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Would you be pi**ed off.. or am I being out of order!!!!!

(31 Posts)
twoplusone Sun 24-Jun-07 11:48:07

I am 37wks today with my third pg..

My other two children dd 10yrs and ds 3yrs..

My dh seems to think that if I have a lie in on say saturday.. that he gets sunday.. which is ok I suppose.. but ds gets up about 6am so today I got up with him at 5.45am.. By 8am I couldnt keep my eyes open I am just so drained.. so I woke up dh and said we need to swap I am knackered.. I woke up at 11am, Got up even though still knackered from the week of runnning after ds..( who is like a whirlwind from the moment he gets up till he goes to bed..) as there is a families day on camp and thought it would be nice to go , as outings are fairly limited, with shortage of funds etc..
As soon as I get up DH says he is going to bed!!!!

It pi**ed me off as all week I am on my own whilst he is at work (fair enough) but friday (which he has donew for the last 3-4 fridays!!) when he could have come home he went on the piss instead and got bevvied.. (was in a worse state than I thought.. this is why he is knackered today as he didnt dare go back to bed yesterday..!!)

I still do 95% of the house work.. eventhough I have asked him to do the bath as bending over it is now uncomfortable.. but no I stillhave to do it he conviniantly forgets.. also the washing.. our washing machine is in the cellar.. and going up and down 2 flights of stairs..with washing all day.. is knackering.. but he will just sit (aaaggghhh) unless I say something!! But I am stubborn.... Then the ironing is all left for me to do too..

Reading back things seem to be little things but to me it is big at the moment.. I suppose I have answered my own question and it is me.... (or shall I blame the hormaones!! )

The big question re being unreasonable.. is should I be pi**ed of with DH wanting to go back to bed as a tit for tat thing that I have had an extra 2hrs than him!!?? (Which when I am not pg doenst normally happen btw)

LucyJones Sun 24-Jun-07 11:51:16

I would be peed off too.
He needs to pull his wright more now that you're heavily pregnant.

RGPargy Sun 24-Jun-07 11:56:33

He's a selfish git!!!!!!!!

To see you struggling when you're very heavily pregnant is just bloody mean.

YANBU!!!!!

beansprout Sun 24-Jun-07 11:56:38

Tit for tat is fine when all things are equal, but that is not the case now. He should be supporting you more.

Princesspowersparkle Sun 24-Jun-07 14:19:25

You are not being unreasonable! You are heavily PG and could give birth at any time- you need you rest!!! As for him going out on the lash for the last 3/4 Fris I'd seriously be having some words with him!!!
xx

FrannyandZooey Sun 24-Jun-07 14:22:30

He might be panicking a bit about the impending birth, hence getting hammered on Friday

not saying he has done the right thing, but maybe understandable - I think we forget men get emotional too about big changes like this, but often struggle to express their feelings. Going out on the piss can be a release from worrying, and also a last chance to party before the demands of the new baby kick in

Hope you feel less tired tomorrow - can you get to bed early tonight?

Scootergrrrl Sun 24-Jun-07 14:22:54

Send him back to the hot place if you know what I mean...
How's it going over in sunny Javelin apart from daft husband?

twoplusone Sun 24-Jun-07 15:17:31

Scootergrrrl- another 6-7months and he will be back in the hot sunny place!!!!.. After a few courses inbetween back in the uK... am preparing myself now for being on my own with three kids for the best part of next year the way things are going.. (And back end of this, so far he is away for a week in spetember.. 6 weeks starting oct, home for a week, then back in the uK for 10days in nov.. home for dec then off to the sunny place..!!

other than hubby at the moment things arent too bad over here in Javlin.. One of my mates is moving to JHQ next week, cant wait...

How are things with you..

Thanks to everyone for the replies... xx will be having a chat with DH later once the kids have gone to bed.. (whilst I am doing the ironing!)

Peachy Sun 24-Jun-07 15:36:31

DH says its not on and Dh normally defends menfolk lol

Its only for a few weeks- surely he can make an effort! Its not that hard is it?

MrsMar Sun 24-Jun-07 16:05:13

The wierd thing I don't get is how so many people don't get how tiring it is being pregnant. I think I'm about 50% more tired than normal, so doing the normal amount of houseeork or whatever is killing me. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, after all, you're only pregnant for 9 months, what's with a little understanding for that short time? It's not like you're saying you need him to look after the children all weekend after having been at work all week, for the rest of your lives, just for the last few weeks of pregnancy. I don't think it's too much to ask at all.

Scootergrrrl Sun 24-Jun-07 16:53:47

Not too bad here. DH is off on a course in Italy (it's a hard life...)

BeachBunni Sun 24-Jun-07 19:09:20

Not unreasonable at all. I would be seriously cheesed off. Make up a bad back or something and leave the housework to him. I've warned dp no drinking at all in the last month - it's the least he can do after I've been off it. After all you could go into labour any time and need to get the hospital.

fruitful Sun 24-Jun-07 19:17:41

They completely don't get it, do they?

He needs to wear one of these for a week.

BeachBunni Sun 24-Jun-07 19:27:34

Oh I seen one of them on that Jordan and Peter program. He couldn't get over how uncomfortable it felt and how much effort everything took. I want one!!

Hopeitwontbebig Mon 25-Jun-07 09:47:35

I'd be pretty pissed off TBH.

