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Need some advice please

(106 Posts)
Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 10:31:13

Hi I'd like some advice so I have 3 children one dd thats 12 years another dd thats 2 turning 3 in december and a ds thats 1 and four months and Tuesday just passed I've found out that I'm pregnant which is a shock as me and my partner use contraception, so this is where I need advice I told my partner I'm pregnant he said he doesn't want anymore and he wants me to get a abortion he said I can do want I want but If I keep it he's not sticking around I really don't know what to do or think I told him it's ok for him to say that as his body isn't going through all of this I'm already feeling sicky and tired please help

Lovemybabiessomuch Wed 17-Jul-19 11:15:33

@Mrsmummy90 I won't I'm still in shock about being pregnant but I'm not going to be forced by anyone to terminate x

Huggybear16 Fri 19-Jul-19 18:16:28

How are you @Lovemybabiessomuch?

Did you manage to cancel your appointment? It was supposed to be today, wasn't it? How has it been for you this week?

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 09:15:41

@Huggybear16 hi yes I did I cancelled it this week's been awful my partner is just being so horrible still being the same about it but when he realised I really wasn't going yesterday he started even more saying he don't want it when he is asked to come to any appointments he won't come and he wants me to lose it I'm so emotionally drained xx

Mrsmummy90 Sat 20-Jul-19 09:35:50

Leave him. He's an utter shit!

Huggybear16 Sat 20-Jul-19 10:49:33

He's being so horrible to you OP, I feel for you.

Have you made an appointment with your midwife yet?

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to about this?

What a PP says is right - even if you agreed to have an abortion, the fact that he pushed you into it will make you feel differently about him. This may mean the relationship is dead anyway.

Your 12 year old could be a huge help to you with your younger ones. I know my sister gets her 12 year old to help out a lot with her toddler.

Don't rush into anything.

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 15:44:17

@Mrsmummy90 I don't get why he's being like this at all

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 15:49:19

@Huggybear16 yes I've booked a midwife appointment it's on the 6th of Aug I'm 7 weeks today and I won't rush into anything I haven't really got anyone to talk to about it as my sister and dad will just end up agreeing with what I say I want honest opinions xx

dreichhighlands Sat 20-Jul-19 15:50:06

Having been the 12 year old in this situation please don't use her as a stand in parent it is rubbish for her.
If you are able to care for your dc by yourself then that is absolutely fine but your dc is a dc and doesn't deserve to be used as a free childcare.
You shouldn't be pressured into anything by your partner. Have you been able to talk about what is causing him such high stress levels?

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 16:31:24

@dreichhighlands I never said I was going to use my 12 year old as child care at all I'm more than capable of looking after my children myself I have a 1 and four month old and a two year old already and yes I've tried speaking to him but he's not having any of it he hasn't got high stress levels he's just being completely ignorant of the whole situation

dreichhighlands Sat 20-Jul-19 16:55:15

OP I didn't say you were planning on using your dc as childcare but you were being encouraged to do so
* Your 12 year old could be a huge help to you with your younger ones. I know my sister gets her 12 year old to help out a lot with her toddler.*
For example.
Your DP certainly doesn't sound helpful at present. What are his key objections to another dc? What does he either see changing or not getting better from where you are now?
You may well end up going it alone but really understanding what your DP's concerns might give you both something to work with.

Michellebops Sat 20-Jul-19 17:22:20

@dreichhighlands no one was encouraging anyone to use a 12 year old as free childcare.
What we said was that her 12 year old will be a great help. That's not free childcare. That's being a sister. Siblings play with each other, especially older ones which is a big help for any parent.

The op already has 2 young toddlers so is already aware of what's ahead.

Michellebops Sat 20-Jul-19 17:24:07

@Lovemybabiessomuch been thinking about your situation.

I really hope you make a decision that you're happy with and if your partner doesn't come round then you're able to deal with it x

Sleepycat91 Sat 20-Jul-19 17:40:02

No woman NEEDS a bloke to raise a baby and by the sounds of it youre not going to miss much by him packing up and leaving, id even offer to help. Take control and dont let him bully you, dont sit and wait crying for him to make his mind up, he wants to go? Tell him to be on his way then and wave him out the door. You take care of you and those babies that need you xxx

dreichhighlands Sat 20-Jul-19 18:17:14

My basic point isn't that dc won't play with each other, of course they will and should do so.
However a 12 year old child shouldn't factor into any thinking about whether a parent has the capacity to look after another dc.
The decision needs to be made by the parent based on what their individual capacity is and won't be the same for each person.
If OP believes she can cope with another baby then more power to her elbow but is her decision and has nothing to do with a 12 year old dc.
Hopefully DP and OP will be able to have some more productive conversations soon.

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 21:40:25

@dreichhighlands we have had constructive conversations read my original post there is nothing more to it than that and like I said before I got to little ones now I'll be fine with another little one

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 21:41:22

@Michellebops thanks honey well I've decided I'm keeping it if he wants to go then so be it xx

Lovemybabiessomuch Sat 20-Jul-19 21:44:22

@Sleepycat91 your right I'm not going to be bullied in to having a termination and I agree if he wants to go I should wave him off x

Huggybear16 Sun 21-Jul-19 11:20:26

I was the one who said her 12 year old will be helpful, not the OP. Being helpful is different to being relied upon for childcare.

The main point is that OP should not terminate her pregnancy if she doesn't want to.

Glad you've organised a midwife appointment @Lovemybabiessomuch
Maybe discuss this with the midwife and see if there is any support that you can access?

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 21-Jul-19 11:57:59

@Huggybear16 I'd rather not discuss it with the midwife I'd not want them to take it out of proportion and all sorts start happening you know how over exaggerating some of them can be xx

Michellebops Sun 21-Jul-19 17:16:39

I said it too @Huggybear16 and totally stand by it. Love how some people read something and pick a small thing and blow it up and out of proportion 🤦🏼‍♀️

Glad you have the midwife appointment booked @Lovemybabiessomuch I agree I wouldn't mention the situation until you're sorted in your head what's happening at home.

Hope you're keeping well xx

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 21-Jul-19 17:41:24

@Michellebops Thanks hun and I know I think it's the best idea not to say much to the midwife and I know people just like to take things a little to far

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 21-Jul-19 17:44:24

@Michellebops I forgot to say yes I'm doing ok feeling a little bit sicky the morning sickness and baby brain is kicking in hope your well xxx

Michellebops Sun 21-Jul-19 18:09:31

Glad to hear it.

I'm officially 1 day overdue. Not tested yet as I had a night out last night.

Don't want to waste my frer in case af decides to put in an appearance.


Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 21-Jul-19 19:07:26

@Michellebops ohh I'm excited for you xx

Michellebops Sun 21-Jul-19 19:30:09

Will keep you updated, though I'm not confident x

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