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Pregnant after misc....any tips for getting through each day?

(27 Posts)
karma Sun 22-Jul-07 11:15:58

Just to fill you in on my background.
I have two ds, 5 and 2, and starting trying for another in Jan. Got pregnant straight away but sadly misc at 5 weeks. Got pregnant again in May and the same thing happened.
Got a BFP yesterday and obviously delighted, but really worried that once again I might lose it.
I know that the odds are that this pregnancy should be fine, but each time I go to the loo I get that sick feeling that I'll be bleeding (I know many of you will know this feeling only too well).
It's funny that with my first two children it never crossed my mind that I might misc, but with my recent history it's all I can think about. Because this will probably be our last baby, really want it to be an enjoyable relaxed pregnancy, and although I'm trying hard, just can't get these thoughts out of my head.
Know that there are many of you out there going through something similar. Any words of wisdom as to how you get through each day and enjoy the pregnancy?
Thankyou.

Pheebe Sun 22-Jul-07 12:59:05

Hi Karma

Congratulations

So sorry for your losses. I have a DS and another on the way with several mcs before and between so I know exactly where you coming from. The only way I found I could cope was to not let myself believe I was pregnant til after 12 week scan. Its really hard and there's no easy way to cope. I kept myself busy but also allowed myself to be sad and worried once DS was in bed. I set myself goals, books I wanted to read, films I wanted to see etc and tried to fill as much of my time in the early weeks as poss.

I'm 26 weeks now and am finally feeling more relaxed and enjoying feeling the bub move although to be honest I won't be happy or relax til he's born and safe.

Good luck, keep reminding yourself you have 2 beautiful DCs and your body can do this.

Fingerbobs Sun 22-Jul-07 13:17:07

Dear Karma
Congratulations on your news, and heartfelt sorrow for your losses.
I found that trying to do at least one 'treat' thing a day gave me something to look forward to (although I don't have two small children to look after so that made it a bit easier!). Accepting that it's not always possible to enjoy all of a pregnancy after a loss and that it's completely normal to be totally paranoid can also help - recognising that what you feel isn't necessarily rational but that doesn't make it any less real, if you know what I mean. I guess what I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up about not feeling radiantly happy if you don't. Doing relaxation-type exercises, again presumably a lot easier with no children around, also helped me - sometimes just taking deep breaths and focusing on breathing in and out and nothing else - helped to calm me down and make me feel more able to cope. Also, the support on the pregnancy after miscarriage thread is completely amazing.
Very best of luck.

Justaboutmanaging Sun 22-Jul-07 19:35:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofSlytherinsmonsters Sun 22-Jul-07 19:41:51

karma, firstly congratulations!
I got a bfp last week after mc last year and am terrified with every niggle. there is a pg after m/c thread as well as a few of us on the due march thread. With my forst 2 it didn't occur to me either tbh.

daisyandbabybootoo Sun 22-Jul-07 19:45:33

Hi Karma

Congratulations on your BFP.

I've just had a darling DD after 2 MCs within a year. It was very hard at the start as I had some spotting at about 5 weeks. Every day seemed like a milestone, and it was difficult to talk to RL friends and family. My DH was wonderful though and aided by some extra scans and the support from the lovely women on this great support thread on here, I got through it. It does get easier as it goes on.

Wishing you the best of luck and an easy pregnancy.

daisyandbabybootoo Sun 22-Jul-07 19:47:57

I see you found the thread already...good luck

WilkiesWizardWheezes Sun 22-Jul-07 19:49:07

Congratulations Karma.

I m/c at 6 weeks and bled again with this pg but gave birth to a healthy DS in January.

I worried my way through the entire pg even though I didn't bleed again after 8.5 weeks. Just take each day as it comes and talk through your emotions with family/friends. Maybe ask your GP if they could do an early scan for you to put your mind at rest.

Join the thread mentioned as you will get some fantastic support which I think you need.

Good luck xxxx

karma Sun 22-Jul-07 19:56:08

Oh thankyou everyone. I know there are no real answers to staying relaxed and enjoying things - at the end of the day what will be will be. But knowing that others have gone through it and have big bumps or babies further down the line is really comforting.

griffintribe Sun 22-Jul-07 20:12:29

Congratualtions karma.

I had a missed m/c in february at 15 weeks, she died at 12.5 weeks.

I am currently 4.3 weeks pregnant.

Of course i am worried about it happening again and dont think i will be happy about it until i can feel the baby moving.

