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Visitors after birth

(117 Posts)
Lacey31 Fri 19-Oct-18 07:18:40

DH and I are expecting our first child and have in laws round the corner and my parents a 5 hour drive away. My parents are easy going and flexible and will do whatever so if I say come down straight away they will, or they'll happily wait a few days to visit. The in laws will want to be there as much as possible I fear.

Can anyone advise me how soon they felt ok for people to visit the baby? Even if just popping in for a few hours?

PotteringAlong Fri 19-Oct-18 07:21:34

It’s only on mumsnet that everyone seems to hide away for weeks. In the real world, everyone I know had people (mainly grandparents) come to visit either at the hospital or at home (depending on how long you were in hospital for) within the first 24 hours of the birth.

Lilbear14 Fri 19-Oct-18 07:26:24

My parents and brothers have always visited me in hospital a few hours after birth.

I don't mind having visitors after the first day home. I find people don't stay long either because all the baby does is sleep so it's just usually like a pass through sort of thing for me which is fine. Aslong as we are given warning and people just don't turn up they are welcome.

SoyDora Fri 19-Oct-18 07:28:01

My mum was 3 hours away with my first and she came after 2 days (the soonest she had a day off work), for a few hours. Think my dad (also 3 hours away) came a couple of days later, again for a few hours.
With my second my parents and in laws were at my house when we got back from the hospital, which was 4 hours after she was born! Parents were close by then so just popped in and out, IL’s stayed with us for 2 weeks after the birth (I don’t recommend that!).
If your parents are supportive and helpful then have them whenever!

SoyDora Fri 19-Oct-18 07:28:47

No one visited in hospital as j was home within 4 hours of giving birth both times.

meow1989 Fri 19-Oct-18 07:28:53

PIL visited in hospital when DS was 14 hours old, my DM, sister and brother in law came a few hours after that. My dad came on day 3 as he wanted to let us settle in and wider family came when DS was about 8 days old onwards. If relevant, I had a c section and was still breastfeeding at the time. Throughout pregnancy DH and I were clear (but not rude!) that we would let people know when we were ready and that although we had some visitors first week, we mainly wanted to adapt to being a family of three.

Whereland Fri 19-Oct-18 07:29:09

Yes on Mumsnet people lock the doors and draw the curtains for three weeks.. it's bizarre.
I was discharged home 12 hours after giving birth and my PILs visited that evening. They stayed for about an hour. My parents live 3 hours away and visited a day or two later for a few hours.

Nellyelora Fri 19-Oct-18 07:29:58

In an ideal world I would have preferred no visitors for a week or so but some people are desperate to show off their baby - there's no right or wrong in this situation, just see how you feel.

My PIL came round as soon as we came home from hospital and my parents visited a few days later (and needed to stay longer due to longer travelling distance). Both my MIL and DM were expecting to be hosted by me (not DP - this is important) which sucked but not everyone is like this!

Phillipa12 Fri 19-Oct-18 07:30:48

I loved having visitors at the hospital, but then my inlaws and friends never out stay their welcome, i wanted to show my babies off and its also deeply boring in hospital. Oh and all 4 of my dc were sections, 1 emcs and 3 elcs.

Whymustyoubringinthebirds Fri 19-Oct-18 07:31:51

I had my Mum and MIL vist in the hospital at the 1st set of visting hours which was about 8hrs after birth. Probably would have been fine from about 5hrs after birth if that’s when visting time was (and I had 48hrs of early labour, 57hrs total, forceps, episiotomy and I lost 4 pints of blood) I had visitors that night also and then a constant flow when I got home
I didn’t mind it gave me a chance for a cuppa and a chat 😊

cushioncuddle Fri 19-Oct-18 07:33:00

It all depends on you. Do you like company, are you reserved etc. It's different for everyone.
I saw my grandson an hour after he was born so did the other grandparents , her brother and his great grandparents.
However my daughter was desperate for us to meet him. She is very laid back and loves being round people. So that was fine. Go with how you feel not what others think.

Lilbear14 Fri 19-Oct-18 07:35:52

@whereland it's not just on Mumsnet. I have known people to really go hard on relatives on friends about visiting. Some have even posted really horrible things on social media basicly telling family to stay away and it really ruffled feathers as people were really excited for them and they were basicly shot down. I get that it's each to their own but there's ways of doing it.

OP on that note, if you do want some space just be polite about it (not saying you wouldn't be) and people should respect it. Everyone has different feelings and you could feel completely different once baby is born.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 19-Oct-18 07:37:07

My rule was that I wasn't going to receive visitors until I felt well enough to get dressed. I was in hospital for 5 days after DD was born and saw in laws 2 days after we were discharged.

