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I saw an awful midwife today and feel really down about it

(17 Posts)
goingfor3 Tue 26-Jun-07 12:47:18

The midwife couldn't even use her dating wheel to work out when I would be 16 and 20 weeks so she tried to use the calender and failed, I worked it out for her. She had a check list of things she had to ask me about and read the first one and just ticked out the whole list because she couldn't be bothered to do the rest. She wrote the wrong month on my blood test request form and just generally stressed me out with her incompetence. I don't ever want to see her again!

purpleturtle Tue 26-Jun-07 12:51:06

Are you stuck with her? A friend of mine managed to change when she didn't hit it off with her midwife last year.

goingfor3 Tue 26-Jun-07 12:54:13

I had to go and see the odctor after and he left the room for a while and another midwife wondered in. I asked her if I would always see the same and she said if you are lucky, I commented that I found the midwife I saw really draining, she said she was new and would probably move to the delivery suite - really didn't make me feel any better!

Princesspowersparkle Tue 26-Jun-07 12:56:47

Hi goingfor3, you can request not to see her again. I'd try that.
Sorry you had such a bad experience.

DaisyMOO Tue 26-Jun-07 12:57:00

Was this at the hospital or your community midwife?

littleducks Tue 26-Jun-07 12:57:11

Is she fully qualified or a student? Community or hosp as you will probably never get the same one twice in hospital anyway so don't worry. Otherwise leave it till after your next appointment, see if it IS her and if she is still bad and request another midwife, i think you ask the directior of maternity services/head of midwifery but someone who knows more will tell you more

bluebell82 Tue 26-Jun-07 13:02:22

I changed mine, she was exactly the same as yours, trhe last straw came when I received my mat exemption card for dental and perscriptions.. apparnetly I had already had my baby on 25th May ... funny that.. she made me cry as I am going on holiday at the end of my 13th week and she said she would 'try' to get me a scan booked in before I went on holiday ... I persisted that I needed to know everything was OK before I went to a foregn country, ddidn't seem to give a jot and just said a private scan can be arranged at a cost of £80 and said that was the cost of a pair shoes these days.. completely sacked off a nice lenghty letter explaning that I didn't want a midwife who pushed such dramatic home birth views on a first timer who had had two mc in the past- vile woman would cross the street!.... so yu are not alone make sure you voice your opinions because you want to feel secure in your care!

goingfor3 Tue 26-Jun-07 13:12:04

The midwife was fully qulified though you would never have guessed because she lack basic literacy and numeracy skills. I don't have another midwives appointment booked so hopefully I can aviod seeing her again. It's in a hospital and the midwife I saw last time was there so they obviously don't believe in continuity of care!

MamaMaiasaura Tue 26-Jun-07 13:18:06

Just seen this tread. Sorry you had a shitty midwife. I think you can request not to have her, sounds like she is only recently qualified and may need abit more hands on experience before doing the community bit.

I dont know if you remember but I had an awful booking in with midwife at my clinic. I ended up calling up and speaking to other midife as I didnt feel very reassured by the first one. The other midwife was lvoely, she came out and did another booking in appointment with me on a Saturday. She answered all my questions and seemed really competent.

I personally would contact surgery find out how many midwifes in team etc and as if you can speak to one of the others. xx

hugs ((goingfor3)) doesnt help that we are stressed out enough and hormonal anyway.

MadMumsy Tue 26-Jun-07 13:20:28

I had this problem with one of my MW years ago. I took hubby along the next time and he made a few comments . The next time I went, she was so helpful and thoughtful and a totally different person - if this doesn't work request a change. You must feel safe with your MW - it makes all the difference if you are relaxed with her. I also think that I pay her wages (with my taxes) and I deserve good treatment.

Rainbowdays Tue 26-Jun-07 13:21:59

Goingfor3 - sorry to hear that you had a rotten midwife today, I have come across a few of those too, if you see her coming again ask for someoneelse, having said that I managed to get a horrible midwife back again after the birth at home, and was just too tired to tell her where to go when she started giving stupid advice and mis-information. My mum was there (had not seen her previously) and stood open mouthed afterwards at the stupid woman comments. I just hope you don't have to come into contact with that midwife again. {{{hugs}}}

flightattendant Tue 26-Jun-07 13:24:16

god, she sounds hopeless
Perhaps she had something going on in her life and was totally distracted, but if so she shouldn't be at work.
I hope you manage to avoid her in future, I hated one of our community team but she wasn't on call when I had my homebirth, so I didn't have to see her again after about 38 weeks. I was dreading giving birth with her present.
But her comments during the pregnancy always made me feel like cr*p.

Sorry you had to put up with her

Miaou Tue 26-Jun-07 13:24:55

goingfor3, you have my sympathy; I would guess that not seeing the same m/w throughout can be an advantage in this situation! I had a midwife like that throughout most of my pregnancy - being in a rural area I always saw her each time. Like yours, mine was totally incompetent. Fortunately I moved house so am now in a different area with fantastic midwives, but it really highlighted to me the poor care I was getting. The last straw for me was when my new (good) midwife pointed out that she had put the wrong blood group on my notes!! If I hadn't moved I would have complained and refused to see her again; as it is I am going to write a letter to complain about her incompetence.

mandler Tue 26-Jun-07 14:13:43

Hi there - I find it so depressing that at such a vulnerable time you have to put up with rubbish care.

I posted a message on here a while ago as I had an awful booking in experience and second antenatal appointment at 22 weeks was with a bored GP who found me and my first time questions so dull she didn't answer any of them! The general consensus here was sometimes it is just like that. But depending where you live, you might not ever see that midwife again.

I have promised myself that next time I will stick up for myself more! You/we all deserve better!

Jbck Tue 26-Jun-07 18:57:59

I've changed my community appointments to my own health centre (there are a couple of other community clinics available in my town) I much prefer the girl at my own one & you should always see the same one, obviously she has to have holidays & such but I might miss those periods anyway. She just made me feel so much more re-assured about niggly things that were worrying me. The girl I would have continured to see at the other one took my BP 9 times in one appt as it was a bit high then (despite it still being 140/88 the last time, it's normally 115/70) told me to get a follow up in 4 weeks. She didn't suggest I get checked if I felt any symptoms or maybe come in a fortnight although I had said it concerned me a bit. I was only 15 weeks so obviously still in the fairly early stages where things worry you more. It's much nicer when you find one you like & even better when you see them regularly.
If you're not happy say so, it's too important not to. Hope you find someone you click with.

lisad123 Tue 26-Jun-07 19:26:22

I would defo ask to change. With my first i didnt feel strong enough to ask to change but felt terrible, as every question i asked her answer was "oh you dont need to worry about that". She failed to do basic checks and missed some clear signs of pre eclampicia and lost waters. Im a lot strong this time but have a nice midwife. Be strong.


goingfor3 Tue 26-Jun-07 19:35:30

Thanks for making me see that I'm not just being hormonal and over sensitive. I really don't like hurting peoples feelings so find asking to see someone else very difficult. I have to go to see an aneathatist in a weeks time in the ante-natal clinic and by the sounds of it will also have to see the midwife( I had to ring the clinic to clarify when I needed to have my pre op bloods and they said I will see a midwife when I see the dr next week), the dr's seem unable to see you unless you have see the midwife for urine and blood pressure check! I will have to say something if I have to see her again as I already feel stressed about the op and need to ne calm and collected when I see the dr so he doesn't think I'm generally over anxious.

I think I will ask to be seen at my local dr's surgery as suggested by Jbck, hopefully she doesn't do the clinic there!

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