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Need some advice please

(91 Posts)
Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 10:31:13

Hi I'd like some advice so I have 3 children one dd thats 12 years another dd thats 2 turning 3 in december and a ds thats 1 and four months and Tuesday just passed I've found out that I'm pregnant which is a shock as me and my partner use contraception, so this is where I need advice I told my partner I'm pregnant he said he doesn't want anymore and he wants me to get a abortion he said I can do want I want but If I keep it he's not sticking around I really don't know what to do or think I told him it's ok for him to say that as his body isn't going through all of this I'm already feeling sicky and tired please help

Bambamber Sun 14-Jul-19 13:00:01

No one can make this decision other than you. If you want to continue this pregnancy, you should do. You should never let another person pressure you into an abortion or you will regret it. Just be prepared that if you do keep the baby you will likely be doing it alone. As your partner he should be supporting you during this time, not essentially emotionally blackmailing you into an abortion.

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 13:25:54

Thanks for replying I'm just so stuck on what to do I'm glad you see it the same way I do, I left it a few days and tried to speak to him yesterday about it he's still saying the same I booked in for a abortion to make him get off my case it's for next Friday now I feel pressured to make a decision before Friday if I'm being honest if I get a abortion I don't think I'll ever forgive myself I took a clear blue test it said 2-3 weeks but I did the due date calculator and that says I'm 5 weeks even though I'm early I still feel like it's a living thing with a tiny beating heart that I'd be killing if I got a abortion I really don't think I'd forgive myself

Spam88 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:35:21

You have to do what's right for you. Don't even consider him in this decision. If he'd leave you over this then what's to stop him leaving over something else in a few months time - how would you cope with that if the only reason you'd had an abortion was so he wouldn't leave you?

Huggybear16 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:40:58

What do you want to do OP?

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 13:45:05

I know I keep thinking where it's came from for him to be saying it as we have been together for 4 years the two youngest are his children too and I'd never expect him to be like this I think deep down I know I want to keep it as I've never thought twice about it with my others

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 13:46:41

@Huggybear16 I really don't know I'm still in shock myself

newmomof1 Sun 14-Jul-19 13:50:40

I'd leave him for trying to force me into an abortion anyway.
Do whatever you need to do OP. What kind of a man would walk out on his family because there's another little one coming along? He's a dick.

If you stay together make him get a vasectomy. If he doesn't want any more children he should make sure he can't get anyone pregnant.

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 14:03:44

@newmomof1 you made me laugh bloody got me out my own mind of stressing for a minute and your so right I don't know why he's being like this I don't know if he scared or just generally being a dick I'm in so much shock myself at the minute that his crap is just stressing me keep bloody crying my hormones are bloody everywhere in happy I'm pregnant them I'm worried it's another one to soon then I'm worried about what he's saying then I think fuck him then I cry then I do it all all over again

Michellebops Sun 14-Jul-19 16:05:20

Sorry your emotions are going through this.

Your body , your choice. Yes it's both your responsibility but at the end of the day it's your decision. He can give his thoughts but that's it.

By threatening to leave you is just bullying and controlling behaviour and to be honest if you truly want to keep this baby and allow yourself be talked into a termination the chances of a relationship surviving is limited anyway.

Do you have other support around you?

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 16:14:16

@Michellebops no l don't really have any other support around me I just don't know what to do my emotions are everywhere

Michellebops Sun 14-Jul-19 16:23:37

3 kids under 4 will be tough but I'm sure your 12 year old will be a help.

The good thing is you have time, I'd cancel the appointment on Friday and give yourself another few weeks to weigh up your options.

Keep chatting to us and we'll support you as you need it ❤️

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 16:53:35

Thank you just talking about it is making me feel better and I think your right about cancelling my appointment as I feel pressured thanks again ❤

Michellebops Sun 14-Jul-19 16:58:21

Keep chatting if you want. I'm not going to judge or persuade you in either direction.

Sometimes talking it out to a stranger is good x

Lovemybabiessomuch Sun 14-Jul-19 17:22:35

I feel like someone actually listening to me I try and speak to him about it and he's really funny about it saying nothing is going to change his mind xx

Huggybear16 Tue 16-Jul-19 17:10:46

How are you @Lovemybabiessomuch?

Lovemybabiessomuch Tue 16-Jul-19 18:19:59

@Huggybear16 I'm getting there I booked a midwife appointment today and I'm going to cancel the other appointment x

Lovemybabiessomuch Tue 16-Jul-19 18:21:19

@Huggybear16 are you ok ? X

Michellebops Tue 16-Jul-19 19:03:09

How did your oh take your decision?

Hope you're ok?

Huggybear16 Tue 16-Jul-19 19:17:23

That's good to hear @Lovemybabiessomuch

Don't be pushed into doing something you don't want to. This is your decision. Keep us updated, if you want to. Good luck.

Lovemybabiessomuch Tue 16-Jul-19 21:02:07

@Michellebops he's still being really funny about it xx

Lovemybabiessomuch Tue 16-Jul-19 21:12:55

@Huggybear16 I won't let anyone do that and I will keep u updated x

Michellebops Tue 16-Jul-19 22:40:08

Were both hand holding with you xx

Mrsmummy90 Wed 17-Jul-19 00:04:35

Glad you've made the decision to do what you feel is right.
Don't ever let anyone pressure you to terminate if it isn't what you want. X

Lovemybabiessomuch Wed 17-Jul-19 11:14:11

@Michellebops thank you hun xxx

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