Mumof1andacat Fri 19-Oct-18 07:40:19

I was in for 5 days. No visitors allowed at hospital due to noro virus. My parents came round the day after I got home and others in the days after

DrWhy Fri 19-Oct-18 07:40:52

I was home 12 hours after giving birth, my PIL were there that afternoon a few hours later. Unlike a PP I found it bloody awful. I was in a lot of pain from stitches, bleeding heavily, had a hungry baby but milk hadn’t come in yet, needed to establish feeding etc. I could have coped with a quick half hour visit and coo over the baby but as they live 7 hours drive away they then stayed in a nearby hotel for several days, kept ‘popping by’ on one occasion sat in the car on the drive as I was having stitches checked by the midwife and DH wouldn’t let them in, I usually get on well with my PIL but it was intrusive and horrible.
My Mum and Sister came after about 10 days for a couple of days and then mum stayed with us for a week or so when DH went back to work. That was much better but I still feel guilty that she didn’t get to see DS until much later.
No idea how to handle it this time, my plan had been just not to tell PIL until baby was actually here and wait a few hours so that they at least couldn’t get here until the next day but now I’m waiting to find out if I’ll be induced, which might mean needing more childcare so my mum coming up (which DH will hate). My PIL will be even worse this time as it’s a girl and FIL is obsessed with having a granddaughter. Frankly it’s a minefield.

HenryInTheTunnel Fri 19-Oct-18 07:43:11

I delivered my son at around 5pm and both sets of GPs came at 7pm! I was still in the delivery room getting ready to be moved onto post natal.

I would never have prevented this as it was so important for them to see their first grandchild. They didn't stay very long, and i didn't remember much as i was still off my face and hadn't slept in over 36 hours. I'm pleased they got to meet DS when he was so new. I wanted them to feel involved.

lambdroid Fri 19-Oct-18 07:44:30

I had my first at home and had my parents, brother and sister over about 20 minutes after, actually in between baby and placenta! I had a relatively long labour, about 34 hours at that point, it was late and I still had stuff to do so they didn’t stay long but it was really nice.

We had my partner’s family over the next afternoon for a few hours, then my sister again. We then took the baby over to somebody the day after that.

I loved the constant stream of visitors, even with no sleep and while struggling with breastfeeding, but an certain a straightforward birth was part of that. I wouldn’t have an issue with telling people to wait if I didn’t feel up to it.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain Fri 19-Oct-18 07:50:40

I had DD in the morning, and my mum and sister came in during lunchtime visiting, and again with Dad and my PIL that evening. Same again the next day.

I was in hospital for two days and bored stiff, so I was delighted to see anyone!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Fri 19-Oct-18 07:59:32

When I had DD both sets of GP's came to visit in hospital later that day. I was so exhausted and out of it I couldn't have cared less who was there to be honest and it worked out well as it meant we then got a day or two to ourselves at home.

Sexnotgender Fri 19-Oct-18 08:05:28

I’m 26+6 and my parents are local so will pop by either when I’m in hospital or when I’m home depending on how long I’m in. They are looking after DD so will be around anyway.

My in laws I have asked for minimum of 3 weeks post birth before they visit as they are coming from overseas and will need to stay with us.

RememberWhenRibenaTastedNice Fri 19-Oct-18 08:20:56

It very much depends. My first baby had colic and would scream night and day. It was horrific and I was in pyjamas for 2 weeks because if he actually fell asleep it was always on me and I could barely move an inch or the crying would start again. Or he was crying and I was trying to help him.
I was a mess.
Visitors were welcome but they would see me at my worst.

DS2 was different, he never cried. A few days old and I was down the pub with friends having a huge roast dinner to celebrate his arrival (no alcohol obvs!) and visitors were welcome from the start.

I don't understand the 'hide yourself away' brigade. It's so bloody boring. Why would you hide for a week? 2 or 3?
I'd be climbing the walls with boredom.

I don't make a very good STAHP though.

sparkles212 Fri 19-Oct-18 08:52:00

Do what feels right to you and be firm when telling people that you'll let them know when they can come as you (really) don't know how you'll be feeling. I gave birth Monday night and on Tuesday I was happy to let MIL and my brother and dad come to visit in hosp. However I haven't wanted anyone to visit at home yet as it's been too much of a shock to the system and we're all over the place with feeding/exhaustion etc - would definitely want my mum here though if she were still here so it's all about your personal preference but you'll only know once you've given birth x

BigRedBoat Fri 19-Oct-18 08:58:48

I wouldn't really class my mum as a 'visitor', more of a helper but it does depend what kind of relationship you have with your parents, are they going to bring you tea and snacks and be generally helpful or are they going to want to hold the baby while you wait on them?

chloechloe Fri 19-Oct-18 09:05:55

lacey It really doesn’t matter what other people did or how soon they felt up to visitors. You have no idea how you will feel after the birth - you might be on cloud nine and desperate to show off the baby or you might want some peace and quiet. Just be non-committal and say you’ll let them know when you’re ready. It’s good that your parents are really easy going and will respect your wishes.

My first two were born late evening and PiL rocked up first thing in the morning despite living in another country. I’m of the “lock yourself away” antisocial variety and with no. 3 I’ll be putting my foot down. I haven’t told DH yet as it will no doubt cause a drama. But I don’t want people around when I’m heavily bleeding with engorged boobs and impacted bowels. Nor to have to ask them to leave the room so a midwife can inspect my bits or so I can try to latch a newborn on whilst squirting milk everywhere.

I had a CS with my first and a VBAC with my second and was up and about really quickly with both. BUT in my own home and when in hospital I just want to be left alone with some privacy.

QueenOfMyWorld Fri 19-Oct-18 09:28:02

I had people the next day but I wanted people probably 4 or 5 days later.Do what you and do want,noone else.

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