I think with men, on the housework front, DON'T SEE IT!!!! I've had years and years with my DH where I've wanted him to offer to help. But he never does. Which always resulted in me getting annoyed.

It turned out that it just didn't occur to him to offer to help . Anyway, he said that if I need help I must ask him, because he's kind of blind to it all. He does help if I ask him now.

I still hate having to ask though!

Anyone else's DH like that?

twoplusone Mon 25-Jun-07 09:51:29

hopeitwontbebig- That is the exact response I got of my DH last night whilst we were having our vhat.. I should ask!!.. But I dont see why i should have to.. Gouing to have to swallow my pride and ask him to do things for the next few weeks and see how we get on.

He did appologise to me though for not helping with the housework..

On the sleeping front he kept saying how knackered he is after working hi arse of all week.. Which I understand, but still pi**es me of, I have told him to try and carry an extra person inside him abnd carry on as perfectly normal , then we will see how he feels..

Hopeitwontbebig Mon 25-Jun-07 09:54:52

I feel EXACTLY the same as you!!!! WHY SHOULD BE HAVE TO ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LucyK1978 Mon 25-Jun-07 09:59:54

Yes, my DH is EXACTLY like that!! He says he genuinely doesn't 'see' the things that need doing around the house (I believe it is boy vision), and so NEVER thinks to do them. But if I ask him "honey, can you please...." then yes sure he will do it no problem. But I'm the same as you and hate to ask him outright to do stuff, I'd much rather him offer. (Oops maybe I'm just never happy?!)

And even if he is doing somehing to help for a change, then I feel compelled to keep busy or help him, as I feel guilty if I sit down for 10 mins while he's doing housework - whereas he can quite merrily watch a whole Grand Prix guilt free while I do the hosuework / ironing / cook sunday dinner etc!!

cupcake78 Mon 25-Jun-07 10:02:56

Yes you should be pissed off and I have to honest and say you have the patients of a saint. I would have flipped by now even if I wasn't pregnant.

WinnieThePooh Mon 25-Jun-07 10:06:40

My DP is the same.

The other week I realised that I did not have any pasta sauce for the dinner. I said to him that I need to go to the shop to get some and he said "Are you getting the bus?" NOT "Would you like me to go for you?"

I then seethed as I walked the 10 minutes there and 15 minutes back (it is uphill on the way back)and had a row with him when I got back. He could have driven there and back in about 5 minutes. I am not as far on at the OP (25 weeks now), but was diagnosed with Placenta Previa at my 22 week scan. He could have driven there and back in about 5 minutes.

Men just do not think and need to be asked. I know that we SHOULD NOT have to ask, but they just do not see it.

Hopeitwontbebig Mon 25-Jun-07 10:15:38

Hmm, there definitely seems to be a common theme here doesn't there!!

fruitful Mon 25-Jun-07 10:25:20

The moral of the story is - train your sons to do housework as soon as they can walk.

Coolmama Mon 25-Jun-07 10:37:42

this might well set a few teeth on edge, but here goes anyway -
I don't see why you all have a problem with asking for some help at home, chores etc -
What is the problem ? "oh" you say " DP/DH should offer"
Well that has to be one of the most idiot things to say.
First, men are generally quite oblivious to most of this - they really just don't get it. It's what allows them to leave wet towels on the floor and not be bothered etc.
Repeat after me - "Men are simple creatures and need to have everything explained to them"
Part of the reason that men don't offer is because you seem to him to have it all undr control.
So, if you ask him ot run you to the shop for pasta sauce, you might well be suprised that he says fine.
Men do take direction very well, you just need to speak up instead of seething yourself into a complete hissy fit and then, when it all explodes, your DP/DH is left standing bewildered, thinking "WTF just happened" or "my sife really is crazy"
If you are getting resentful about not having your needs met in your relationship, then there is only one question to ask -
Have you told your D/DH what those needs are or are you expecting him to be a mind-reader?
And second question, so how is this whole "mind-reading"thing working out for you?

twoplusone Mon 25-Jun-07 11:51:25

coolmama-i know what you are saying and know you are right.. bnut i just dont see why i should have to ask.. But as I stated earlier I am going to have to swallow my pride and ask so that I dont flip.. and lose my insanity all together..

GillL Mon 25-Jun-07 12:41:05

My dh annoyed me the other night. I'm 32 weeks pg and getting quite uncomfortable and it's getting more difficult to do things. I spent the best part of 2 hours cooking, washing up and doing washing. I asked dh to take the cat to the vets and he did this very grudgingly. When I asked him to take dd to bed (which takes about 5 minutes) he muttered under his breath "I'll do everything shall I". When I asked him what that meant he just ignored me. I felt like the 2 hours I had spent cooking and cleaning after a full day at work wasn't appreciated.

Dh has to be asked to do things, which I don't mind. It doesn't occur to him that we need to dust, hoover, clean the bathroom etc. It's when he complains about doing it that gets to me. I have to do everything for dd. He has never once bathed her (she's 2) and only puts her to bed when I feel too tired (which he sees as a chore). I know that when the new baby is born he will still expect me to do everything because he's been at work all day. I don't know why he thinks sitting on his backside all day at a computer screen is harder work than housework and looking after kids. I work full time and it's much easier being at work than at home. I just have to accept that this is the way he is and if I want him to do something then I'll have to ask. He's not going to change.

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