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Fight with DP

(180 Posts)
GoingtobeLonely Wed 18-Jul-07 11:51:05

Have been posting on here for a while but have changed my name because i am ashamed, last night my DP and i had a huge arguement in the middle of our road, in which he spat in my face, threw me to the floor and chucked me in the bushes several times, broke my necklace, smacked me around the face, shouted a lot and went to kick me, he rufuses accept that he has done anything wrong and just excused himseld by saying that i have made the last month of his life hell, i have been quite hormonal as i am 5 months pregnant, he kept asking if i am going to give him the last month of his life back, he then went on to say that it wasnt his baby and told me to have an abortion and that he wasnt going to do 'more than he has to' this upsets me because its our child that will be loosing out more than me, we will live together seperately and im also worried that he will bring people back to the house with him

i dont know what i am expecting by posting this on here, just hoping for a bit of advice and support i suppose! i feel so

bundle Wed 18-Jul-07 11:53:03

lonely is better than battered, goingtobelonely.

get away from this man, he is abusive. go and stay with family/friends or seek help from a refuge. he's using your hormones as an excuse for his despicable behaviour because he's inadquate and cowardly.

Feedmenow Wed 18-Jul-07 11:53:19

This is awful! What on earth have you done to warrant him doing this (not that it is justifiable at all!!)?

Feedmenow Wed 18-Jul-07 11:54:09

Let me re-phrase cos it still sounds like I think it might be excusable. What I mean is, what does he say you have done/said that he thinks makes his behavious acceptable?

FoghornLeghorn Wed 18-Jul-07 11:55:11

Why live together but seperately ?

He sounds like a complete loon, get as far away from him as possible.

You are pregnant, you have your baby to think about first and foremost and you need to be safe

Mumpbump Wed 18-Jul-07 11:56:07

I second bundle. If he is like this towards you when you're pg, what is he going to be like towards the baby when it starts crying in the middle of the night and won't be settled? I'd be very, very worried about his behaviour and would not hang around unless there was a very good reason to stay - is there one?

Lumos Wed 18-Jul-07 11:56:44

So sorry you are going through this especially when pregnant.
I find it really hard to post on threads where partners are being abusive as it brings back to many memories for me.
Its not just your safety you have to think about now, don't wait around for it to get worse like I did. Take your baby and go it alone. Have you got family who can help out?

TheMuppetMuggle Wed 18-Jul-07 11:57:23

That is terrible, what he has done he shouldn't blame on your homones.
Your PG and you & your child should come first.
Please try and get away from him its not good for either of you.

tasja Wed 18-Jul-07 11:58:07

Agree, stay away from him. think of your baby and yourself.

singingmum Wed 18-Jul-07 11:58:20

He is an arse.You need to get away from him now.Men like this are not ever going to change or get help or anything else they might say.
You say you will live together but seperate.He will use this.Why are you going to keep living together?
If he believes the dc is not his he will make it's life hell.He sounds really horrid.Also go to the police and report him for assault and don't drop the charges no matter what.
Most of all do not be ashamed.He is the one who should be so.What he did is not just unacceptable it is illegal and (in my book)was attempted murder of an unborn innocent.As for making his life hell he should reverse that and do women everywhere a favour and never date or enter into a relationship again.

LoveMyGirls Wed 18-Jul-07 12:00:15

GET OUT OF THERE! Read your post again and keep reading it until you can see for yourself that you have to put your baby first. What kind of man does that to a 5mth pg woman ffs? MumpBump is right if he's like this now it will get much much worse when there is a screaming baby in the house. You need to protect you both from this man. for you and your child

bundle Wed 18-Jul-07 12:01:45

there is growing evidence that domestic violence is a real issue during pg.

please don't become a statistic, confide in someone you can trust and get out.

GoingtobeLonely Wed 18-Jul-07 12:10:26

i love him so much, its not something he does often, also he does put me down alot and then shouts at me for crying, last year just before his birthday i thought he had been cheating on me so i went to have a look on the history on his internet and he tried to strangle me, he also punched me in the stomach when i was pregnant, but it was before we found out. i really love him, last time he had a fight he told me he would go for anger management but last night he told me that he just told me that to shut me up - i wish he would just get help

LoveMyGirls Wed 18-Jul-07 12:10:41

Sorry my post says "protect yourself from this man" what I should have said is "protect yourself from this deranged abusive lowlife" he is not a man he is a coward, hitting a pg woman is no different to hitting a baby imo who wants to be anywhere near a bloke who can do that!

bundle Wed 18-Jul-07 12:11:58

once is too much, you know that

RGPargy Wed 18-Jul-07 12:13:26

OMG, you poor thing. I can only echo what others have said on here (been there, done that). Get the F*CK out of there RIGHT NOW!!! Do not stay with this absolute w4nker of a "man". How dare he treat you this way! Even if you were not pg, it is totally unacceptable.

