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Bonding with baby - when and how?

(17 Posts)
Leleophants Fri 19-Jul-19 17:34:58

Six months and dont feel.crazily attached. Obviously I care but dont really see the baby as real yet and don't have all that rush of love I always assumed Id have sad anyone else experience this?

I still can't feel the baby and feel weird talking to it.

LaurenSarah22 Fri 19-Jul-19 17:40:06

I think that's completely normal. How do you feel when you have scans, does it make you feel happy ?? I think it's hard to get attached to something you cant hold. I had a tough pregnancy so I hated being pregnant and couldn't wait for it to end

Bambamber Fri 19-Jul-19 18:11:57

Don't worry, not everyone feels attached during pregnancy. It's the same straight after birth, many women expect to have an overwhelming rush of love but that simply doesn't always happen. It can take a little while for that special bond to form

Lweji Fri 19-Jul-19 18:20:59

Definitely wait until it's born.
Even then, don't expect a huge rush. They tend to grow on us. grin

shouldntbeonhereagain Fri 19-Jul-19 18:37:18

Don’t worry. I always found it tricky to take bonding seriously with the bumps. This is my fourth pregnancy now (6 months) and same again! In fact , am afraid to say I didn’t instantly bond with the babies either. I just felt overwhelmingly relieved that they were safe and out! It’s now that I feel love for them (7,5,3!) You will get there, don’t expect anything in particular to happen. Each one is special person and relates to you in a personal way, that takes time - just relax!

Leleophants Fri 19-Jul-19 18:49:16

I hope so! I've always been emotional about other people's bumps but cant seem fo feel the same about my own blush

I feel happy when I have scans but all just seems a bit surreal really and sometimes don't think about it at all and just feel a bit selfish tbh!

Bol87 Fri 19-Jul-19 19:31:02

Don’t worry at all. I felt very little bond with my bump. I think because I had a rough pregnancy, at times I resented being pregnant at all. I happy at the scans, excited even but it was incredibly surreal. Two years later, the idea I was pregnant still seems surreal!

I also wasn’t one to have the rush of incredible love when she was born. If anything, I felt a bit shell shocked! I felt love & the need to care for her but not this dramatic emotion people talk about. I’d say it took me 4/5 weeks to suddenly understand what people were talking about.. around when she first smiled. I just realised one day that I loved her more than anything & burst into tears about it! My daughter is now two & I’m a fiercely proud parent grin

Yogagirl123 Fri 19-Jul-19 19:38:50

I couldn’t believe I would have a real life baby when I was having my two, but I was one of the lucky ones and the bond was instant as soon as they were born and in my arms.

SoyDora Fri 19-Jul-19 19:40:48

To be honest I don’t really think it’s possible to ‘bond’ with someone you haven’t met. I certainly never bonded with my unborn babies, and I have a fantastic bond with all three children.

Cannyhandleit Fri 19-Jul-19 19:43:01

I was never a big bump talker as I found it a bit odd, no issue bonding once they arrived though!

Falafel19 Fri 19-Jul-19 19:45:20

OK first of all the fabled rush of love is meant to be at birth, not during pregnancy, but even that's bullshit! Don't worry about it, you don't have to bond with your own stomach I think all of that is just nonsense.

avocadoincident Fri 19-Jul-19 19:48:49

It's too abstract at this point for anything to feel real. I didn't feel a rush of love on sight of the baby at first. I was in shock. But love comes quickly and soon you'll be a lioness!

Zebrasinpyjamas Fri 19-Jul-19 20:35:53

I felt different in each but with dc1 I couldn't really imagine actually being a parent so it didn't feel real. I loved him as soon as he was born though.
Dc2 felt attached from the start of pregnancy.
Dc3 I had an early scare which impacted my feelings. I was in denial until a week or two post partum which I think was a protection mechanism 'just incase'.

In summary, don't worry too much now , just take everything as it comes. All the best!

Greenolivesorblackolives Fri 19-Jul-19 20:40:33

dont really see the baby as real yet

I didn’t even consider the baby was real once she was here. I cried ‘I can’t believe it’s an actual baby’ when she was placed on me. the midwife looked at me like I was batty.
Don’t worry op. It’s hard to imagine loving something you can’t see and know so little about.

luckyorange Fri 19-Jul-19 20:51:30

I agree with many here...never felt a huge overwhelming rush especially when still pregnant. I was very excited and thought about them a lot but it wasn't until I could see and hold them that it felt real. The first few weeks with the baby were a blur but now the bond and love is huge!!

Pipandmum Fri 19-Jul-19 20:54:32

You’ll bond with your baby as you take care of him/her. I didn’t experience the ‘rush of love’ - I was too terrified at what I had done! But your love grows as your baby does.

nameshelp Fri 19-Jul-19 21:14:13

I have two children and felt a vague affection towards the 'bump' when I was pregnant but nothing more, I suffered a lot of anxiety and it helped me to remain detached from the baby in case something went wrong.

Even when they were born I didn't get that rush of love for DS1 until he was about six weeks old. Don't get me wrong, I loved and cared for him but not the big 'rush' people go on about. Being honest, I took even longer for DS2 and I can't even remember it happening but he's two now and I can't get enough of him, he's the most beautiful boy.

For me I think I need to get to know them a bit as people before I feel that deep love, and that's fine. I'm pregnant now and I expect it will be the same.

Don't worry, you are totally normal. The baby is an abstract thing until it's born and even then, hormones and the shock of becoming a parent can mean it takes a while to really feel it.

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