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After years of infertility how can I have a positive pregnancy?

(20 Posts)
Scampynoodle Fri 20-Jul-07 16:53:29

Crikey, I hope you can help me with this one.

I'm 13 weeks pregnant, all a bit of a malarchy because I'd spent the last 20 years of my life being told that I was infertile thanks to my fiendish endometriosis.

After weeks of utter shock I'm finally coming around to having a baby. The problem is that I'm struggling to be positive about the outcome. After years of being told nothing but doom n gloom about my fetid loins, and endless surgery, it's a real struggle to believe that this (my only) pregnancy could be succesful. I'm convinced that I'll miscarry or that the baby will be stillborn or that it'll pop out with all manner of terrible ailments (horrible thoughts, I know, I know). And there are days when I don't even believe I am pregnant even though there is a scan pic of the Mini-Me on my mantlepiece and my tits are attempting to take over the world.

I really want to enjoy being pregnant but I don't think I'm going to beieve this is happening until a sqalling ball of baby is plopped into my arms come January.

Do all women go through this? Or is this all just another product of my fevered noggin?

Sx

HuwEdwards Fri 20-Jul-07 16:56:00

First of all CONGRATULATIONS!

My friend became pregnant after years of being told it may never happen. She's now 5months and can feel the baby moving and finally she's letting herself believe it and enjoy it.

lulumama Fri 20-Jul-07 16:58:50

the fact you are now pregnant, after years of struggle, should give you hope..the fact you have overcome infertility is amazing..this baby is pretty special alright !!

i hope you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy

FWIW, i think every woman, whether she has tried for a month or for years , has that feeling of unreality at the start of a pregnancy..

midnightexpress Fri 20-Jul-07 17:00:52

Congratulations on your pg! No experience except to say that I think it's completely normal to feel that way, infertility or no. Doesn't seem to matter how many scans I had, or how many reassuring listens to heartbeats etc, it's only once they come out and start wailing that irrational worries disappear. And it wasn't any better with my 2nd pg either . But I hope that telling you this might help you to relax and enjoy it, iyswim!

elesbells Fri 20-Jul-07 17:03:48

congratulations to you
ive never had any problems with conceiving and i still never believed it and thought bad things were going to happen to the baby. so i think its even more natural to think like you are thinking iyswim? try and relax (easier said than done) and enjoy it
well done to you!

FlossALump Fri 20-Jul-07 17:04:59

Congratulations!

With DS I never believed I'd get to bring a real life baby home with me. I was convinced he would die.

I'm now 32 weeks pregnant with No2 and feeling very much the same way, even to the extent that the home birth I planned to have is becoming less and less appealing as I am convinced there will be complications.

Best bit of news for you though, as I'm sure you know is that the risk of loosing the pregnancy now is so much lower. It is a special time and I curse myself for feeling the way I do. You really do need to try and relax and enjoy it. A happy mum is though to make a happy baby! Can you talk to your midwife about it for extra reassurance?

luckylady74 Fri 20-Jul-07 17:08:28

i have my ds1 and my twins thriugh ivf and i have the severest form of endemetriosis - ondemetriosis - i spent most of my 2 pregnancies crying - especially as i only ever seemed to hear 'high risk' about the twins, despite me never havimg a problem in pregnancy - i delivered 3 enormous children and i can only say CONGRATULATIONS and i wish you the happy pregnancy i didn't have! endemetreosis only stops us conceiving (or tries to!) it has no impact on pregnancy or so said my consultant expert on it.

ib Fri 20-Jul-07 17:14:45

It took me ages to believe that I was pregnant - had been told for 14 years that it was 'impossible' for us to have a baby. I think when he started moving it helped, but right until the birth the mw kept joking that she believed in my baby more than I did...

But it passes so fast and before you know it you'll be holding your lo!

Congratulations!

brimfull Fri 20-Jul-07 17:15:11

scampynoodle-I knwo just how you feel,although I wasn't trying for quite so long,just 10 yrs here.

I too felt all the same dreaded thoughts of impending doom.You need to focus one day at a time and keep telling yourself there is no reason why this baby/pregnancy shouldn't be entirely healthy and normal despite your previous problems.
Maybe try a bit of relaxation techniques when you can focus on your blooming health and massive tits

I wish you all the luck in the world although you've done it know,it's just a waiting game now until your longed for baby is in your arms.

OldieMum Fri 20-Jul-07 17:17:47

I have been through something similar and understand how you feel. I went through eight cycles of fertility treatment before I became pregnant. I found it very hard to believe that my body could actually nurture a baby - surely babies were something that happened to other people, not me? I kept telling myself that something was bound to go wrong. Going to antenatal appointments at the hospital reminded me of all the grief I had experienced there (the IVF unit was in the same building). But I also enjoyed feeling more normal, after years of having to traipse through the antenatal clinic waiting room on the way up to the IVF unit.