GET THE HELL OUT!!!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

LoveMyGirls Wed 18-Jul-07 12:14:54

He will never get help, i have been in an abusive relationship and i know that you will leave when you are ready but seriously what does he have to do to get you to leave him? Hitting you when pg could cause you to lose your baby, could cause damage to your baby. Being punched in the stomach even without being pg can have harmful affects.

Will it be ok when you are in hospital because he's beaten you so badly and you have to leave your precious baby with him to look after? Or will you lie there worrying that he will have hurt the baby by the time you get home? Im sorry these are harsh things to say but really what does he have to do? You sound like a typical abused partner - but i love him but he says he'll get help, he doesn't do it often, only because i..... etc etc until you have no self esteem until you have to have years of counselling or until your child grows up and does the same to his partner or puts up with it from her husband? This is a cycle that you can stop before it starts.

RGPargy Wed 18-Jul-07 12:15:37

GGGRRRR this bloke is making me soooo mad and i dont even know him!!!

Honestly, GTBL, i've been in a relationship where you are constantly physically and mentally abused and it's no picnic i can assure you. How can you love someone who's sole purpose in life is to make himself feel better by making you feel like shit?

Be strong. Get rid. And quick!

Lumos Wed 18-Jul-07 12:20:19

GTBL I know how hard it is to leave when you love someone but believe me, when you are out of this monsters control you will realise how good life can be!

TheMuppetMuggle Wed 18-Jul-07 12:20:30

If he's done it more than once he will never stop - you need to GET out now to save you and your unborn child.

LoveMyGirls Wed 18-Jul-07 12:25:38

I'll tell you a story, my ex abused me, in the end it got so bad that one morning i cooked him a fry up i tried my best to get it just how he liked it but i wasn't a very good cook i was only 18, i had my 1yr old dd with me, i took the plate into him i was so nervous, i was constanlty walking on egg shells around him, i had no idea a loving relationship wasn't meant to be like this. A few minutes later he came in and punched me in the head without warning turned out the beans weren't cooked, i ended up in hospital that day, luckily my mum and sister came and helped me pack they took me to hospital and took me home with them they begged me to leave him but the next day he begged me to forgive him he would change go to AM etc etc so i dwent back, i thought it was my fault, thought if i had cooked his breakfast properly it wouldnt have happened. A week later i wore a dress round to his mums for sunday dinner and he hit me again etc i went home and took an overdose i couldn't take it anymore, im lucky i survived and have never been so stupid ever again but MY precious daughter COULD have lost her mummy that day all because I hadn't left him earlier and he had got to me so much

PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

MadAsABagOfFrogs Wed 18-Jul-07 12:32:49

Please get out of there NOW!! Don't stay. Ring womens aid and get yourself into a refuge or to friends or relations. This man will NOT change and will get worse. Please believe me. I wish I had this sort of resource when I was going through something similar but I put up with it for nearly 7 years before he left me for my mate. He is still the same now and hasn't changed. Please believe me he won't change. Report him to the Police for the violence against you. But please for the sake of your baby and yourself GET OUT of there.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008

daisyandbabybootoo Wed 18-Jul-07 12:42:51

sweetheart, you need to get out of this relationship and get out now, or your life and that of your unborn child will be spent in fear and misery.

he is a nasty viscious bully and needs to be stopped.

Please get some help get into a shelter or go stay with family, I'm sure his behaviour hasn't gone entirely unnoticed by someone who is close to you and support is out there for you.

I know its hard and you tell yourself that you love him so much, but he does not love you. If he did he wouldn't treat you like this.

big {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

bananabump Wed 18-Jul-07 12:44:33

I feel terribly sorry for you that you're having to go through thi at all nevermind when pregnant. I know you feel like you love him, but you need to really examine your feelings because in four short months you will have a tiny precious newborn baby, and you will love him or her in a different way, and want to protect them with your whole being.

You have no guarantees that this man wouldn't start to hit your child at some point. You may think now that he wouldn't, no way. But you probably thought he'd never hit you when you first met, too.

Things won't get better by themselves, it takes a certain kind of man to treat a pregnant woman that way. What if he had kicked you in the stomach, as he went to do? you could have been in hospital today having to deliver a dead baby. I'm sorry to put it so harshly but you need to consider what could happen if you continue to stay with him.

And the danger isn't over when you give birth, in fact it'll probably be worse because if you're a sensible person you'll be constantly wondering if you can trust this man around your baby.

Is there anyone you can stay with? will your family look after you? Personally I'd get the police on him, if your argument was so public there's bound to be witnesses watching in windows.

Keep talking to us but make sure you're covering your tracks honey, go to tools and clear your history after every session if you think he might be able to read your posts. Stay safe.

GoingtobeLonely Wed 18-Jul-07 12:52:59

i know it sounds really stupid but the thing that upset me the most is that he spat on me, right in the street, i just felt so degraded i know that thats not so bad compared to him throwing me around but its the thing that made me feel the worst

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