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Really need some advice

(5 Posts)
Keemora Fri 10-Aug-18 18:30:56

Hi everyone.. My first post so not too sure what to expect. So I'm 20 weeks preg with my first baby and it hasn't been easy. A little back story I had an abortion last year as I fell preg with an absolute waste of space and couldn't bring a child up but I learned my lesson because it was the worse pain I have ever felt in my life. So a few months on and I thought I was dealing with it by suppressing what I went through and not talking about it but it all came back up when I found out I was pregnant with this baby.
I would love some advice because I'm emotionally and mentally drained.
The father of this baby has done everything possible to me. He is 24 and chose that his life and women are more important than his child and has chose to have nothing with him which I am struggling with. The father has lied to me about his dad having a stroke to make me feel guilty enough to have an abortion, he told me that he will resent me and this baby for the rest of his life. He said that he was bought up to be in a loving relationship before having a child (we only saw each other for about a month then he ghosted).
Then after messing with me emotionally he has completely disappeared, will not reply to any messages, hasn't checked on me once. I've even tried contacting his mother and she has completely ignored me.
So this is all making this difficult because I also suffer from mental health problems. I have cried majority of the pregnancy than I have been happy. I've tried my hardest to pick myself up and tell myself I can do this but I really cannot get my head around someone doing this and posting pictures and videos of himself like nothing has happened.
I have some sort of support from my family and friends but they all keep saying basically get over it and there's women out there that can do it on their own so why can't you. Which is making me feel even more guilty.
I just feel like I've let my little one down because of the choice I made to lay down with his dad but I couldn't put myself through another abortion.
Oh and the dad had the nerve to try and promise me that if I had an abortion that he will stick around.
I just don't want my son to hate me and resent me for his father and grandparents wanting nothing to do with him. This will be their first grandchild and the fathers first baby.
I'm crying as I'm writing this because I just feel so much guilt.
Please help, if anyone has any advice
Thank you smile

cholka Fri 10-Aug-18 18:42:50

Right, so. What's done is done. You're having a baby. No point worrying about the past, you need to find the bits of your life that are stable and build on them.
It sounds like the dad's not going to step up, and his family don't want to be involved. If that's the case, leave the door open to them taking a role but assume they won't. You need to find the people in your life who will be there for you and other sources of support (local advice centres, groups, social workers etc).
It's not going to be easy, but you can do it!

Keemora Fri 10-Aug-18 18:49:07

Thank you so much and I know what's done is done and thinking about my baby is what's stopping me from going over the edge.
I'm such a private person and talking about my problems to other people is not something I usually do so I'm struggling with local meetings and so on.
I know things will get better but right now truthfully I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel

balljuggla Fri 10-Aug-18 21:51:32

OP, this sounds so tough thanks You've been through a lot in such a short time. The pregnancy hormones will be making it extra hard.
Please don't feel guilty or blame yourself anymore. Your baby's father and family are the ones in the wrong, not you. Your baby will adore you and you will be their world! Have you told your midwife/GP that you're struggling as they may be able to refer you for some help, eg counselling?

Keemora Sat 11-Aug-18 18:20:42

balljuggla thank you for your kind words and it has been absolute hell.
I have been to my GP and working very closely with a special team but nothing seems to be helping. I think I'm struggling to get my head around the fact that they are in the wrong and they know it but yet they choose to pretend like everything is OK :-(

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