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Pregnant and considering abortion

(12 Posts)
Bexsley Fri 10-Aug-18 17:06:06

Hi all. I have just found out that I am pregnant. I have a DD who has just turned three and a four month old. So if I went ahead the baby would be born when my youngest is 13 months. My husband and I didn't want anymore children so this is a curve ball that neither of us expected. It has been a great shock for my husband's 40th which is also today!

So I suppose I don't really know how I feel and neither does my husband. Obviously financially it wouldn't be great, we'd have to change cars, holidays would be an issue etc, we wouldn't be able to afford childcare and neither of us have any family to turn too. Then there is the concern of the strain it would put on our relationship and is it fair to our other two children? Especially as one is so little.. But then on the flip side it's a life and how could I say no? It's not the child's fault. And could I really go through with an abortion?? I dont
think I'm too far along, maybe 4-5 weeks.
I've booked into a bpas clinic for a consultation and a dating scan but that isn't set in stone. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and is there any advice? X

Emmafh3 Fri 10-Aug-18 21:48:10

You can have an abortion up to 20ish weeks I believe.
I haven't been in that situation my self. Quite the opposite.
But can very much sympathise with the worry of finance, childcare, and the stress on your relationship.
With regards to it being unfair on the children I think is mute. I'm one of 6, we've all grown up differently but that doesn't mean having 6 of us was any worse than 5 of us. Children are resilient and only know what they have.
I think you need to have some time to yourself to really consider how having an abortion would make you feel not only at the time, but in 5 or 10 years from now.
Your dp I think should also have a say.
If it is something that will break you both and make you strangers and not be able to give 100% to each other and your current children, then also consider that. Which I'm sure you are. But sometimes you need to see it written, I know I do.
Good luck, and never feel bad for some of the hate you will get for either decision. flowers

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire Fri 10-Aug-18 21:58:05

You are brave for writing here its a hard decision but reading your post and I could be wrong I get a sense that you already know What you want to do. Its such a hard decision. Thinking of you

Sandstormbrewing Fri 10-Aug-18 22:42:49

Only you can answer what the right thing for you is.

I'm in a similar situation however chose to keep the baby. I'm not entirely happy with the decision, but just taking it one day at a time.

Ultimately I just couldn't go through with it. If I had been earlier on I may have done it.

myotherbagisgucci Fri 10-Aug-18 22:52:14

This a tough one OP, and I really feel for you! I haven't got any advice, other than I was taking to the receptionist at the midwife clinic this morning and she had 3 children under 3. The youngest two have only 11 months between each other.

I asked her how hard was it coping, as I'm 9 weeks with DC2 and DC1 is only 7 months and I'm a little scared.

She explained that there were moments that were difficult, but overall watching them grow, play and share together was the happiest time in her life.

She said that she probably wouldn't of chosen to have them so close together, but is glad that it happened, as now they're all in their 20's, and are best friends.

I hope this helps and I wish you all the luck with whatever you decide to do! thanks

Bexsley Sat 11-Aug-18 07:55:25

Thank you everyone. I was worried about posting something so controversial and the backlash I might have received but I'm so relieved that everyone is being so level headed about it. It has made me feel a bit more confident about it all. I suppose we figured we were done so the thought of another is scary.

I was upset for my youngest as we tried a long time for her (with 2 false starts) so I feel bad as she wouldn't get the dedicated time I wanted to give her. I already feel she is ignored! I suppose I am concerned she'd be the 'forgotten middle child', if that makes sense.. (probably doesn't!)

There is one other thing I forgot to mention, my 4 months old was a big baby (10lb2) and I'm only 5"3 so there has been a lot of damage to my spine and stomach which I'm still having physio for. So my husband is very concerned of the permanent damage that could do to me by having another pregnancy.

It's such a hard decision and one I never ever thought I would have to make but by having another I would have to give up my career (which wouldn't be a bad thing) but money wise we would be going backwards each month. Which even though it shouldn't be a factor we have to consider the impact that would have on the two we already have. Trying to think practically with our heads, the answer is not to allow it to continue, but the heart screams the opposite 😕

Hz25 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:13:47

Hi there, I have a boy who is 9 I have just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. My current partner has another child also. He is adamant this baby will ruin all our lives and is adamant I terminate. He said if I don't it will be the end of him. I am booked in for a termination for the sake of everybody else what do I do?

myotherbagisgucci Sat 11-Aug-18 10:19:59

Crikey @Hz25 that's something only you can answer. But I think having a termination for someone else probably isn't the best reason to do it.
Is there anyone else you could speak to about it, other than your partner?

Hz25 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:26:27

I have spoken to my friend and mum who think I will regret the decision. My partner has been very unsupportive and does not get why I feel so sad. He thinks I am delusional even considering keeping the baby. He said it will ruin the current kids lives as well as his and keeping the baby would be selfish. Financially it would be hard but people get by. I am so confused

43percentburnt Sat 11-Aug-18 10:33:54

Hz25 I am sorry you are in such a difficult position. sadly his attitude may mean your relationship breaks down anyway. Can you take some breathing space away from him and focus on what you want to do? If you terminate against your own wishes your relationship will suffer. If you continue he may leave. Can you manage alone? Do you have a support network? Take care of yourself and surround yourself by people who can empathise with your situation. The last thing you need is pressure.

Maybe repost your own thread in relationships.

43percentburnt Sat 11-Aug-18 10:42:32

Bexley - good luck with your decision. I hope all goes well for you, what ever decision you make. Be kind to yourself.

Hz25 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:46:22

Thank you for taking the time to reply. The past 3 days have been awful. My mum has been fab. She is annoyed that there has been no mention of him being there on the day of the termination no compassion just sheer anger. If I keep the baby he will resent me and resent the baby and leave. If I terminate I will quite possibly resent him and the relationship breaks down anyway. I am booked in for the 20th . He starts a new job this week so I don't want to be responsible for jeopardizing that....... it's tough xx

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