Every time i start to worry i tell myself that worrying will only make it more likely to happen again and i try to think positive. Its easier said than done but you have to try to be positive.

I will also not think about names or make too many plans until i am further along.

I have a 22 month old dd and i can remeber the excitement of expecting her which i dont think i will ever feel again.

Good luck to you and i hope it all works out this time

karma Mon 23-Jul-07 20:55:10

Thanks griffintribe,
wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.
You're right, after a misc it completely alters your view of any future pregnancies which is sad really cause it's such a special time.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Mon 23-Jul-07 21:25:32

Hi Karma

Congratulations on your BFP!

I had a stillborn girl two years ago at 25 weeks, we ttc for two years got pg then i m/c at 5 weeks.

5 months later I got pg again and am now 21 weeks.

Its nerve wracking I know but getting pg is a massive 1st hurdle.

Keep strong

x

smilesattheweekend Tue 24-Jul-07 13:04:29

Hi
I had two mc, then DS - bled a lot with him but had scans each week. Just had another mc after having a scan at 7 weeks with a healthy heartbeat came home and lost it. Thing is I know I can do it, just have to put it down to bad luck and the support on here is immense lots of people getting support for losses but also support for positives. I agree when you have lost a baby and get pg again, everyday is a huge milestone. My EPU told me to contact them as soon as I get a BFP I will then see a consultant who deals predominantly with recurrent mc, she will offer support and there are also some support groups.

X

Smiles

waitinggirl Tue 24-Jul-07 16:48:27

dear all - it is so hard. had m/c on 22 may - conceived straight away afterwards (big surprise) and am now something like 6-7 weeks. had 2 scans - there is a sac and something inside but not seen a heartbeat yet although everything else is in the right place and has grown. my hormone levels, however, have dropped from 7000 to 6000 when they should have doubled every 48 hours. don't feel pregnant in the slightest. am waiting to see if this is a mmc - and we have another (3rd) scan on thurs morning. the waiting is hell. can't decide whether it is better not to know whether i'm really pregnant or not, or to know it isn't going to work this time.

smilesattheweekend Wed 25-Jul-07 11:10:43

Waitinggirl I hope you are ok. The waiting is torture and I know from experience that it is not enjoyable. Let us know how the scan goes - have everything crossed for you.

alipotter Wed 25-Jul-07 11:20:34

congratulations on the pregnancy!
I had a m/c at 8 and half weeks and when I became p/g with ds the first 12 weeks were awful (and the last 10, but that's another story!).
You have to do it a day at a time, when you go to bed you think 'that's another day'. Talk about how you're feeling, if you feel scared or upset - whatever talk it through and cry if you need to. I found the 12 week scan an enormous relief and then after that I found I had more and more days withough negative thoughts.
Good luck - get plenty of rest and make sure you get waited on hand and foot!

waitinggirl Wed 25-Jul-07 12:16:53

thank you, smilesattheweekend - should know something more by this time tomorrow.

smilesattheweekend Wed 25-Jul-07 14:25:34

Waitinggirl, will be thinking of you tomorrow - I am going back to work tomorrow but will log on now and again to see if you have posted. I am ready to go back to work, have been off since mc last monday. I am lucky that our offices are quite small and there are only two other women to share it with - thought I would put in a few days then have the weekend to chill out. I hope you don't mind me asking about your thoughts personally, feel free not to answer - after the mc last week, my kneejerk reaction was to wait for a few months before trying again (we weren't trying for another baby at the moment, we were going to start next year), we tried for years to have our son and it was a real struggle (2 mc and lots of tests at fertility clinic), then I got pg almost by accident. If you are more fertile after mc I am wondering whether I should just go for it. If I wait we might struggle again. Sorry to babble on, I know everyone is different but just wondered.

X

waitinggirl Wed 25-Jul-07 17:05:38

dear smilesattheweekend - it really is lovely to have this sort of support - i've never posted on a discussion board before mumsnet, and it helps enormously.

after our mc the doctor said in earlier years the advice was to wait anything from a couple of cycles to a full year to let the body recover. Now, the doctor said, the advice was generally to wait until after one period after the mc, but that is really only so that it becomes easier to date the pg (making things easier for the doctors). our doctor then said there was no real reason to wait, and why not just go for it. We considered using contraception, but that felt emotionally the absolutely wrong thing to do – it would have upset me so much to do so. It took us 7 months to get pregnant first time, and I have very long and irregular cycles which the doctor suggested meant I wasn’t ovulating all the time (also read an old fashioned book that suggested that after a mc you are unlikely to ovulate for a couple of months) so I was absolutely unprepared for getting pregnant so soon afterwards – was convinced I wasn’t going to ovulate at all. As it happens, it looks like I did after about 2 weeks after the mc.

