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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Baby Gender Revealed To Me without my Consent?

38 replies

kamilahbobo · 21/07/2018 04:53

With my second pregnancy I have decided to keep the surprise on what is our baby gender - as I did with my first.
I just don't feel a need to know as have no preference on that whatsoever, but the surprise at the end of journey is priceless. More important for me is the fact baby is ok and healthy during the pregnancy and do not want to even know if it's boy or girl untill the birth.
At my 32 weeks growth scan lady ultra sonographer kept saying "he", "he","he"..
I kept ignoring it thinking it's the way person propably speaks of a baby in this form but later when I returned home it got me thinking. Currently I am 39+ waiting for the arrival of the baby and feel if that really is a boy and the person revealed it to me unintentionally I may get bit fuming..

OP posts:

Report

Urbanbeetler · 21/07/2018 04:59

He is often the default pronoun for a human when the sex is not revealed. It may be a boy but only because there is a 50% chance of it anyway. Don’t get upset by something like this. You are so lucky to be having a baby and I hope all is well and healthy for you both.

TheresaMayIsATory · 21/07/2018 04:59

The sex of your baby won't matter when you have them in your arms. Best of luck.

Dreamingofkfc · 21/07/2018 05:00

The scan was 7 weeks ago. Let it go. It may have been her default way of describing the baby, rather than saying it. You won't ever know if she intentionally revealed it or not and not alot you can do about it now.

GilligansKitchenIsland · 21/07/2018 05:03

FWIW I'm a midwife and usually say "he" if the parents don't know the sex. It's just the default pronoun. (But I also usually explain that to them so they don't feel like you now do!)

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 21/07/2018 05:09

Did you make it very clear upfront you didn’t want to know? They probably assume you already know by now.

Seriously, these people have a lot to think about, making sure so many different babies are healthy and growing well. To be “fuming” over something so utterly inconsequential makes you seem rude and precious.

There is so much in the world to be angry about. Having a healthy little boy is not one of them.

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 21/07/2018 05:09

OP please don't fume over this. Your baby seems healthy, that is the priceless but at the end of the journey.

timeisnotaline · 21/07/2018 05:21

Don’t be fuming. You can never know if they told you or not and there’s at least a 50% chance they didn’t so really you don’t know anymore than you did before. But you will have a beautiful little baby - to be fuming is so unnecessary as is using language like consent I think personally- while technically correct it really has much more negative implications than your scenario.

Candyflip · 21/07/2018 05:43

We have this thread at least once a month and HCPs/midwives/sonographer always come on to explain that it used as the default to differentiate between mother and baby (because she refers to mother and he refers to foetus) Would you have preferred it? Some people are a bit touchy about calling their foetuses it.

Candyflip · 21/07/2018 05:45

So no, I don’t think your child’s sex was revealed to you at all.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 21/07/2018 05:53

You can never know if they told you or not
Although if it is a girl you can be fairly sure that they didn't . At this stage in pregnancy I remember focusing on little things to distract me from the great big elephant in the room. Whatever the sex the die is cast and the baby will have its own personality.

heytherehello · 21/07/2018 06:28

Similar thing happened to me when sonographer said 'she', I put it to the back of my mind and decided I either mis-heard or was a slip of the tongue. I did have a girl and it was still a lovely surprise!!

I think it's probably what others have said but sonographer should have made that clearer to you

StealthPolarBear · 21/07/2018 06:45

Without your consent, really? That's very loaded language to use.

TeaAndNoSympathy · 21/07/2018 06:57

‘He’ is the default pronoun. Nothing was ‘revealed’ to you - you seriously need to calm down. Also, ‘without my consent’ is very loaded language to use over something so trivial.

CurlyTwirlyTwos · 21/07/2018 07:00

The sonographer did this to me too, and I could only wonder whether I was having a boy. I had a girl, must be default gender!

SoyDora · 21/07/2018 07:04

Every sonographer and every midwife I’ve ever had has called the baby ‘he’ during scans and appointments (I have 2 girls). Even when I’ve had early scans at 6-7 weeks where they couldn’t possibly see.
The problem is that if it is a boy (and there’s a 50% chance it is), you’ll be convinced that they told you, when probably they were just using w default pronoun.

Luckystar1 · 21/07/2018 07:10

They said ‘he’ at mine too. I had a girl.

ADastardlyThing · 21/07/2018 07:12

Ok, so say you are fuming,what exactly can you do? You can't go back in time.

I get end of pregnancy is hard and it can make you worry about really insignificant stuff but you do need to get a grip not yourself with this one. You've even got terminology wrong - the surprise at the end of the journey is priceless? No love, the baby at the end of the journey is priceless.

Treacletoots · 21/07/2018 07:15

Those pregnancy hormones really do make you overreact to what is an non issue OP. You've got a healthy baby and you're going to found out pretty soon regardless. Please save the word consent for something that warrants its meaning.

n0ne · 21/07/2018 08:37

I get it, OP. We didn't find out the sex of either of our DC and I would have been totally gutted if it had been revealed to us before the births. But it's very likely the sonographer was just saying 'he' rather than 'it'. Unless you didn't tell them beforehand you didn't want to know?

Nagaram · 21/07/2018 08:47

Another one for them saying ‘he’, then having a girl. I got a bit annoyed (I was convinced I was having a boy anyway) and they apologised and said that’s the default. Didn’t mind what I had, but like you wanted it to be a surprise and glad I chunted. You still don’t know!

Frogletmamma · 21/07/2018 08:51

I didn't want to know and said so, and had a scan when overdue. Nurse said 'she' so it was a giveaway then went really pink when she realised. Only had a furthur 2 days of pregnancy so not the worst thing ever .

IncyWincyMouseRat · 21/07/2018 08:57

Unless the sonographer had the probe over your baby’s genitals at some point - which is not necessary for most (if any?) scans and in which case you would know anyway as you would have seen too - how would they know what sex your baby was?

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elephantfan · 21/07/2018 08:57

Whenever I see "gender" when people mean "sex" I feel irritated.
Aside from that I agree with everyone saying that "he" is the default pronoun and has been for years.
Do we need to insist that everyone uses "baby" or, more accurately "fetus" every time the fetus is referred to?
That might be a bit cumbersome.

Wellthisunexpected · 21/07/2018 09:00

That isn't the sex being revealed without your consent! "Oh look, there's his willy" is, which happened to me! Would you prefer the sonographer had called the baby 'it'?

TheresaMayIsATory · 21/07/2018 09:05

Whenever I see "gender" when people mean "sex" I feel irritated.

Why are people scared of language that has been in use for generations? Biological sex isn't a naughty word.

I blame the baby shower, cake reveal narcissistic shows!

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