started feeling generally unwell, nausea, headache, nose bleeds and low stomach cramps. I got home after the holiday and 2 days later I was on a plane again to work abroad for 10 days. Still feeling generally ‘sicky’ I was on my own in a foreign country working and feeling so unbelievably tired I went to see the island doctor who confirmed I was pregnant.
I’m not going to lie, the room spun in front of my eyes, there was no plan to have babies, I even had a contraceptive implant in my arm, but had been in too long as it turns out.
I had another 5 days to get through before I left to go home so I had time to think and I started getting excited. My husband picked me up from the he airport and when we got home we crashed on the bed and snuggled and I told him I was pregnant. It took him 10 seconds but he smiled the biggest smile and told me it was brilliant news.
I had appointment after appointment the next week from doctors to removing my implant, blood tests and a midwife appointment, then came my scan where we were told there was no heartbeat sad
It was the saddest moment I have experienced, there was no prelude to becoming pregnant then we both got so excited that it had happened, then a week later it’s all over.
I am self employed so I could take time off for the D&C and recover but that itself means I have not worked much and I’m now feeling the financial pinch of the last few weeks.
I just feel so low and lost all hope and all confidence too.
We have made plans to try for a baby once I’m through the miscarriage but it’s all an agonising waiting game and I am having trouble concentrating on working and earning money, so it feels like I’m spiralling.
I guess I just want to vent but I don’t have any friends who live close to me, my husband is amazing, I mean really great, so there’s only so much moaning and feeling sorry for myself I can put on him as he is such a positive and supportive person. I’m fine when he is around but if he has to work late or go away for the weekend I’m lost...

I’m worried about everything... from work to money and the wait to get through this miscarriage before we can try and get pregnant again, I feel like my heart is set on it now but I feel so low I’m doubting I’ll even be any good as a mother.
I know it’s my emotions and hormones being all over the place and I can tell myself that but it doesn’t stop the feelings of doubt, anxiety and generally feeling blue.

I’m 40 and hoping now to get pregnant which wasn’t on my radar 2 months ago!
The odds are stacked against me I’m sure...so I want to TTC as soon as possible which my husband has agreed with but his first thought was to wait until January as we are going on our honeymoon to Thailand at the end of December... I’m so torn as to what to do I just want to be pregnant again and everything go well this time.

Em39ma Wed 14-Aug-19 21:39:30

Just wanted you know your not alone.
Last September at 39, I was on the pill, never missed a dose and I too started to feel unwell. I was pregnant. We had only been together since April, but like you we were over the moon after the shock.
Had have an early scan as had know idea how far along I was.
Like you know heartbeat and in my case they couldn’t find the sack either.
I started to miscarry the following week and thought it was over after about 3 days.
Was ok for a week, then I started to feel very unwell, turns out my pregnancy was in a tube and managed to pass it myself.
My body went into shock, and a traumatic reaction to the miscarriage.
I was very poorly for a few weeks, kept crying thinking I must of done something wrong, I hadn’t but it’s how I felt.
Started feel myself again around Christmas.
On 1st February day after my 40th birthday we picked up our new puppy. A week later I found I was pregnant again.
I’m now 30 weeks pregnant and having a few pregnancy problems, but I would of had these even if I wasn’t older.
It will happen again and you will worry, but it gets better and everything starts to feel right again.

Beckcross Wed 14-Aug-19 22:01:57

@Em39ma thank you for your reply and I’m so happy that you are pregnant again and nearly there.
Honestly my world has been turned upside down in the space of a month, I just don’t know how I’m feeling except that I really wanted this baby and the fact that my husband has felt the same excitement then grief and it was him who first said ‘this is obviously what we want so let’s try properly when we can’ just makes it feel so much better - so with that decision also comes the feelings of guilt for feeling like we want to move on.
He has no worries that we will get pregnant straight away if we did in the first place without trying and with the implant working against us, I’m just nervous I guess, but I am still bleeding atm and I get anaemic quite easily...I know my mood dips with this.
Feels like I’m stuck in limbo and I hate not being in control!

I cannot wait for the next few weeks so I can get my body back to normal and start our new plans.

Em39ma Wed 14-Aug-19 22:31:09

We said the same, if I can fall on the pill, then I should be able to easily off it.
I was in and out of hospital for about 6 weeks, which didn’t help my mood.
I told myself in the end it wasn’t a baby yet, just cells and it happened for reason. Thinking about it medically helped, but it is always at the back of your mind.
It gets easier.

EscapeTheOrdinary Thu 15-Aug-19 10:56:43

I’m sorry for your loss flowers don’t put pressure on yourselves by expecting to fall pregnant again straight away. Focus on the fact you both can because you have but it may take more than a couple of cycles which is pretty standard.

I think it’s perfectly natural to worry about money and work when babies are considered. I would recommend looking into financial support available such as maternity allowance before hand so you have a realistic way of working out finances.

One thing I would say is if your going to Thailand there is the risk of zika virus so you might want to consider looking into the tests for when your back as otherwise your generally advised to wait 6 months before It may also be worth booking in for your vaccines if there are any as soon as possible so you can ask the nurse about risks and being pregnant before hand so you have all the facts. I went to a dengue fever area whilst in the first trimester (which is also present in Thailand) and used plenty of deet free mosquito repellent and didn’t get bitten once so make sure you protect yourself if you are pregnant or planning on ttc

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