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Social services saying I'm not fit to be a mother

(54 Posts)
rosie1998 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:23:32

Hi mothers and fathers
I'm currently 6 months pregnant my partner left me last week . Social service have been doing assessment on me and my ex ... So the assessment has come back basically saying I'm not fit to be a mother ... This child is all iv ever wanted and now I'm scared that once the little mad is here they will take it off me . Which I really don't want ... I mean no mother would want her children taken off her . Has anyone been in the Same situation as this if Soo please give me some advice

ballsdeep Fri 19-Jul-19 16:24:16

What reasons have the given x

Nesssie Fri 19-Jul-19 16:24:42

Why are they saying that?
And what have they suggested you do to rectify it?

SweetJasmine17 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:27:08

OP, it's a bit difficult to give advice/share experiences without knowing more about the situation. We don't know if they're right or not without you saying anything.

Bluntness100 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:28:34

I think you need to give more detail as to why they have come to this conclusion. It is not one they come to lightly.

Bluntness100 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:29:03

Also why they did thr assessment?

blue25 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:29:48

They must have reasons for thinking this. What are they?

rosie1998 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:29:48

As I have had metal health problems in the past ... Iv not been on any anti depression table for over a year I have anxiety when I meet people in big groups but that's about it ... Iv had a rough childhood so they are basically saying because off all off this I'm not fit

sneakypinky Fri 19-Jul-19 16:29:59

There must be serious safeguarding reasons for them to say that, i.e violence, drugs, alcoholism.

rosie1998 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:30:09


rosie1998 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:31:10

They want to put in a child protection order or something like that

LolaSmiles Fri 19-Jul-19 16:32:44

My gut instinct is there has to be more. Social services do all they can to keep children with their families, which makes me wonder if there's any history of violence or drug use, or situations where you/your partner haven't acted on the guidance of professionals regarding care/mental health.

Social services wouldn't make that sort of statement on the grounds of some managed mental health issues and a troubled childhood.

IVEgottheDECAF Fri 19-Jul-19 16:33:25

The best thing you can do is cooperate. Try to understand why they are concerned. Take advice and support.

sneakypinky Fri 19-Jul-19 16:33:40


OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 19-Jul-19 16:33:59

There has to be more to this OP

aliensprig Fri 19-Jul-19 16:35:34

Without knowing what their reasons are it's hard to give advice but generally speaking it's just the following: Show them you're willing to work with them 100% and do everything they ask, that includes cutting contact with the ex immediately and anyone else who might not be good to have around. Be prepared to have any potential partners thoroughly vetted - this is standard practice, and if they're not suitable then stop seeing them immediately. Clean up as best you can at home, attend all the medical appointments you're given and above all BE HONEST WITH THEM. If you do all of this, then chances are you'll be able to keep your baby. You'll have to be prepared to continue working with them after the birth as well - again, be honest and do everything they ask. Good luck.

zafferana Fri 19-Jul-19 16:36:11

Anxiety, depression and a bad childhood don't cause SS to want to take a DC away from it's mother. There is more to this than you're saying OP, because what you're saying makes no sense.

SweetJasmine17 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:36:33

Is the father abusive? SS were in olives with my child's dad after I left him then they lifted the order once after assessing the situation.

If you're not protecting yourself/baby from your ex, then yes you will be deemed unfit irrespective of your MH.

1WayOrAnother Fri 19-Jul-19 16:37:09

You need to work with them to prove you're ok to be a parent they have concerns, address them. They will see that you're trying. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you but they have a responsibility to your child. You need to stay positive and prove them wrong. Get some support from someone you trust. Don't see them as the enemy, work with them for the benefit of you child.

SweetJasmine17 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:37:08

Involved not olives🤦🏻‍♀️

InsertFunnyUsername Fri 19-Jul-19 16:38:27

Why did they do the assessment? Did you or your ex report to SS? You have to work with them.

Casander Fri 19-Jul-19 16:38:38

They don’t just take children off their parents because they’ve had a bad childhood. Or there would be a hell of a lot more children in care.

A child protection order is a plan put in place stating how they are going to offer help and support and make sure the child is safe and protected, it doesn’t mean they are going to necessarily take the baby. Have you been to court? Have you got legal advice?

Beck2277 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:42:28

It must have more to it, the assessment is so in depth and they are wanting to do the best for the child and family. The more honest you are the better the outcome, show willing to engage and they will do what they can to help. The more you push against them the more they'll believe you're unfit. They aren't bad people and want to make sure children stay with their families as long as their safe to do so smile If there has been violence it can be a question mark but nothing you've mentioned meets the threshold for child protection so must be more to it

cloudyinjune Fri 19-Jul-19 16:44:28

OP have they actually said those words?
Are they concerned about the father?
I am pregnant with anxiety and depression and history of mental health and social services are not involved, at all, only antenatal and regular mental health services

rosie1998 Fri 19-Jul-19 16:45:47

Me and my ex have had alot off history we have both overcome what has happened in the last 4 years in our relationship . I use to be very aggressive in the past now as the years have gone on I'm alot more relaxed and I deal with the situation without kicking off . I have not talked to any legal team I don't know where I stand now I just want to provide the best life for this little boy I'm not having any more contact with the ex/ father as he just walked out on me and the baby I fell like he's lost every right to be a father to this child but I'll never stop him seeing his child . The ex is now out drinking every night smoking weed and clubbing . I'm just trying to think about me and the baby that's my main priority right now

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