I did start to relax when I got to twelve weeks - the period in which miscarriages are more likely. Feeling the baby move was also an enormous reassurance. I do hope this will help you, too, when it starts.

But don't be surprised that, if the feelings lessen, but occasionally resurface. I found them all flooding back when DD got jaundice a few days after birth and needed phototherapy.

Then I got pregnant again, naturally this time. But that's another story ....

Good luck.

Naetha Fri 20-Jul-07 17:20:19

Congratulations Scampynoodle

My sister was diagnosed with endemetriosis and PCOS and was told that she'd never conceive naturally.

She has two beautiful healthy children conceived naturally, which just goes to show you never can tell

As for the being paranoid about miscarriage, phantom pregnancy, I think everyone goes through that to some extent, although some with more reason than others

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Also have you joined one of the ante-natal clubs? Its a great way of staying in touch with people around the same stage as you

I use smilies too much!

Desiderata Fri 20-Jul-07 17:21:06

This is fantastic news, scampy.

You need positive thoughts, from yourself and others. All pg women harbour doubts about their pregnancy, but naturally this irrational fear is heightened due to all you've been through.

You will be fine; your child will be fine. In January your world will change for ever ... and we will all still be here to praise you and overwhelm you with our congratulations!

Take care ... and stop bloody worrying

lizziemun Fri 20-Jul-07 17:50:52

Scampynoodle,

Congratulations.

I can understand how you feel, although it only 2 years to fall pg with dd, then another 2 1/2 years to get pg this time.

Although as i sit and type this i still can not believe that i am pg again, even though i am the size of a house (35 weeks) i still have a minor doubts that it true.

When i went for my scans i expected them to say that it was a phanton pregancy .

Scampynoodle Fri 20-Jul-07 17:59:13

Thank you, thank you, thank you! You've all been so helpful with your comments. It's good to know that I'm not derranged!

I have to say that even though suffering with sickness n headaches and knackeredness is awful at least on some days it reassures me that it's not all in my imagination. And I can't imagine how much it is going to mess with my head when the baby first kicks but that'll be another tick in the 'I must be pregnant, then!' box.

I guess this is all part of being a worrying mother. I just never thought it would start quite so soon (I was hoping that I could put off the fretting until the nipper started hanging around the local Spar with a bottle of White Lightening in his/ her hand).

Blimey, just what have DH and I started...

Sx

dejags Fri 20-Jul-07 18:09:13

Congratulations

How lovely to hear this - understandable that you have mixed and scared feelings though.

Best of luck for the coming 6 months :-)
Dejagsx

lissie Fri 20-Jul-07 18:18:06

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! im so so happy for you, your fears are totally understandable tho!

helenelisabeth Fri 20-Jul-07 19:25:54

Oh scampy congratulations! I know exactly how you feel though. I was told I was infertile indefinitely as a teenager from a severe bout of PID and my tubes were totally destroyed from it. I suffered terribly and it was devastating to think I would never have children. 10 years later I had IVF and my DD1 was born healthy. For the whole pregnancy I was NEUROTIC. I sunk into a depression and would barely leave the house for fear I would miscarry. I left my job at 5 weeks and became a recluse. If I didn't feel the baby move for a few hours I would be in tears, the list goes on...

You will be fine hun, you have got past the worst stage so please, for you own sake and the baby's try to relax. My DD is quite neurotic and I believe I have caused it because I was so tense during the pregnancy.

I wish you well and what a lovely outcome to years of infertility.

SpeccieSeccie Fri 20-Jul-07 19:36:27

Congratulations! Totally understandable that you're feeling a bit mixed as I think that most people feel pretty scared by it all and every thing that can go wrong. But it will be just fine.

Wishing you all the best for coming months.

tiredandgrumpy Sun 22-Jul-07 20:09:18

Congratulations! I can understand your worries, even if I'm sure they're groundless. You'll start to feel better in a few weeks, when you feel your baby move, but I can tell you the next few weeks will seem endless!

A good friend had a similar story and ended up producing an enormous, healthy, beautiful baby boy. Was so proud of her - that showed them!

Scampynoodle Mon 23-Jul-07 12:30:51

Thanks again, m'loves. It's all madness isn't it? In fact this morning I toddled off to buy a pregnancy test just to double check that the last 14 weeks haven't been all in my mind. I gave myself a mental slap across the chops when I got to Boots though and returned empty handed. Doh!

I'm hanging on for the 16 week heartbeat check thingy thing now. That'll hopefully be another milestone and another good reason to think positive.

Coo, for once feeling sick every day has its advantages. If I had so symtoms at all imagine the bloody mess I'd be working myself into then!

Thanks again!

Sx

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