If this pg doesn’t end up working out, we are, however, going to use contraception for a couple of months to let things get back to normal (this was incidentally also the advice of my cousin who is an obstetrics expert in new Zealand). afterall my body thinks it’s been pregnant on and off since april now (when we first conceived with pg number 1). At least we know we can conceive now – and comparatively easily at that, what with apparently being super fertile post mc (which only now I realise is quite a common phenomenon). And also – I just want to get my head back in gear – the mw did ask how we were feeling emotionally now that we were apparently pg so soon after the mc – to be honest, we were delighted and also utterly terrified – I tried my best to put the mc down to biology and statistics (and possibly my age – 34) and not see anything portentous in it. If they do find a heartbeat tomorrow I will be absolutely delighted and still utterly terrified – afterall it will only be about 7 weeks and that means 4-6 weeks to go until the major threat of mc is over. If, however, we find out we aren’t pg tomorrow, then I am planning on GETTING DRUNK for the first time in the last 3 weeks, then eating well, going back to running (had been advised to stop almost all exercise due to previous mc), and trying to reclaim my mind and body away from the scans, blood tests, worries, doubts and fears and enjoy myself for a while. We’ll start trying again in the autumn/winter and see what happens.

We’ve booked ourselves into a very flash, far too expensive hotel this weekend coming in anticipation of it being either congratulations or commiserations – of course, if they can’t see anything and ask us to come back in a week or 2, it’ll be limbo again and I’ll still be waiting.

Sorry – that is quite a long-winded answer to your question.

Good luck with going back to work - i'll be thinking of you too – I’ll try and post tomorrow. Aaaaaaaargh

smilesattheweekend Wed 25-Jul-07 17:40:55

Cheers waitinggirl. I have only posted since mc last week and have found it so supportive.

I think I want to start trying, it might be good to get pg soon (if I ovulate) then as I won't have any idea really of dates it may save a few weeks of worry!!! Method in the madness. I have had a huge hangover today, have been drinking since last monday (only in the evening mind) - we conceived in France and we came back with a bootfull of wine which I hadn't been able to drink - needless to say I have had a few bottles but went a bit mad on the Vodka last night. I am not having a drink tonight and plan to go back to being good (well on a schoolnight anyway).

Do try and post tomorrow.

karma Wed 25-Jul-07 20:13:27

Chocolatepeanut - sorry to hear about your sad experiences, and best of luck with the remainder of this pregnancy. Thanks for the support, it really helps.

Smiles - so sad to hear your news. Take good care of yourself, and as you say, at least you know that a pregnancy can happen, your ds being the evidence.

Waitinggirl - good luck for Thurs. It must be a really anxious time for you. Will be thinking of you.

Alipotter - thanks for posting and the sensible advice. saw GP today and hoping to get an early scan. Thought she might be a bit more positive about things, but I guess they can't be really. Basically if a misc is going to happen it'll happen.

After my previous miscs we were advised both times to try again straight away if we felt emotionally able to. Think this was also to do with my age (38). I felt that the only way to get me through this was to know that we were actively TTC as soon as possible. But I know that this is different for everyone, and if the worse happened again then I would probably take a break for a few months.

waitinggirl Fri 27-Jul-07 04:48:18

it's all over. again. don't think i'm going to be on mumsnet again for a while. thanks for the support.

smilesattheweekend Fri 27-Jul-07 09:50:37

Waitinggirl (((((((hugs)))))) - get back to us when you can.

X

alipotter Fri 27-Jul-07 12:33:29

Waiting girl xxx (((hug)))

Karma, we decided not to have an early scan. All we read, and I presume it's true, was that chances of m/c dropped after 12 weeks. I felt having an early scan wouldn't help because I would still be on tenterhooks until I was past 12 weeks. However, that's because in our health authority if you have an early scan, then that's it until the 20 week scan. Perhaps it's different where you are?

karma Sat 28-Jul-07 12:09:30

Oh waitinggirl,
I've just read your message. I'm so sorry. Sending you big hugs. Take care of yourself, and if you want to talk you know where we are.

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