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Is anyone else worrying that they won't cope? Or get PND?(13 Posts)
When DS2 is born, DS will be 16mths old. I know it'll be very hard at first, but we deliberately chose a small gap in age, and i wasn't too bothered about it. (New babies are always hard work anyway!)
FIL and MIL keep going on about how awful it will be, how hard etc, and seem to have nothing nice to say about the age gap. Now i'm starting to think about when DH goes back to work after the baby is born and worrying that i won't cope with them.
I'm quite hormonal this time round too, and i'm being impatient and grumpy with DS1. What if this never goes away? I've started thinking i'll end up with PND and be a horrible mother, and that the kids will hate me. DH thinks i'm being daft, but i'm starting to get really scared.
I know just how you feel. My DD is 18 months old now and our number 2 is due in 5 weeks. Everyone keeps saying "ooh, youll have your hands full". I KNOW!!! Like you though we wanted our 2 close together and dont need all the doom and gloom about it.
My DD seems to have been constantly ill for about 3 months, and my patience is at an all time low. All I seem to do is tell her off at the moment and then feel really upset that Ive done it! Im also hoping that it is all down to hormones and being heavily pregnant. We seem to have exactly the same fears about PND and being awful mothers, but Im sure we are not the only ones who have felt like this .
I dont know what the answer is, but just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling right now. Im right there with you!
Take care and good luck with number 2. Just ignore the people who say it will be hard, we will get our reward when our two are close in age, looking after each other and giving us a break!
I think it's important that you speak to your midwife about your feelings and fears. They may be able to offer some much needed advice. Sometimes, women suffer from antenatal depression, this is treatable.
I too am worried about the first couple of weeks. I'm expecting baby 3 in September, and from past experience I do know that I COMPLETELY lose it the first few weeks, so I will def be getting some advice before I go through it this time.
I'm in a similar position (DD will be 22 months when this one is due) & I'm worried about how I'll cope too.
However I keep telling myself that plenty of people I know have had children less than two years apart & yes it was hard at first, but they've all successfully got through it. One of my friends even had twin girls when her first DD was only 18months, now THAT was hard work for the first 6 months, but the twins are now 2 & they've all survived.
We've just got to believe that we CAN do it. I'm expecting the first couple of months to pass very quickly, as we'll probably not have a moment to spare.....
you can do it and if you have PND, it does not make you a bad mum.
try and get some help, freeze meals before baby born, etc. and try to rest postpartum-i tried to do too much too soon.
Age gap is fab, 15 months between mine and they play with each other beautifully (now 2.10 and 4) and each say that the other is their best friend.
Everyone told me it would be hard and I worried so much about it I was scared to be left on my own with them both for weeks after dd was born. Then one day dh had to go away for a few days and that was it. I realised it was hard but not nearly as hard as I thought and I was easily "doable". I had let my own fears overwhelm me.
See if you can have help around as much as possible for the first few weeks and gradually expose yourself to dealing with them both on your own while you have someone there to help you if needed.
I'm quite worried about not coping too. When DS was born, he was straight into SCBU with meningitis so everything was very dramatic after his birth. Then when he was home, i remember getting really really upset when he cried, which he did 90% of the time for the first six months. The first six months were horrible and I didn't enjoy it at all. I'm really worried that this baby will turn out the same, but at the same time, i think as i'm older now - 17 years older in fact - i would be more able to cope with a screaming baby. I also have a feeling that this baby will be chilled out. I hope it's just not wishful thinking! I do worry about possibly getting PND, but i'm trying to be optimistic about it and will ask for help if i need it, without question. I think with DS it was all about proving myself to everyone as a first time mum at the tender age of 22.
I think the hormones are only more noticable this time round because you have to look after a child!
My DD is nearly 2 and I feel a lot more hormonal and my patience is almost non-existant! I totally sympathise with you on this one!
I got PND the first time round but managed to cope on my own but am worried that this time it'll get out of hand.
I'm starting to think also, that these worries aren't doing me (or you!) any good though, so am going to start talking it through with DH (if he can concentrate on me for that long !! LOL)
Anywho, we're all here for you (I know it's not the same as having someone ACTUALLY there to help but at the very least you might get a half decent adult conversation here LOL) and there are lots of us all going through the same things.
My brain's just gone completely numb!! DD started singing to me and I got distracted so sorry if I've not been much help (or I've ended this in the middle of a point LOL)
I'm sure there's a way for us all to cope with these things it's just a case of finding our own way, it'll take time and a bit of effort, good days and bad days, but we'll get there, it's part of the survival instinct!!
anyway. . . . . she's singing again!!
i'm feeling alot more positive, and i'm going to ask IL's to not say anything if they don't have anything positive to say. I CAN do it, even if it will be blooming hard. People manage with less support than i have.
Trying to look on the bright side.
And i'm much nicer and happier today than i have been for a week, so maybe the hormones have passed......maybe!!
Good luck - you are right, you can and wll manage!
I was in your position about a year ago. I now have a 5yo ds, 18mo ds, 10wk old dd, and another one on the way! I'm totally pooing my pants as is my dp. But we will manage because we have to.
Sod the house work etc and ask for help when you need it, I dont really find it much harder than it all ready was
Saw this on another site.....
"My hands are full, but so is my heart"
awwwwwwwww tell that one to the IL's
Also wanted to say it's probably good you are thinking and worrying about it all now, means you will be more prepared and willing to ask for help if needed.
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